Tag Archive | "visualization"

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Will Using Visualization Make Him More Romantic?

Posted on 06 June 2010 by Dr. Karen

Dr. Karen,

I got my boyfriend through law of attraction, and had him exactly the way I wanted him to be, he is handsome, intelligent, smart, rich and responsible. But he is not that romantic and isn’t that enthusiastic towards our relationship and he takes it for granted.

So is it possible through the law of attraction to see these very new things in him that he has never done before to me? My question is – Is it possible to add some new behaviors in your partner just by visualizing it?


Dear Tia,

In my experience, visualizing what you want is just PART of the manifesting process. If you’ve read my Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, you’ll remember that there are approximately seven steps to the manifesting process. What I’ll share here is complimentary to what I wrote in the book, so I won’t repeat what’s in the book.

It is more than possible through the Law of Attraction to see these “new” behaviors in your relationship. However, it is going to take some effort and discipline on your part to co-create this. This isn’t about him changing as much as it is about you changing. Really.

Visualization is a powerful tool if you can feel it as a “whole body” experience. Imagine ideal (and believable) situations where you are both enjoying the romance of the moment and how that feels in your body. Do the exercise daily. Your partner may notice a mysterious twinkle in your eye afterwards if you’re practicing this successfully. The power of visualizations depends on repetition AND being able to feel it in your body (not just thinking about it in your mind).

Visualizing is just one of many manifesting tools. A crucial step in harnessing the Law of Attraction is consistent ACTION. In other words, visualization without relevant action is not very useful. Here is what I recommend you do next.

Look really hard for behaviors in your partner that you enjoy and like and make sure you give him appreciation for them, each and every time. This means homework on your part. Make it a daily exercise for at least thirty days (so it becomes a habit) to look for things you appreciate about your partner and tell him about it.

Better yet, don’t just tell him your appreciation verbally. Tell him with your body. Melt your body into his, look into his eyes and glow with loving appreciation for those “little” things he does to show his love for you, even if you don’t consider them “romantic”.

Our partners are our mirrors. If you feel he’s been taking you for granted, you’re probably doing the same in his perception, even if it is unconsciously. Look for ways you have been taking him for granted and start correcting your behavior so that you start giving him the recognition YOU’D like to receive yourself.

Next exercise: start doing romantic things for yourself and for him. Bring out your “Goddess”. For example, get yourself a bouquet flowers and if he asks you why, just tell him you did it because it makes you feel feminine and romantic (only if that is true, of course). Take a bath by candlelight and ask him to join you. Start a tickle fight on the couch. Watch a romantic movie then “attack him” with loving kisses afterwards.

Take belly dancing classes and start “practicing” all over the house in your coin skirt, nudging him with your hips as you shimmy by. Offer a foot rub. Leave sticky notes in odd places around the house (like inside the bathroom cabinet) that say, “I love you!” or “I love your butt!” etc.

I want you to have fun with this. If any of these suggestions make you feel uncomfortable….GOOD! You have room to grow!

So let us know what happens!

If anyone reading this blog post has any other suggestions for Tia, please share them by posting a comment to this blog.

Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. Are you stuck at all? Do you think you could use some coaching? If you’re interested group tele-coaching, let me know now as I’m forming a coaching group soon. Click here for more information.

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Dear Dr. Karen: Not Having “Luck” With the Law of Attraction for 8 Months

Posted on 27 March 2008 by Dr. Karen

Hi there!I’m getting some awesome questions in my “Ask Dr. Karen” box on the home page..so thank you for trusting in me. I want to help as many people as possible – and I intend to answer each question I get either in my weekly newsletter, blog or radio show. So if you don’t see your question answered here right away, I might be saving it for the radio show.What’s great about the radio show is that I can answer your questions in more detail, so if I continue to get as many questions as I’ve been receiving lately, I’ll spend an entire show coaching based on these questions. If you want some free “live” coaching on the air, I encourage you to call in during the live radio broadcast if at all possible so we can do it interactively. That way you get a little bit of free coaching AND others get to benefit from your example. Of course, I’ll only ask your first name, so we’ll keep it as anonymous as possible.Here is a letter from Devon, who writes:

“Hi Dr. Karen, I watched The secret about 8 months ago, and since then have had limited “luck” with the law of attraction. One area in my life that I have had challenges with is definitely romantic relationships. My last relationship was over a year ago. and I haven’t had much success since. I’m 22 and I don’t know what it is that I’ve been doing wrong. Since having watched The Secret, I have tried visualizing my perfect partner, feeling the feeling of love, writing down certain qualities that I want in t a partner, etc. but to no avail. If you have any wisdom you could share would you please let me know.” Kind Regards, Devon

Dear Devon,

Let me assure you that you are not doing anything wrong. Why do I know that? It is because I’ve questioned myself countless times the same way in the past and thought that it was my fault when something didn’t go the way I planned. In actuality, although we have influence in manifesting our lives, our realities are co-manifested with spirit. Sometimes the outside world doesn’t “look” like what we thought it should, and then we get down about ourselves and give up trying.

When I was consciously manifesting my dream partner, I felt like I was on a roller coaster sometimes! Months would go by and although I was definitely growing beyond my comfort zone during that time, the “results” weren’t showing. It wasn’t until a year later that I finally met James…and then I initially rejected him because he didn’t figure skate! I had some help from The Universe (in the form of a movie Cutting Edge II and a friend) who opened my mind to the possibility that James could be the one I asked for. With utter faith (and no guarantees) I took the plunge…and I’m so glad I did!

Devon, I encourage you to continue visualizing, feeling the love and get more and more clear about what you want in your dream love. You are envoking the law of attraction in love when you do those things. Can you do it daily? a couples times a day even? Can you make your visualization so real and routine that sometimes, you actually don’t feel the need to have a partner because you feel as if you already do? It sounds weird, but close to the time I met James, I was in a space of not really caring whether my dream partner showed up at all. I just felt “complete” regardless. Of course I still wanted the romantic skating partner BUT I wasn’t attached to when it was going to happen!

Here are some possiblities for you to think about “why”, (if you must understand “why”) you don’t have your partner yet (and I’m not saying these are true – just read them and see if one or two of them resonates with you):

1. You are very close and on the brink of discovery. The Universe is just waiting for a show of faith from you. Action step: keep doing what you are already doing but increase the intensity of your visualization AND do some of the Acting As If exercises in Chapter 4 in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life.

2. You may have some emotional baggage left from past relationships including parental relationships that is in the way of what you want to manifest. In other words, you need to shift your own vibration a little more to match what you’ve written down about the other person. Action step: gently check in with yourself if there is any residual unresolved feelings from a past relationship that could be affecting you now. You may wish to take the quiz in Chapter 5 on Obstacles.

3. The Universe and your spirit expect you to grow, and is waiting… My guess is that you may not have grown into your own power yet and that’s OK. Let me ask you this: What is your life path about? What were you born to do, do you think? How is your life going to serve the world? What is your passion? Action step: identify and follow through on developing your own passions, regardless of how popular or interesting they are to others. Your dream partner will follow along on those lines. I highly recommend The Passion Test by Janet and Chris Attwood.

4. You may not have enough vacuum or space in your life for someone yet. You may not have space in your outer world (you are extremely busy and have no “down” time) or in your inner world (old baggage from past relationships or current relationships). The Universe needs space to deliver your gift to you and it takes conscious effort to create space. I certainly resisted creating space BIG TIME!! But I didn’t get James until I finished doing that second-to last-step in the manifesting process…

Devon, I hope that was helpful and I look forward to possibly chatting with you on my radio show!

Best, Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. most of us are better at manifesting in one area of our lives than another so be patient. Be grateful for the times when you do manifest things you want (even if it is “small”) – all things, big or small, are considered of equal importance the Universe, so pay attention to even the small things.

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Visualize to Materialize

Posted on 09 March 2008 by Dr. Karen

You’ve probably heard that you ought to visualize your goal in order to manifest it into reality. For example, cancer patients can viaualize their tumor shrinking and entrepreneurs can visualize achieving massive success. Children can visualize being successful at school and having lots of friends and athletes can visualize their best athletic performance.

The key to visualization is not necessarily to “see” the result in your head intellectually. The key is to see, hear, feel, taste and touch the end result of what you want to materialize. In other words, your entire body, with all its senses should be engaged in your visualization exercise for optimal effectiveness.

Did you ever kiss your pillow as a kid pretending it was someone you had a crush on? Well, its not that silly an exercise actually. Whatever you have to do to really feel as if you have already received your “wish”, you can do (assuming it is ethical and legal!). Some people “visualize” most often by seeing pictures in their minds. Others feel things in their bodies and yet others, the minority actually use the sense of hearing as their main “visualization” center. Ideally, it would be great to connect all three.

There are some really great tools out there to help us visualize our desires and goals. One of these is the Vision Board. Traditionally you can find photos and pictures from magazines and cut and paste them onto a poster board. You can use the vision board to purposefully harness the law of attraction to attract the things you want into your life.

You can have different vision boards for different things. You can have an “intuitive” vision board by cutting and pasting photos that appeal to you esthetically after you ask a question you wish The Universe to answer. For example, recently I did an intuitive vision board where I asked, “What should I do to create the most happiness for myself right now?” the vision board told me that I needed to focus on wonderful food, beautiful large spaces, rest and relaxation, writing more books and taking charge of debt.

You can also have a vision board that focuses on what you want to manifest materially: a new job, a promotion, a pregnancy, a healthy body, a new house etc. Pick pictures and words that make you feel good. When you look at your vision board daily, you should feel inspired and happy. If not, you may need to make a new one.

One great tool you may want to take advantage of in today’s technological world is vision boards you can make online! The nice thing about this tool is that you can search for photos of exact things you are looking for instead of hours rifling through magazines. You can also set your virtual vision board to music! Check out the Vision Board Site to learn more.

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