Tag Archive | "self-esteem"

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Wisdom from a Teenager

Posted on 10 May 2010 by Dr. Karen

I’m always amazed by kids. Here is one that inspired me last week.

The other day, my teenage patient, Charlie, was in to see me for a doctor’s appointment. I was so inspired by him and what he told me that day that I called him later to get his permission to share his story with you. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Charlie is very laid back, according to his parents, unless he is racing cross-country in skis. On this particular day, I asked him how things were going and as usual, he answered, “pretty good.” For some reason, I asked him if he had any stressors recently, physical, emotional, mental etc.

He paused for a moment and I sat forward to listen (because he usually says, “no, not really”). Apparently at school, he just found out that another student had deliberately smashed every single one of his ceramic art pieces. For weeks, he’d make something and then find it broken the next day. Innocently, he figured his ceramics skills were just “shotty” and for weeks, he just kept trying over and over to do it correctly.

So when he finally figured out they were deliberately being broken, I asked him how he felt. He said he was shocked at first (“I didn’t know I had any enemies!”) and then mad as he began to take it personally, but then he told himself, “Well, there is no point in being mad. It not gonna help anyway.”

So he just let it go.

Did you hear that? He just let it go. That’s typical Charlie. He’s been like that his whole life I think.

So I asked him, “So you’re not mad anymore? I wouldn’t blame you if you were.”

“No I’m not mad anymore,” said Charlie with a sideways smile, an eye peeking out of his long bangs.

“You know,” I said, “…maybe the other kid was jealous of you and that’s why he/she broke your artwork.”

Charlie chuckled in agreement and said something to the effect of,” Yeah, I figured that I might as well believe that…it makes me feel better.”

Did you catch the wisdom in this young man? I can assure you that at that age I, personally, would NOT have let go of my anger and disappointment that easily (probably would have cried for days…maybe even weeks!) and I would have made up a story that someone hated me.

Amazingly, Charlie CHOSE a belief that served him. He decided that even though he didn’t know the motive of the perpetrator, he chose to believe a story that served him, rather than one that just kept him mad.

How many of us choose stories that serve us? How many of us remember that we actually co-create  our realities anyway? As a refresher, our realities are composed of: 

The Situation + Our Perspective              

It is the next part of this story that moved me the most. As we were talking, I received a strong intuitive hit as to “why” Charlie was being targeted. He told me he was the only kid who this happened to. Nobody else had their artwork destroyed.

“Hey Charlie, I figured another reason why YOU were the one targeted.” Charlie listened intently.

“Just suppose, this kid that did this is having a really stressful time at home. Maybe her dad is an alcoholic or he gets abused. Maybe the anger has to come out somehow…and Spirit (God) understood that. Of all the kids in that school, Spirit figured that YOU would be able to tolerate the pain and be able to handle it whereas most other kids wouldn’t. So God chose you. Spirit chose you, Charlie, to be the One because she knew you’d be strong enough to handle it. If it were another kid, maybe he’d be so devastated that it would ruin his self-esteem for life. But not you, Charlie, because you have a Gift most of us have to work decades to develop. And you have this Gift naturally. You have the ability to just let go.”

After I blurted this “story” out, I knew it to be true in my heart. At the very least, it would “serve” us to believe it. I was looking into the eyes of a Master who doesn’t know his mastery yet because he is young.

At this point I’m looking into Charlie’s eyes with complete awe and inspiration and he’s beaming from ear to ear.

So maybe if you’re having a hard time in your life right now, is it because God chose you to be the One, just like Charlie? Would it help you to believe that? Are you willing to be chosen for this job? And will you transform the negative energy of the world’s ills instead of being squashed by it? Charlie does it naturally.

Bless him!

So what do you choose to believe about your life today?

Tell me what you think of this blog post by commenting below. Thanks.


Dr. Karen Kan

PS. By the way, Charlie said his teacher decided to lock up his artwork from now on after class! (You don’t have to keep taking abuse. One can be practical too you know!)

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How to Help Someone in Crisis

Posted on 07 December 2009 by Dr. Karen

My partner, James, just told me about an old high school friend he just connected with on Facebook. She was lamenting that her daughter, who lost her dad in the military, has been in the hospital due to mental distress. He was asking me about what he could do to counsel his friend.

I suggested two things, the first of which was specific to James’ skill as a healer. I told him that he could do a distance Reiki healing on the daughter. He would have to sense telepathically whether she would accept the healing before proceeding (us healers don’t IMPOSE our healings on others if they don’t want it).

The second thing I suggested was for him to tell his friend to write daily journal entries (5 minutes is all that is required) stating all the things she appreciates about her daughter for at least 30 days in a row. Since she lives far away from her daughter, she cannot be by her side to comfort her, and of course as a mother she is worried.

When we try to help people, our worrying adds to their burden. Instead, we want to send a higher vibrational energy stream their way. This journaling exercise is a great way to do it.

So if you have someone you care about in a crisis, the best thing you can do without even having to tell them, is a daily appreciation exercise. This will help them feel better about themselves believe it or not.

I had a case where a patient’s son was suicidal. My patient lived far away so he was distraught he could not help his son. I had him do this exercise for 30 days straight. Very quickly, both the son and the patient got out of the crisis and his son did just fine.

Do not underestimate the power of energy and YOUR power to heal yourself and others. You have much to contribute to the world through your love. And via the Law of Attraction, what you emanate in love will come back to you many times over!

If you’re new to this blog, please sign up for our GOODIES in the tab at the top of the webpage! And also, please let me know what you think of this post by commenting below.

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: I’m working hard on my self-esteem, but I just got dumped!

Posted on 11 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen

Thank you for all the information you have available for attracting my dream partner. I know I have a weakness in attracting healthy relationships and my soulmate. I was not raised in a healthy environment, nor was there any positive role models available. I’ve been working on these emotional issues, and I believe that I am making significant progress. Even though it is taking a very long time for my soulmate to manifest.

Right now I am somewhat depressed. I took approx. 7 years off from dating guys ( I was consistently attracting the same type of negative people.) I worked real hard on my self esteem, and forgiveness and loving myself, etc. However, recently I met a gentlemen with most of the qualities that I had on my list. After about a week of dating, which I really enjoyed, he was a true gentlemen etc. He abrutly told me that things are not going to work out between us. I was so devastated! After so long, I met someone I really liked and it ended that quickly. Can you shed some light if any as to where I went wrong.

Thanks. Candis

Dear Candis,

First of all, you are welcome. Secondly, you are in the perfect place to make great strides in your relationship life! Why do I say this? Because you are at least AWARE of the relationship environment you grew up in, that you didn’t have great positive role models and that you’ve been working on these issues.

Congratulations for putting the time and effort to work on yourself. It is only those people who are willing to grow themselves from where they were to where they want to be that will be truly happy and successful. That being said, you are still probably wondering why after all this work, the next gentleman you dated just abruptly dumped you! Afterall, you really liked this guy and didn’t see it coming at all did you? And you are wondering what did I do wrong?

I’m here to coach you that you are asking the wrong question. It needn’t be what did I do wrong? But instead, what does this situation give me the opportunity to grow into?

By asking what did I do wrong, you are owning up to the fact that on some level, you really do feel you are not adequate enough. Get it? In other words, the Universe was giving you a loving test. Here, let me be the Universe’s voice for a moment:

Dear One, We are giving you this opportunity for a reason. We love you. We want you to recognize how undeniably lovable you are to. And for this reason, you will experience rejection, so you will have the opportunity to feel that despite the rejection, you are still whole. You get to experience rejection and not take it personally for once. You get to experience the freedom of moving on, self-esteem intact. For this great gift, we give you this experience. Because we love you. You are perfect as you are.

So your experience with rejection was not proof that all your hard work has been a waste. Instead, your experience as an OPPORTUNITY for you to choose a higher perception that serves you..for you to experience that despite what happens on the outside world, you are at peace on in inside world. The Law of Attraction states that what you resonate on the inside is what you see on the outside.

That gentleman did you a favor. He just mirrored to you just where you are at on the self-esteem scale. It is OK. Learn from this. You are doing just fine. Keep up your study. Get a support team, a coach, a counselor. They can be helpful mirrors to you.

Once you’ve dealt with rejection to the point where it is no longer a big deal, your next breakthrough will come.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Scared of Being Vulnerable

Posted on 02 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen Kan,What do you do when you are scared of being vulnerable?DorothyDo you know of that book called “Feel the fear and do it anyway?” It takes a very strong person with good self-esteem to allow themselves to feel vulnerable. In fact, the deeper and the more wonderful a love experience you have with your love partner, the more vulnerable you become! You can’t have it any other way.Practicing being vulnerable takes guts, but just knowing that you feel vulnerable sometimes is a very good sign. Many people aren’t even AWARE of their fear of vulnerability. The fact that you own up to yours is a testament to the degree of maturity in your personal growth.

When people with strong self-esteem allow vulnerability, they know deep down inside that they are perfectly OK they way they are. They don’t need to improve themselves and they love themselves WITH their supposed faults. We are human after all. We have faults. We make mistakes. I know for me, I have been working with my perfectionism (which has caused me great emotional distress over the years) which is a maladaptive trait to say the least! I’ve had to literally practice not being perfect and what I’ve noticed is that I’m much more forgiving and compassionate to others now.

Someone once told me, courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to ACT in spite of fear. So advise you to act as if you are going to get what you’ve asked for. That’s the law of attraction. And acting as if you are going to get what you asked for is step number three in the seven step manifesting process I write about in my book

Dr. Karen Kan

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