Tag Archive | "rejection"

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Dear Dr. Karen: I’m working hard on my self-esteem, but I just got dumped!

Posted on 11 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen

Thank you for all the information you have available for attracting my dream partner. I know I have a weakness in attracting healthy relationships and my soulmate. I was not raised in a healthy environment, nor was there any positive role models available. I’ve been working on these emotional issues, and I believe that I am making significant progress. Even though it is taking a very long time for my soulmate to manifest.

Right now I am somewhat depressed. I took approx. 7 years off from dating guys ( I was consistently attracting the same type of negative people.) I worked real hard on my self esteem, and forgiveness and loving myself, etc. However, recently I met a gentlemen with most of the qualities that I had on my list. After about a week of dating, which I really enjoyed, he was a true gentlemen etc. He abrutly told me that things are not going to work out between us. I was so devastated! After so long, I met someone I really liked and it ended that quickly. Can you shed some light if any as to where I went wrong.

Thanks. Candis

Dear Candis,

First of all, you are welcome. Secondly, you are in the perfect place to make great strides in your relationship life! Why do I say this? Because you are at least AWARE of the relationship environment you grew up in, that you didn’t have great positive role models and that you’ve been working on these issues.

Congratulations for putting the time and effort to work on yourself. It is only those people who are willing to grow themselves from where they were to where they want to be that will be truly happy and successful. That being said, you are still probably wondering why after all this work, the next gentleman you dated just abruptly dumped you! Afterall, you really liked this guy and didn’t see it coming at all did you? And you are wondering what did I do wrong?

I’m here to coach you that you are asking the wrong question. It needn’t be what did I do wrong? But instead, what does this situation give me the opportunity to grow into?

By asking what did I do wrong, you are owning up to the fact that on some level, you really do feel you are not adequate enough. Get it? In other words, the Universe was giving you a loving test. Here, let me be the Universe’s voice for a moment:

Dear One, We are giving you this opportunity for a reason. We love you. We want you to recognize how undeniably lovable you are to. And for this reason, you will experience rejection, so you will have the opportunity to feel that despite the rejection, you are still whole. You get to experience rejection and not take it personally for once. You get to experience the freedom of moving on, self-esteem intact. For this great gift, we give you this experience. Because we love you. You are perfect as you are.

So your experience with rejection was not proof that all your hard work has been a waste. Instead, your experience as an OPPORTUNITY for you to choose a higher perception that serves you..for you to experience that despite what happens on the outside world, you are at peace on in inside world. The Law of Attraction states that what you resonate on the inside is what you see on the outside.

That gentleman did you a favor. He just mirrored to you just where you are at on the self-esteem scale. It is OK. Learn from this. You are doing just fine. Keep up your study. Get a support team, a coach, a counselor. They can be helpful mirrors to you.

Once you’ve dealt with rejection to the point where it is no longer a big deal, your next breakthrough will come.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: He Said He Never Loved Me After 8 Months of Being Together!

Posted on 19 April 2009 by Dr. Karen

Hi Dr. Karen,

I came across your website while finding a solution to cope with my relationship woes. I have read up on the law of attraction and watched the documentary ”the secret” previously and have applied the premise in my life and have found relative success in my career and physical appearance.

However, my love life has been less than fulfilling. I have not been able to meet my idea man. However, last August, I met a good idea man. He was very nice,attentive and caring to me but out of a blue moon, he told me that he has no feelings for me and has never liked me in our 8 months relationship. I tried to reason with him how could he have no feelings for me when we have spent so much good times together for the past 8 months and i sensed that he truly has some feelings for me. He denied it and said he only sees me as a buddy. He asked me to give up on him and to move on and that he would never never like him. He severed off all sources of contact. He told me it would be dishonest of him to patch-up with me when he does not love me.

I am now trying to move on. And I am going through difficult times. I can sense that he did love me but he seems very firm now that he has never loved me and wants me out of his life.

He makes me feel so rejected and unlovable. It seems that I am living in an illusion of my own. I am wondering if there’s anything wrong with me as I have always experienced romantic rejection and guys always turn me away completely without giving me chances of redemption or considering dating me after they realised my profound feelings for them. It is very absurb and hurtful to me. My self-esteem is totally bruised.

What should I do Karen? Please help me, I am feeling very depressed. How could I make someone likes me?


Dear Jessie,

I can feel your pain and sadness and I feel for you. No one likes to get rejected, and this is probably a huge shock to you having been together this long with someone. You might be unwilling to trust your judgment after this painful experience or you might be tempted to close your heart to future love in order to avoid pain.

Here’s the thing. You manifested this man into your life to abandon and reject you. Yup. Sounds awful doesn’t it? You’re probably wondering to yourself, WHY would I do that?

Well, you aren’t doing it consciously. Because this is a repetitive pattern in your romantic life, it tells me that this issues has deep roots in your unconscious patterning from childhood. You are re-enacting a childhood situation that you may not be aware of. Who in your childhood repeatedly rejected you or abandoned you? It could be your mother, your father, or anyone who was dear to you.

Or did you witness this in your family of origin? Did you mother abandon your father or vice versa?

You see, you are ONLY attracting men who will eventually reject and abandoning you. The way you harness the law of attraction is to make sure you do the following:

1. In creating your wish statement for you ideal partner you MUST include that this person loves you equally and is available for you. See Chapter 1 and 2 of my eBook for details.

2. You must get to the bottom of your unconscious beliefs and relationship blueprint so that you can heal it…otherwise history will repeat itself.

I highly recommend you get some individual counseling or coaching to work with you on this. It is near impossible for us to “see” all of our unconscious programming without outside help.

I am confident that once you get started on working on healing yourself through personal work with a skilled counselor or coach, you will naturally start attracting a whole new set of men who WILL love you and adore you as much as you adore them.

Do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself. Stay connected to friends and family who support and love you. Allow yourself the time to grieve and heal and see if you can keep your heart open to new possibilities. You have the control to your destiny. It isn’t about “them” (the men), it is about YOU and your vibration. By changing your internal programming (your vibration), you will change your entire life.

My prayers and blessings are with you, my dear.

Dr. Karen Kan

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Handling Rejection and the Law of Attraction

Posted on 27 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

The other day, I received word that out of 80 applicants that submitted proposals to teach at a high profile conference, I was not chosen to participate. It was a perfect example of how the outcome of your intentions are not always what you expect. So how do I handle rejection?

Well! Very differently from how I used to handle rejection! I used to take rejection personally and feel bad about myself. I used to ask myself, “what’s wrong with me” or decide that I wasn’t “good enough”. Can you relate? This old programming was making me miserable and for years, despite high achievements in almost every area of my life, I had very low self-esteem.

Today, I can celebrate rejection!

Why? Because I can celebrate how rejection (or praise for that matter) is no longer “personal”. In other words, I no longer let praise or rejection define me as a “good” or “bad” person. So here is how I use the law of attraction in dealing with rejection: I reframe it.

In other words, I make up a story of how it best serves me.

For example, I now assume that if I didn’t get the “job” I wanted, it must mean that the decision-maker and I are not on the same wave-length (vibration) and therefore it is an inappropriate match. Thus I can thank the Universe for kindly saving me heartache and headache from a mismatched relationship.

Secondly, I also assume that it must mean that an even BETTER opportunity is quickly coming my way. And so, believe it or not, I’m even EXCITED for my future, despite the rejection.

Thirdly, I can see how far I’ve come in my personal growth from my past programming by observing my reaction (or lack of reaction) to the news of my rejection. This gives me an opportunity to appreciate myself more. It is confirmation that my joy and happiness and sense of self-worth come from within and has nothing to do with anyone else’s view of me. Know what I mean?

Even though I had set my intentions very clearly in teaching the program this year and was rejected, I’m imagining that I will be offered an even bigger opportunity, so it has motivated me to keep working towards my intentions or “goals”. There is not even one moment of hesitation. Nor is there any regret or perception of wasted time.

You know what was really cool too? Not only did I avoid my old patterns of thinking i.e. “I’m not good enough”, I actually perceived that it was the other camp that was really losing out from the amazing value I had to offer. It reminds me of the time that I was “dumped” by this guy years ago and I remember having thought to myself, “Hmmf! His loss!”

So what does this have to do with the law of attraction? It has everything to do with it. You see, if you let rejections get you down, your vibration diminishes and you begin attracting less of what you want. On the other hand, if you don’t take rejections personally and just use them as learning experiences, then you will keep your vibration high and you will manifest what you want faster and faster as time goes by.

Author and successful business consultant, Christine Comaford-Lynch, in her book, Rules for Renegades, talks about rejection and failures as opportunities to grow. In fact, she says to “fail forward” – in other words, use your failures to your future advantage.

By reframing your “losses” into “wins” – guess what? You ALWAYS win. EVERYTHING can be perceived as serving you. Cool or Cool? And if you came to my Law of Attraction Intensive Workshop, you’ll remember that we did a very special group exercise called reframing where you brainstormed on how to make your “losses” into “wins”. If you weren’t there, I’d highly recommend that you pick up a copy of the Home Study Course with the included handouts so you can practice reframing.


Dr. Karen Kan

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