Dear Dr. Karen,
(long letter is paraphrased below)
I wanted to manifest a man who had strong ties to Italy. I successfully connected with an attractive man via an internet forum. I’ve never “dated” this way before, so this was new. He connected with me daily via SMS, phone, email, msn and often left romantic messages. He even made the effort to try to help me with visa issues for a job interview in his home country of Italy.
Finally, when I showed up in Italy, he seemed to suddenly change! He seemed cold and distant. When we met, he hardly looked at me. He was so shy. In fact, he barely took time out of his schedule to spend time with me! I was shocked after all the time we spent communicating by phone etc. What was even more shocking was that when I went home, he started messaging me again! I got so angry and upset!
I’m not an ugly woman. I have many wonderful traits, but this guy..made me feel like crap and I cannot get over this. I felt too bad and I do not know why he did what he did! Now what I want to know is if I could change this situation with the law of attraction?
Please help me..am so desperate..
Thanks,
Too confused to understand Men!
Dear “Too Confused”,
I can see how frustrated you are with this situation. It is as if this man is two different people. One the phone and through email and messages he is attractive in every way and attentive and loving. But in person, he is scared, distant and totally unavailable!
Well, this is a painful lesson for you. People can often use the “safety” of distance (not face-to-face) contact to express their fantasies, but eventually, a relationship needs to be able to grow past all that. This man you attracted is far from ready to be attentive to you in “real” life. He lives in a fantasy world online and you just happen to fall into a trap. It isn’t that he meant for it to be a trap, it is just that his world is not REAL.
You deserve a REAL relationship with someone who is willing to be who he REALLY is face-to-face with you. This Italian man is clearly very shy and has not had much practice in being in real relationships. He is intimidated, but that is not your fault. You do not have to make yourself smaller just so he can feel more confident. He is like a child at this point…not meaning any harm, but not able either to be an ADULT in the relationship.
You have lots of red flags here that are telling you to abandon the relationship as soon as possible. The fact that you still linger means that on the subconscious level, your self-esteem is low and that you do not feel you deserve better..otherwise you would have dropped him like a hot potato and moved on.
But it’s OK if you haven’t yet. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Understand that by hoping he would change, you are asking someone to be who they are not…which is not very loving or attractive. This is how you use the Law of Attraction. Let go of what clearly isn’t serving you (otherwise you give the message to the Universe that you deserve to be treated in a way that is less than loving). Then start again with your wish list and ADD the criteria to the list you missed in your first “try”.
So you may wish to add, “a man that is able and willing to connect with me on a mature level” or something even more specific.
By letting go of this relationship, you will harness the law of attraction by giving the message that this is NOT good enough for you. Move on. That means ending the relationship. Don’t even stay friends since you’re still feeling hurt. It is energy that is draining you from your true desires. Just let him know that after your meeting, you’ve realized that you’re both not on the same page and that you need to move on and make a clean break. Wish him well, then say goodbye. It isn’t easy, and he’ll rebel, but it is the best for both of you. Be strong.
You need to learn you deserve more and he needs to learn (for his own benefit) that a fantasy love life doesn’t serve either of you in the end.
If you need help with that, seek the help of a coach like myself or a counselor. I believe in you.
Blessings,
Dr. Karen
P.S. If you haven’t done so already, please connect with me on Twitter and FaceBook!
