Tag Archive | "manifesting"

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One simple five minute exercise that harness the Law of Attraction

Posted on 19 April 2011 by Dr. Karen

If you’re into the Law of Attraction, metaphysics, quantum physics, higher consciousness or just plain into manifesting the relationship of your dreams, read on…

I’ve been doing a LOT of studying lately. On many different subjects, but all related to two major themes: Energy and Consciousness.

On the health front, I’ve been researching how electromagnetic fields (for example microwave radiation from cell phones and cell towers) can be extremely hazardous to your health. Over Christmas, I became extremely sensitive to wireless radiation (sigh!) and thus I began researching some remedies (yes I found some!).

I’ve also been into knowing more about where our food in America comes from. It isn’t a pretty picture. James, my partner, and I have been watching movies like Food Inc., The Future of Food, The Beautiful Truth and King Corn.

What’s really interesting is how the lower quality “energy” coming from our food today translates, in essence, into a lowering of your energy levels available for manifesting!

Just think. What you eat can be interfering with how you manifest!

It’s all about energy. Allowing the energy in your body to drain away because you spend a lot of time using your computer or cell phone (luckily I discovered a couple of neat tools to prevent that) or by eating low energy food (pesticide ridden produce and meat from stressed out animals) means less energy available to harness the Law of Attraction.

And what does this mean about attracting your ideal romantic partner?

Less energy = Less attractiveness. Period.

As a holistic physician and energy healing professional, I have lots of information and tools at my disposal. I could go on and on about what I personally use to enhance my “vibration”, but I’m going to start by suggesting you do the simple five minute exercise below.

As a testament to this stuff “working” in our lives, I want to share two quick stories. Last week, while I was coaching a couple on Skype using my webcam, the man commented on how I seemed to “radiate”. Also last week, when my love partner, James, was out of town with friends, a woman he was passing on the street suddenly stopped and said rather loudly, “You are BEAUTIFUL! You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!”


How would you like to get comments like that?

Well, you can. Here’s your homework assignment for the next thirty days (preferably forever):

Every morning when you get up or every evening before you go to bed, write in a journal at least ten things you appreciate or are grateful for. At least two of these should be things you appreciate about yourself. If you’re ambitious like me, you’ll do another list of your successes for that day.

Most of us go to bed at night thinking about what we didn’t do rather than what we did do. We can be really hard on ourselves. Since the Law of Attraction states that what we focus on grows, I want you to start this habit of writing down all the positives in your life. I asked one of my clients with bulimia to do this on a daily blog and within two weeks I am witnessing the positive transformation in her life. My guess is that it was more effective than months of therapy.

This exercise may seem too simple to be useful. Don’t be fooled. This stuff works.

And make it fun. Buy yourself some nice colored pens and an attractive journal dedicated to this exercise. I have mine right by my bedside.

Let me know what you think by commenting below.


Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. In case you’re interested in checking out one of the tools I use to turbo-charge my manifesting abilities, check out this PAGE.

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Can I manifest my partner even though I still live with my family?

Posted on 19 August 2010 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr Karen,

I have a question regarding taking action in order to manifest my dream partner. I currently live at home with my family and the only action and acting ”as if” steps I have been able to take are sleeping on one side of my bed, cleaning out my bathroom drawers and cupboards and leaving an extra toothbrush, towel, face washer and shower puff in my bathroom.

I am working on cleaning out some of my wardrobe space for his clothes and of course, I have written down my dream partner”s laundry list of attributes and qualities and am doing my embodying exercises every day.

My question then is since I still live at home, are these small actions inadequate or not enough? Is there more I should be doing?

Kind Regards,

Dear S,

You’ve done a fabulous job of working on your “acting as if” exercises, and it sounds like your attribute list is specific. So congratulations! Keep on doing your embodying exercises.

Your question is a good one which is why I’m answering it today. So are you asking whether that fact that you live with your family is preventing or detering your dream partner from coming around? That is, that what you’re doing is “not enough”?

If so, the answer is, “It depends”.

Even though on the surface it would seem contradictory to be putting so much effort into manifesting your dream partner while you still live in your parents home…unless you plan to attract someone who also wishes to live in your parents home, all is not lost.

The most important thing you can do is to “practice” the feeling of already having the partner you desire. So the rituals you are practicing is to create the vibrational state of having your partner already.

If you desire him/her to be with you in the home you now live, that is one thing, if not, then visualize (embody) scenarios where you live elsewhere.

That being said, you’ll want to make preparations for moving out of your parents’ home. It doesn’t mean you have to move out immediately, but it means that you need to make some goals and set up a timeline or plan as to when you want to be self-sufficient..even if that means renting a small apartment a mile away.

Why is that important?

Well, in my experience, a person really learns who they are by living on their own and experiencing all their choices first hand without parental interference so to speak. The confidence you gain will help you attract a partner who will not only love you for who you are, but will respect you as well (because you respect yourself).

When you know you can be happy and make it on your own without “someone” you’re leaning on for financial support (for example), you’ll be able to attract a higher level partner who is also able to be happy and confident.

You don’t want to “need” someone. Instead you want to be whole and you want your partner to be whole. Two “whole” people, not two halves.

So keep up the good work with your exercises. Now is the time to keep stretching yourself further. When you feel like you’re risk-taking a bit and you are a little uncomfortable, that usually means you are growing, and you’re headed in the right direction!

If you’re too comfortable (in your parents’ home), that may be a sign that your energy is not expanding big enough to magnetically attract the dream partner that matches your list. Make sense? Of course if you’re 15 years old, moving out may be a bit premature! So use your intuition when reading and interpreting my advice.


Dr. Karen Kan

Comments? Please let me know what other advice you’d like to give or what you think of my post.

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The “Missing” Ingredient That Differentiates Those Who Succeed and Manifesting Their Dreams and Those Who Don’t

Posted on 07 August 2009 by Dr. Karen

It’s taken me a few years to figure out what the main “ingredient” is that is missing from people’s ability to manifest their dreams, whether it be their dream partner or their dream career or their dream life. So many people I know try very hard to implement the teachings of The Secret, the Law of Attraction. So many people I know read spiritual books like Conversations with God, A Course in Miracles, and When Things Fall Apart. So many of my friends go to seminars and conferences and get pumped up with a “can do” attitude towards manifesting their dreams.

Yet, the fact remains that only a proportion of well-meaning and hard working people are able to manifest their deepest dreams. So what’s the “missing ingredient” that separates those that “make it” and those that don’t?

Well, read this testimonial from a client of mine and see if you can guess what it is:

My mind and heart were in all directions before I started working with Dr. Karen. My insecurity was at all time time high. It all started because I didn’t believe I could meet a man who fulfilled every single criteria I asked for as the “Love of my Life”. So when he actually appeared, I starting doubting my reality, and I indulged myself in fear. This in turn pushed him away. It wasn’t an easy time for me. I felt stupid, useless – and I was losing self-confidence rapidly.

I came across Dr. Karen’s website and contacted her. I have worked with other coaches before but at times I couldn’t resonate with them for one reason or another. However, from the first moment I spoke to Dr. Karen, things just seemed to fall into place .. we spoke as if we’d known each other for ages. I felt understood, and that set the pace for my own healing and re-alignment.

I committed to a six-session coaching package and I was also reading and implementing her eBook “Creating Your Fairytale Love Life”. By the second coaching session, I felt a big shift in my relationship with my boyfriend. By the third session, I felt an even bigger shift! Oh my, I thought. This can only get better, and it did!

Dr. Karen has taught me how to ask for what I want, how to feel pain and let it go, how to detach myself from the outcome (my biggest stumbling block) and how to feel good about myself. Once I was able to grasp this … my relationship took off and we feel so much better around each other. It’s just wonderful!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Light and Blessings,
Karen H.

So what is the missing ingredient that separates those that create their dreams and those that don’t?

Well, I believe the answer is this: knowing that you can’t do it alone and then seeking support.

Every highly successful and happy guru that I’ve ever studied has had a mentor or a teacher that they’ve spent one-on-one time with. In today’s language, this means a coach or a set of coaches (the more successful one is, the more coaches one tends to have) and/or a Mastermind Group (when it comes to business).

One hint when it comes to seeking support. Rather than seeking the support of your friends who you’ve been hanging out with since high school, make sure you seek the support of someone who is MORE successful than you or at least already has what you want. So if you want a happy, spiritually evolving romantic relationship, then choose someone who has just that to mentor you. If you want to be the best transformational speaker in your field, ask a successful one to mentor you.

Get the picture?

Every single person who has been courageous enough to ask for help from me has made remarkable positive shifts in their lives (from the very first coaching call)…and it isn’t necessarily because I’m all that special. It is because they made the commitment to taking the next step in wish fulfillment – getting a new perspective from someone who’s been there and who already knows how to get what you want.

A couple of generous clients have permitted me to record their calls and to share them with you so that you could witness their process and be inspired by them. By requesting information from the Coaching Page, you’ll get access to some sample coaching calls.

If you’re really, really ready to get some results in your life, take the next step – get some support!

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: What ACTION is required to manifest my new soulmate?

Posted on 17 May 2009 by Dr. Karen

Hi Dr. Kan,

Recently I read somewhere that our thoughts bring us what we seek, but it is only through action that we receive it.

Over the past few weeks I have made my soulmate list and meditations. And now the Universe has brought someone in my life that I can see as a potential life partner. So, in this case what action would I have to take?

Thanks, Ali

Dear Ali,

You’ve asked a really interesting question Ali and that is why I’m addressing it in my blog. One of the “criticism” of the movie, The Secret, is that many who watched it erroneously thought that if they just did the “wishing” part, that what they wanted would just magically fall into their lap.

Now, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true some of the time, but the nuances of manifesting could not be included in such a short movie. Basically, I’m here to teach you that the BIGGER the outcome you wish for (in your perception), the  BIGGER the ACTION you will likely need to take in order to receive it.

For example, if you are wishing to manifest a cup of coffee from someone, it probably isn’t going to take a lot action to get it, because a cup of coffee is “not a big deal” to most people. On the other hand, manifesting a dream love partner IS a big deal to most people and in their perception, is challenging, difficult or rare. Thus bigger action is required often to fully manifest the dream. And big action often means stretching your comfort zone or your belief structure.

Congrats to you for taking the time to make your soulmate list and for committing to your meditations (for manifesting)! That is already an ACTION that many people don’t even know to take! These are the first two steps to manifesting your ideal love partner from my eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life. If you haven’t picked up a copy, I’d highly recommend it because the later chapters deal with obstacles and how to overcome them.

There are many actions you can take now that you made your list and have done your embodying (meditations). The next step is “acting as if” your soulmate has or will arrive shortly. How will you make space in your life for this person? Have you become all those qualities yourself that you have on that soulmate list? If not, you’d better get cracking!

On a practical level, since you have attracted a prospect that might meet your specifications, your next action step is to see if the glove fits. Get to know this person without attachment to the outcome that he/she is THE one you are looking for.

Have the curiousity to discover who he/she REALLY is, not who you want them to be. I’ve made myself miserable in the past by jumping the gun and being blind to the fact that the person I attracted WASN’T my ideal partner.

Keep in mind that sometimes that even though our soulmates will sense a connection right away, sometimes one of you has some personal growth work to do before you are ready for each other. Check out the Law of Attraction in Love Radio show I did with Keith Leon (especially the first one) on this subject!

Lastly, just take the logical NEXT STEP. You don’t have to know three steps ahead. You don’t have to know if you will be right or wrong. The more attached you are to being “correct” the less you will enjoy the mystery and wondrousness of life. So the next logical step in your case is to get to know the other person better. It’s that simple.


Dr. Karen

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Dear Dr. Karen: I Always Attract the Wrong Type of Person!

Posted on 28 February 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen

I always seem to be attracting the wrong type of person into my life. And the guys that do find me attractive and come into my life are just not right for me. I have tried the law of attraction and watched the secret of a million times but it just doesn’t seem to be working. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Being single has now become the norm for me because after a few dates it just never seems to work. I doubt it’s the way I look because I’m comfortable with the way I look so I just don’t know why I’m still single. I think I have practically everything in my life except the one thing that I want the most and that is someone who I can love. So please, how do I go about achieving this?

I’ve been looking for someone to help me out on this one, please be that person!!!

Many thanks,


Dear JoJo,

I hope you were there listening to my teleseminar last week because I dealt with this issue in detail. JoJo, there is nothing wrong with you. You are attracting the same “unattractive” guys to you because of your conditioning/programming from childhood. When we are young and most impressionable, we learn how relationships are supposed to be from the people we interact with the most as children – our parents, school teachers, relatives etc.

Our beliefs are formed from childhood experiences – what we hear, see and experience – and create an unconscious “blueprint” that tells the Universe what kind of person to bring to us. For example, if someone told you at age five that being too smart would drive the boys away, you would unconsciously deny your intellectual talents for fear that no one would be attracted to you.

It is not always easy to “see” our childhood programming without some sort of guidance and a lot of intentionality. In your case, I would highly recommend some serious study on the topic of relationships and some coaching or counseling.

People often make the mistake of thinking that good relationships are supposed to “happen” automatically. Well, they don’t. We have to LEARN how to have a good relationship. I don’t know about you, but in my school, there was never a course called, “Love Relationships 101”!

The law of attraction in manifesting your dream partner includes putting energy in developing your relationship skills. If you’ve watched The Secret and have been diligent in using the seven steps to manifesting from Creating Your Fairytale Love Life, then all it means is that The Universe is waiting for YOU TO BECOME the kind of person you wish to manifest.

If you had a tall wish order like I had, then the Universe will wait until you’ve GROWN to a level of maturity to make that relationship a success.

And please don’t think everyone you’ve dated is a waste, just because it didn’t work out. Think of dating as a personal growth experiment to learn more and more about yourself and to hone your relationship skills. My colleague, Sandi Sain, dated hundreds of men before she was truly READY to manifest her dream partner Bob. And she doesn’t regret one single date! She appreciates them all for what she learned about herself!

So be patient. Learn to see the beauty in everyone you meet, even if they aren’t your perfect match. When you can appreciate everyone for at least one quality, you will begin to vibrate at a level that matches your desires.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Arranged Marriage vs. Sexual Attraction

Posted on 16 February 2009 by Dr. Karen

 Dear Dr. Karen,

If you could help me out it would be really wonderful. I am a 25 year woman from a conservative family in a country whose custom is arranged marriages. Up to this point, I can honestly say, that I haven’t found my dream love.

Nevertheless, for the past couple of years I’ve been extremely attracted to a male colleague at work. I cannot explain my “craving” for him. He isn’t the most handsome man, but I feel myself drawn to him almost uncontrollably.

We have been “just friends” until recently when we actually kissed. Now, he wants sex but I’m feeling he only wants a physical relationship just to enjoy the moment. I’ve said no for a number of reasons, including the fact that have have so little in common and he doesn’t fit into my “ideal” partner.

Moreover my perception is he is not physically attracted to me (I know where I stand from a man’s point of view. I am heavily built, can say in completely out of shape) and wonder whether men can have relationship even if they are not attracted towards the female?

So far, the men my family has offered to me to do not interest me, and I can’t stop thinking about the attraction I have for my colleague.  Unfortunately, I believe he does not really care for me and wants me just for sex. I feel that he isn’t the “right” person for me to marry, yet I’m still jealous when he’s with any other woman. How can I let that go?

I cannot discuss this with anyone, least of all my family. Please guide me. Thanks in advance.




Dear Newla,

I can understand your predicament. I hope I can be of help. Given your relative “inexperience” with the opposite sex, let me share with you what I sense is going on in your situation. You are experiencing strong sexual attraction with your male colleague and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but let me qualify what I mean. Since you have never been attracted to anyone up to this point, the sexual attraction you feel is an ENERGY that is new and exciting to you. The benefit is that you can now “memorize” this feeling as part of what you’d desire in your future mate without necessarily being in relationship with your colleague.

Newla, there is so much more to match-making than sexual attraction. Many people mistakenly label the sexual attraction as something more than what it is. The energetic pull they feel can be so strong, they can convince themselves that the other person is their “match”.

You, however, are conflicted and rightly so. Your intuitive self has “warned” you that you do not feel cared for by this man. So what you are attracted to is purely sexual attraction – the polarity (opposites) between the masculine energy and the feminine energy (read David Deida’s books).

Your situation reminds me of a colleague that I knew at a teaching institution where I worked. He wasn’t particularly good looking, but women fawned over him. In fact, I was told he had had several affairs. And it wasn’t long until I felt that sexual pull towards him as well. He didn’t treat women very well, but he flirted very well and knew exactly what to say or do to get your attention.

Even though at the time, I was struggling with my marriage and fantasized some days about being with this colleague, it was his daily lack of thoughtfulness or courtesy towards me that put up a huge red flag that said, “NOT THIS ONE!” And thank goodness I respected those flags! What I discovered was this: the more self-esteem I had for myself, the less I “wanted” him.

That being said, it was still “fun” to have this colleague flirt with me on occasion, but the boundaries were very clear. It was “fun” to feel sexy and feminine around him. And he made all the women feel that way, whether they were fat, skinny, pimpled or otherwise “unattractive”. It was his “gift” to us women. And yes, just because you don’t think you fit into an ideal, the right men WILL find you attractive! You must see yourself as attractive before you will manifest the “right” man. 

So see if you can just take NOTE of the sexual energy you feel and log it into your memory banks under: “this is the energy I’d like to have with my future ideal partner” and leave it at that. If your self-esteem is strong, you will realize quickly that this colleague of yours does not have your best interests at heart and you will naturally be able to let go easier and easier.

You don’t have to get yourself all angry and upset over him because he knows no better…and in fact, the “ploys” he uses only gets you hooked over and over again!

Think of him as a child who is playing a game to see if he is worthy. If he can get you into bed it must mean he’s worthy (in his mind). He’s not a villain, really. He just isn’t what you are looking for. But you can still use the ENERGY you feel as an ingredient in your laundry list of wishes for your ideal partner.

The jealousy you feel is all part of the way he hooks you back into him. Other women can get hooked too. See if you can respect your intuitive guidance to stay away from him and start focusing on what you REALLY want. Instead of wishing he would change, imagine that he will never change and move on. It will take practice not to get hooked in again.

In fact, if you feel too susceptible, it would be advisable to spend as little time with this man as possible. Spend your energies instead on manifesting your dream partner. Go through the first three chapters of Creating Your Fairytale Love Life and create your partner from scratch AND while you’re doing that, make sure you include the ingredient you desire which is sexual attraction.

This colleague has given you a gift already. He has awakened your sexual center – a necessary step in your personal growth journey. Rest assured that you will feel it again with someone – someone with whom you share common values and dreams and someone who loves you for the person you are (and not just as a sex object).

Be patient.

Do your homework. Make your list and follow the steps of harnessing the law of attraction, and just TRUST the Universe to give you your dream partner.


Dr. Karen

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Our Christmas “Personal Growth” Experience With the Parents

Posted on 11 January 2009 by Dr. Karen

Well, my dream partner James and I had a very interesting and amazing experience visiting his family over the Christmas holidays. He was prepared for some “personal growth” and I was there to support him. There were some challenging times, like the times where he was treated like he was as a child (tough for all of us when we go back to our childhood “homes”) and at the same time, it was a wonderful way to experience how we’ve all changed.

In fact, there was a moment when his parents said to him (in an unapproving way, I suppose), “James, you’ve changed!” Gone are the days where James would be afraid to speak his mind. And James answered, “Yes, I have changed. And I like how I’ve changed!”

Interesting how our old childhood patterns of relating to our parents always seem to repeat themselves UNTIL one party decides to change the system. We call it “chaos”. Or at least temporary chaos. Cool thing is…chaos settles down after a time into a new order. And we got to see a new found respect growing between mature adults.

So why am I telling you all this?

Well, I’m treating you like family. I want to let you in on how things REALLY are instead of the fantasy world you may project upon me or others. Family dynamics can be very challenging, and if you are willing to be PRESENT and OPEN to miracles happening by changing how you see your parents, you’ll suddenly notice that they’ve changed how they perceive you. And get this…if you can heal your relationships with your family as a single person, it will GREATLY enhance your ability to heal any relationship in the future, including manifesting your dream partner.

Like the time when James was rather frustrated that his father wouldn’t let him drive the 1974 Corvette Stingray he had promised him. His father generously gave his car to James and showed it to him over Christmas. It was his intention that James move it to where we live some time in the summer. But it was Christmas and James was VERY attached to driving it THEN, not later.

His father woudn’t budge. “No, you can’t drive it now. You can drive it later when you have the car moved to NY.” James was infuriated at the time. He felt his father was being unreasonable and controlling. There was absolutely no logical reason why he couldn’t let James just try out the car…even for a few minutes!

James was enlightened enough to know he had to leave the house and “process” his frustration. So the two of us went for a walk and he asked me for guidance. I gave him a lot of credit to be aware enough to know he needed someone to give him an objective perspective.

This is what I shared with him. “James, I understand your frustration. You can’t understand why your dad won’t let you drive the car and you feel it is his way of controlling you, right?”

“Yes, that’s right”, James answered.

“Well, let me share with you what I just read in Pema Chodren’s book, The Places that Scare You. Pema said that it is those moments of frustration and trouble that are the golden moments of our enlightenment and growth. So USE this situation to your advantage. Use the tools you have been taught. From the way I see things, The Universe is giving you a message and here is it:

“James, the feeling you are feeling right now is a RED FLAG that you are feeling ATTACHED to the outcome. You are attached to driving that car before you leave and go back home to NY. Feel that feeling and understand that it will teach you when you are no longer on your PATH.”

James looked up at me. He understood completely what I was saying. He had gotten ATTACHED to the outcome. He knows that he cannot manifest what he wants when he is attached. Immediately he began feeling the uncomfortable feelings in his body so he could memorize what it felt like to be attached. It wasn’t pleasant. Now he knows that whenever he feels those feelings again, it will be his RED FLAG that he isn’t on his PATH (the one he intended).

We talked a little bit more, walked a little and by the time we went back to his father’s house, James was at total peace with not having the opportunity to drive that car during this little visit to his parents. He was totally “OK” with not having his way. He was at peace.

As we entered the house, his father was there to great us. The first thing he said was, “Do you really want to drive that car?” and James answered excitedly, “Sure!”. And his dad gave him the keys, right then and there…

As James’s astonished and happy face turned to see my reaction, I just winked and said, (of at“See what miracles happen when you let go?” The Universe was now giving him the message: “Ya done good kid!”

Can you apply this to YOUR life?

Ask yourself: Where am I not at peace? where do I need to let go to have peace? what outcome am I attached to? where do I feel tension in my life?

See if you can feel the difference in your body when you feel attached and when you don’t. That’s the key.

So that’s my teaching story for this month. For those of you who have written in letters, I’ll be answering quite a few on Monday’s Blog Talk Radio Show at 12 noon EST U.S. You can call me live during the show at 1-347-945-6313 to ask a question or just tune into www.blogtalkradio.com/drkaren

I’m sorry I can’t answer everyone’s question right away and if I haven’t answered yours and it has been while, it could very well be that I’ve written the answer several times already on my blog or on the radio show. I do my best not to repeat myself too many times so that others will have a chance to get their question answered. I hope you understand.


Dr. Karen

P.S. James was kind enough to give me permission to tell his story for the purposes of teaching, so send him a virtual hug for that generosity!

P.P.S. I’m extending the special for the Law of Attraction Intensive Home Study Course so you still get the bonuses if you purchase the course soon! Enjoy!

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Dear Dr. Karen: Can the Law of Attraction Help Me Manifest a Gorgeous Man?

Posted on 06 January 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,



I really need some advice with manifesting a husband. Is it unrealistic to ask for him to look like a guy I work with? The key is that I need a man whom I find very attractive physically.  I am just not sure how to visualise the good looks without needing to use this guy as a blueprint. 

Basically, If I get a man who does look just like him i.e. gorgeous, I will be very happy, but I am open to having someone just as gorgeous but in a different way. How should I incorporate this into my visualisation? I can’t simply say “I want a man with brown eyes and dark hair.” I need to find him attractive-there are millions of men out there with brown hair and eyes whom I do not attractive. Is it better to use him as a blueprint so that my visualisations will be specific, or am I limiting myself?


Can I say “I would like him to look like this guy but I would be happy with someone just as gorgeous who doesnt look exactly like him” but then use him as a blueprint just so I have something concrete to focus on. If I do this, how precise will my results be? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!


Thanks, Bekah


Dear Bekah,


Great question. I’m glad you asked. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to manifest a gorgeous partner! I certainly asked for (and received) exactly that!


My answer is this: you can use the energy (the feeling) of how attracted you are with this co-worker to help invoke the law of attraction to co-create your dream partner. You are correct in saying that “I want someone with dark hair and brown eyes” may not be specific enough.


So this is what you do: simply write down, “My dream partner is gorgeous, with dark hair and brown eyes”. This statement is simple and yet encompasses your desires. The Universe already knows what you find attractive so you don’t actually have to spell it out. On the other hand, sometimes people err on the side of vagueness so I appreciate your desire to be specific.


If you read the testimonial by Suzanne on my home page, you’ll learn that she cut out a photo of a dashing professor and pasted it onto her vision board, knowing full well that she had no intention of actually manifesting HIM as her ideal partner. In the end, she manifested another man, a professor as well, who looked very much like the one she admired.


So go ahead and use your attraction to get CLEAR on what kind of attractive partner you really want to manifest.


Oh, there is one thing I need to add. You need to feel AS attractive about yourself as you do to him. Like attracts like – that’s the law of attraction. So learn to love and admire yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Then, it will be a snap!



Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: The Law of Attraction Worked for Everything In My Life Except Love…Why?

Posted on 06 January 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,


I have been reading about the Law of Attraction for over three years. I have been using techniques from Brian Tracy, Jack Canfield etc. Im very successful as a lawyer, I have my dream house, my dream job and the greatest friends ever. I look great, I work out a lot and Im told to be very attractive. STILL, I have been single for over six years and what ever I do or I don’t do, I don’t seem to be able to attract my dream partner – or a partner at all, he he. I cant figure out what Im doing wrong. I love my life, but I’m 38 years old and I long for a partner for a lifetime and to have a family. Why is the law of attraction not working in my love life but in all other areas in my life?…I love your homepage, thank you for all the free stuff. Best regards from Iceland.




Dear Linda,


You’re welcome! Thank you for writing. First of all let’s celebrate your successes! You have your dream home, your dream job and amazing friends. Whoo hoo!!


So why am I focusing on celebrating first?


Because the Universe responds to what we are grateful for AND what we celebrate, we get more of! In your case, I think you’re well on your way to manifesting your dream partner. Yes, it is taking longer than you would like, but let me ask you this:


Have you spent as much time learning from relationship experts and gurus as much as you have from your other “success” mentors and gurus? Just wondering. Energy flows where you attention goes. So how much energy have you put into examining your relationships (including relationships with self, with parents, with former significant others etc.) and how much energy have you put into learning MORE about being more present in relationships, how to communicate more effectively, how to resolve conflict and differences when they inevitably come up?


If you have spent lots of time studying the relationship arena, then hearty congrats! If not, then I would direct your already open mind to learning “new” skills in the area of relationships. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you will be showing yourself and the Universe that you really mean business! You’ll do whatever it takes to manifest your dream!


My sense is that you are very close to manifesting your dream partner. Even James Arthur Ray, an esteemed teacher from the movie The Secret, mentions in his book Harmonic Wealth, that he hasn’t manifested his ideal partner yet….but he is confident he will.


The timing of the Universe is impeccable. The moment you almost “give up” (let go of attachment that is), is the moment where you’ll be pleasantly surprised!


Keep going. You’re on the right track.



Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. you may also benefit from private coaching. The last two single people who I privately coached for only three session both manifested their partners very quickly…




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Dear Dr. Karen: How Can I Learn to Be “Detached” From the Outcome of What I Want to Manifest?

Posted on 17 December 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen:


Hi there.  I struggle with a concept – serenity comes by not being attached to the outcome. You have to have intention and I know, for example, that when dating – you shouldn’t be attached to the person or outcome.  How do you keep yourself detached as best as possible?  Also – how do you recondition bad beliefs – is there any quick way?




Dear Anne,


Wonderful questions! I’m so glad you asked. You are perfectly correct in that our “job” is to make an intention and then “let go” of attachments to the outcome. When we “let go”, The Universe can more easily aid us in shifting people, places and things so that our intention will be manifest. When we do not “let go” and become attached to the outcome, we actually block our manifestation. Why? Because the energy of “attachment” is vibrating at the frequency of scarcity.


In other words, if we become attached to our outcomes, it means that we can’t envision any other way that The Universe can create a win:win for us. When we can’t be open to all the wonderful possibilities that may be even BETTER than what we imagined, we often get LESS than what we imagined or wanted.


So how do we learn to let go?


There is no one right answer. The first thing to do is to check in with yourself to see if you are indeed attached to the outcome. How? Well, what you do is imagine for a moment that your intention isn’t going to manifest. How do you feel? Neutral or disappointed? OK or devastated?


If you have a so-called negative reaction, it means you are attached. Now, if you find you are attached it isn’t the end of the world. In actuality, you are one step closer to manifesting your dream by ACKNOWLEDGING your attachment. You can’t let go of something you haven’t acknowledged. Understand?


Once you’ve acknowledged your attachment, you can now work on it. One thing you can do right away is to affirm that you love yourself despite your attachment. Don’t be hard on yourself. It is human to get attached. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. That action alone can often release the “tight” energy of attachment.


What I’ve found is this: once your attachments have led you to disappointment time and time again, and you are paying attention to your reaction, you will eventually learn to do a “pre-emptive strike” on your attachments. The pain just isn’t worth it.


An exercise you can do around your attachments is to imagine how well you off you will be regardless of the outcome. In other words, imagine several different outcomes including the one you want. Then literally “make believe” the reasons why each of these scenarios actually serve you. Answer questions like, “how are you better off?” and “what did you learn from this?”


Why make believe? Because our whole reality is made up of our perceptions of reality. If our whole reality is truly an illusion we make up, then you might as well make up an illusion that serves you and empowers you rather than one that disempowers you. Make sense?


As far as reconditioning your negative (non-supportive) beliefs, there are many different tools you can use. There just isn’t enough room to list them all. At the Law of Attraction Intensive Workshop in September, we used several different tools to discover what some of our negative beliefs were. Then I taught the class a specific tool called Emotional Freedom Technique (you may remember this from Chapter 5 of my book, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life) that transforms non-supportive feelings and beliefs. I highly recommend learning EFT. The other methods I recommend is The Sedona Method and The Work by Byron Katie.


One “quick” way to recondition your negative or non-supportive beliefs is to write the belief down on a sheet of paper. Then underneath it, ARGUE the opposite. In other words, if you wrote down: “I’m too old to find my soulmate”, then you can begin by writing down an argument that sounds like this: “I’m the perfect age to find my soulmate. I know myself better than ever. I’ve been in several relationships already and I have a clear idea of what I want and what I don’t want. Thus I can manifest what I desire a lot easier than when I was younger. Besides, I’m no longer afraid of being in relationships. I know I can handle anything that comes up. I love maturity!!”


Get the picture?


Anne, you are on the right track. Don’t worry about being perfect. Just keep practicing. It’s like an art.



Dr. Karen Kan

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