Tag Archive | "negativity"

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Dear Dr. Karen: My Family Is Pressuring Me to Just Find “Anyone” But I’m Waiting For My Soulmate

Posted on 12 April 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

My questions is how do I stop other negative people from getting me down. I’ve been working very hard to accept myself and to find happiness within myself before I can attract my soul mate. But my sister and friends constantly pressure me to go out there and just find ”someone”. I just don”t want to settle with someone, I want to find ”the one” and I’m just not ready yet. I feel that this is something very difficult for them to understand, but what can I do to block this external negativity from hindering my progress?



Dear Ali,

I can empathize with your situation. Often those close to us can’t understand why we don’t see things the way they do. They are coming from an old paradigm that you no longer resonate with. I have a few suggestions for you to help you cope.

Allow your friends and family to have their point of view without criticism. Just accept that they are coming from a different vibration – a vibration of scarcity “there isn’t enough so hurry up and find one soon!” In allowing them their point of view, it doesn’t mean sitting there passively and letting them nag you. You can be assertive. You can tell them when they start in,

“I understand where you are coming from. I can feel that you have my best interests at heart and I appreciate that. That being said, I also cannot do what doesn’t feel right for me. Just like I wouldn’t want you to do something I’d want you do to if it didn’t feel right for you, I hope you can understand. Thank you for your loving concern. I can feel your love for me.”

When you read what I just wrote, how does that feel to you? Can you imagine what that would feel like (in your own words and with genuine emotion) to your loved ones? Understand that they aren’t trying to control you because they like controlling. They are trying to get you to do what they want you to do because they are scared for you and are projecting that fear onto your life. You don’t have to fall prey to it. You just want to understand the core of why they are doing it and understand that their intentions are good.

Despite your best efforts to state where you stand, lovingly and compassionately, if you are still getting “advice” from all sides and you feel overwhelmed, then it may do you good to take some space from these well-meaning friends and relatives. That means not “hanging out” with them as much.

I remember a time when every time I called my mother, my perception was that she was criticizing me. This was during medical school where I was stressed out from lack of sleep and a ton of homework. Believe me, I had no energy to be understanding or compassionate to her criticism! So instead I stopped calling and when she criticized me for that, I explained to her that I’d rather call her because I wanted to rather than because I felt obligated to. She didn’t like that very much, but after a while she got the hint and our phone calls became much more supportive and enjoyable.

One of the “risks” of changing yourself or growing yourself to a new level of consciousness or higher vibration is that often our old friends and our families don’t come along for the ride. We end up leaving them behind energetically. Understand that that is a natural progression and although it is sad at first, you will be making room for many, many more friends that WILL support you and see your VISION for your grand future. See if you can work on being OK with “losing” your old friends because they no longer serve you and vice versa. Eventually, you just don’t keep in touch as much. It is a natural and not necessarily violent transition. The FORM of your relationship just changes.

You are the one that needs to let go of their approval and their attention. Once you are no longer attached to your friends being your only friends any more and are open to newer friends who you resonate with, you will find a world of loving support waiting for you.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Overcoming Negativity – Dr. Judith Orloff

Posted on 28 February 2009 by Dr. Karen

 Judith Orloff MD, bestselling author and UCLA psychiatrist, invites you on a

remarkable journey where you can embrace more happiness and mastery over

negativity than you may have ever known. Our world is in the midst of a

meltdown. She describes how to stay intuitively and spiritually centered in our


Dr. Orloff celebrates the exciting launch of her new book: “Emotional Freedom:

Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Harmony).

She is treating you to an incredible book launch one time offer with special

gifts from Judith and others such as Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Bruce Lipton,

Dr. Michael Beckwith and more!

Go here right now and get the details to purchase book and for your special



In “Emotional Freedom” Dr. Orloff states:

“I’m presenting the unique process I use with patients to view emotions as a

path to spiritual and intuitive awakening (not EFT). I synthesize traditional

medicine with energy medicine to offer you new tools to master emotions and

become heroes in your own life. Inner peace leads to outer peace in the world.”

Publisher’s Weekly’s review of “Emotional Freedom” says this:

“[Dr. Orloff] regards emotions as a training ground for the soul, and views

“every victory over fear, anxiety, and resentment as a way to develop your

spiritual muscles.””

“Emotional Freedom” has rave reviews from Deepak Chopra, Dr. Candace Pert,

Christiane Northrup MD, Caroline Myss, Dean Ornish MD, and Mary Oliver,

Pulitzer Prize winning poet.  They call it “Spectacular,” “A must-read,” “A

heartfelt, accessible guide,” and “Resolutely compassionate.”

In the book, you will discover:

* Four questions to transform fear with courage

* What is your emotional type?

* How to stop absorbing the emotions of others

* How to combat emotional vampires with compassion

* The spiritual meaning of depression and hope

Purchase book and claim gifts at:


If you’d like to liberate yourself from negative emotions, and compassionately

own the moment in all situations instead of simply being reactive…

Immediately go here for:



Dr. Karen

P.S.  Nelson Mandela said:  “As we are liberated from our own fear, our

presence automatically liberates others.”  Help liberate others and share this

announcement with them. 

For more inspiration and information visit http://www.drjudithorloff.com

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Dear Dr. Karen: Moody Partner: Is He the Right Guy for Me?

Posted on 05 July 2008 by Dr. Karen

“Dear Dr. Karen, I am in a relationship where the guy that I am with is a very busy person because he works a lot so he is always stressed out. He knows about the Law of Attraction and wants to manifest but it is hard for him to change his moods. He walks around grumpy all of the time and can be quite snappy with me when he is in a bad mood, which is frequently. My question is: Will this affect me because my life has changed and I am totally into the Law of Attraction and being happy and in good moods? I am in love with him and we have a child together and are engaged to be married, but I can’t help but wonder if he is the right guy for me. Or will things end up badly because we aren’t going down the same paths? I think he could change but he doesn’t make the time to try. Like, for example, he wants to win the lottery using the law of attraction but is always in a bad mood and only trys to be happy and think positive the day of the drawing…then he wonders why he hasn’t won. Please help!” Shannon

Dear Shannon,

It sounds like life with your partner can be challenging as you attempt to manifest your dreams and are committing to being responsible for your moods. I applaud you for making the commitment to being aware of your moods and not blaming others or “things” or “situations” for your moods. At the same time, I want to counsel you that there is nothing wrong with being sad, angry or frustrated in the moment. It’s just energy. The harm comes when we don’t realize that it is our thoughts and judgments about “what is happening” or simply “what is” that creates the discomfort. For example, just because you are commiting to your happiness, does not mean that you will particularly feel “happy” the moment your partner is barking at you…and that’s OK.

There is a misconception with the teachings of the law of attraction that people believe they must feel good all the time. Nonsense. We are human beings. We have feelings. You don’t have to be happy all the time to manifest your dreams. However, what you do need to be is CONSCIOUS. Being conscious means being able to be in the energy of “sadness”, for example, on purpose, and at the same time understand and appreciate that all is well and as it should be. That there is nothing you need to change. Judging yourself for being anything other than happy is harmful. JUDGMENT is not the vibration you wish to emit with harnessing the law of attraction to manifest your wishes. A beautiful example of this is my recent experience with a miscarriage. I was sad and grieving for the miscarriage and at the very same time, completely grateful for the entire experience and for all the support I received. I did not want anything else but the moment of being in the energy of sadness. It wasn’t bad or good. It was an opportunity to be present. And I appreciated every minute of it. Sounds strange, but the heart-opening I experienced was very worthwhile.

You question whether your partner’s bad moods will affect you and your manifesting abilities. The answer is “possibly”. Whoever is the dominant vibration in your environment will usually affect the other. Sometimes depressed, stressed out people, can have a powerful vibration and it is difficult to stay in your own vibration of love in their midst…but it can be done with much practice and personal growth. At other times, you may have to physically remove yourself from this energy if it is too strong for you, in order to practice fully staying the vibration you choose to be in. See if you can stay out of the “blame” game and take full responsibility for your happiness.

As to whether you are going down the same paths, only you and he can really make that call. I’m sensing that you are at a different point in the journey than he is. He may be still stuck in the stage where he is blaming “work” for his stress and moods. Or he maybe completely unaware of his negativity because it is such a habit. Such was the case with my ex-husband. When I finally went to medical school while we were dating, it suddenly occurred to me that he was either clinically depressed or had a mild form of bipolar illness (good moods for weeks, then sudden depression for weeks or months). I brought it to his attention and he understood where I was coming from. He never sought counseling or medication at the time, but having several heart to heart talks with him really helped him come to grips with his behavior.

When two people start vibrating at different frequencies, then changing the form of your relationship may be what’s best for both of you. Your partner is there to teach you something. Maybe he is there for you to stand up for yourself. Maybe he is there so you can learn how to ask for what you need in a partnership. Don’t get caught up in what you “think” your partnership should be like (even if you have a child). Instead, create the ideal partnership like I teach you in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, and invite The Universe to help you decide what is best for both of you. It may be that separating would be the best thing. It may be counseling.

Whatever decisions you make, don’t regret them. Just imagine that everything is perfect and know that the Universe gives you multiple chances to manifest your dreams. There is no time limit! You are just trying your best, and that is good enough. The best thing you can do for your partner is the stay in the energy of compassion, forgiveness and love. In that vibration you will manifest your wishes easily. Hopefully when he can witness your loving peacefulness and ability to manifest, he will ask you how you do it. You can’t change him. He has to want to change. Your example will be the best gift.


Dr. Karen Kan

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