Hello Dr. Karen,

My question is: If I want to find love, besides thinking positively, what other things can also help me? If I put pictures on my wall, what kind of pictures would they be?

Mary (not her real name)

Dear Mary,

Positive thinking is helpful, but it isn’t the way you harness the law of attraction (please see my post on the Law of Attraction is not positive thinking). What you want to do with your visualizations, if that is a tool that resonates with you, is to choose pictures that give you an emotional reaction. In other words, choose photos and pictures that inspire you when you look at them.

It isn’t the positive thought that brings about the wanted outcome or intention. It is the positive feeling that stems from the positive thought. All the positive thinking in the world won’t do anyone any good if there isn’t an associated feeling of inspiration, passion, joy and fulfillment. See the difference?

I have a relative that tells me that she always thinks positively and is fairly good at reframing negative situations, yet whenever she goes to the bank, she complains constantly that the workers at the bank are incompetent and always make mistakes. Guess what? She’s right! They DO always make mistakes…around HER. Even though she considers herself a positive thinker, she hasn’t become conscious of her repetitive negative programming.

Creating a visual reminder of your dream come true may help to rewire some of your programming. A dream board or a vision board can be created by cutting out photos from magazines and pasting them to a poster board. I have friends who have such a big dream board, it fills up an entire wall!

I use a cut-and-paste type vision board, but I also use a dynamic vision board – one that associates inspiring music and affirmations with each photo. You can create your own at www.amazingvisionboards.com. I have one for career, one for health, one for wealth etc.

The purpose of the visual reminder is for you to get into the vibration (emotionally) of already having received your intention (your dream partner). The more you can stay in this vibration of already having received, the faster your dream partner will come to you.

Also, imagine that everything that happens to you from this day forth is meant to be…and will lead you to the dream partner you desire. Some situations may come up that you may consider negative, and that’s where the “positive” attitude can come in – reframe the so-called negative situation into a positive one,  and understand that everything happens for a reason and that reason is there to serve you.

The more you can have overall peace and fulfillment in your life, the happier your life will be with or without a partner…and the happier you are, the more you’ll find very many wonderful potential partners to share your life with!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

The other day, I received word that out of 80 applicants that submitted proposals to teach at a high profile conference, I was not chosen to participate. It was a perfect example of how the outcome of your intentions are not always what you expect. So how do I handle rejection?

Well! Very differently from how I used to handle rejection! I used to take rejection personally and feel bad about myself. I used to ask myself, “what’s wrong with me” or decide that I wasn’t “good enough”. Can you relate? This old programming was making me miserable and for years, despite high achievements in almost every area of my life, I had very low self-esteem.

Today, I can celebrate rejection!

Why? Because I can celebrate how rejection (or praise for that matter) is no longer “personal”. In other words, I no longer let praise or rejection define me as a “good” or “bad” person. So here is how I use the law of attraction in dealing with rejection: I reframe it.

In other words, I make up a story of how it best serves me.

For example, I now assume that if I didn’t get the “job” I wanted, it must mean that the decision-maker and I are not on the same wave-length (vibration) and therefore it is an inappropriate match. Thus I can thank the Universe for kindly saving me heartache and headache from a mismatched relationship.

Secondly, I also assume that it must mean that an even BETTER opportunity is quickly coming my way. And so, believe it or not, I’m even EXCITED for my future, despite the rejection.

Thirdly, I can see how far I’ve come in my personal growth from my past programming by observing my reaction (or lack of reaction) to the news of my rejection. This gives me an opportunity to appreciate myself more. It is confirmation that my joy and happiness and sense of self-worth come from within and has nothing to do with anyone else’s view of me. Know what I mean?

Even though I had set my intentions very clearly in teaching the program this year and was rejected, I’m imagining that I will be offered an even bigger opportunity, so it has motivated me to keep working towards my intentions or “goals”. There is not even one moment of hesitation. Nor is there any regret or perception of wasted time.

You know what was really cool too? Not only did I avoid my old patterns of thinking i.e. “I’m not good enough”, I actually perceived that it was the other camp that was really losing out from the amazing value I had to offer. It reminds me of the time that I was “dumped” by this guy years ago and I remember having thought to myself, “Hmmf! His loss!”

So what does this have to do with the law of attraction? It has everything to do with it. You see, if you let rejections get you down, your vibration diminishes and you begin attracting less of what you want. On the other hand, if you don’t take rejections personally and just use them as learning experiences, then you will keep your vibration high and you will manifest what you want faster and faster as time goes by.

Author and successful business consultant, Christine Comaford-Lynch, in her book, Rules for Renegades, talks about rejection and failures as opportunities to grow. In fact, she says to “fail forward” – in other words, use your failures to your future advantage.

By reframing your “losses” into “wins” – guess what? You ALWAYS win. EVERYTHING can be perceived as serving you. Cool or Cool? And if you came to my Law of Attraction Intensive Workshop, you’ll remember that we did a very special group exercise called reframing where you brainstormed on how to make your “losses” into “wins”. If you weren’t there, I’d highly recommend that you pick up a copy of the Home Study Course with the included handouts so you can practice reframing.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan