I am in a relationship I don’t want to be in. I care for the person a lot but I have needs and wants and they are not being taken care of. I realize I have choices, but he needs me I cannot just leave him. I do not want to be the reason something worse will happen to him. My energy is at a standstill, I am really interested in Reiki I have been reading up on it, I need the energy, I need to heal myself to be able to be strong and get out of a relationship I am in. Your Ebook sounds great, right now the money is real tight, I probably wont be able to get the book. I want so much to be able to be happy and live my life the way i want. Men have always made me feel small and not worthy of love and attention I want and need. Iam afraid to do what I want. What do you think I can do? Thank you. Love and Happiness,
Donna

One of the most challenging aspects of being fully responsible for co-creating your life is to let go of the belief that you are responsible for another person’s health and happiness over and above your own. Just because you cannot imagine that your partner could have a happier life without you, doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of it. You do him a great disservice by imagining him as a weakling. You  have co-created a situation where you’ve trapped yourself (and him) to a life that is neither happy nor fulfilling for either of you.

Your belief that he cannot live without you is a disempowering belief that doesn’t serve him. In other words, you are literally taking away his power to act on his own behalf by your choices and how you perceive him. Instead, try to perceive your partner as a person who has the potential to be responsible for his own happiness.

Have the courage to choose your path and own up to your responsibility to make yourself happy instead of accepting the victim role in your life circumstances..and in that process, pray and believe that the Universe will step in and help those you care about. When my husband and I departed ways as a couple, I had similar concerns. My husband had depressive tendencies and I was concerned that he would be very depressed without me. Nevertheless, I decided to be responsible for my own happiness and left the marriage despite warnings from my parents that all hell would break loose. Despite my own deep depression at the time, on some level, I had faith that The Universe would step in and create a miracle. And a miracle it did create!

Not only did my husband NOT become deeply depressed, he developed his own personal growth journey. He went to Spain to learn new skills and at the same time got introduced to a spiritual practice including yoga. He then expanded himself by reading books on spirituality and continuing his yoga practice at home. And he finally manifested his dream love partner – a rugged woman who is both a yoga teacher and a spiritual explorer. And best of all, she is a much better match for him than I ever could be. Had I not decided to leave the marriage, he would never have found his dream partner.

So Donna, you have to TRUST the Universe. Your partner will learn to survive without you – and you can help him by believing in him. His dependency on you is neither healthy or empowering. He may struggle for a bit, but struggle is not always a bad thing. It is only when we reach a degree of intense discomfort that we finally choose to change our ways. Isn’t that right?

You are a loving caring soul. Jesus taught us to love thy neighbor as thyself. He didn’t say love thy neighbor MORE than thyself. Learn to love yourself fully. Accept whatever faults you have (none of us are perfect). And with courage and faith, more forward with your life. Seek counseling and support to help you.

I believe in you.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

Sonya

Dear Sonya,

YES, YES, YES! Sonya! You can use the law of attraction for anything! And using it consciously to create a successful relationship is both spiritual and enjoyable. By consciously creating a relationship (and not being in a relationship by default) is one of the most highly fulfilling ventures anyone could experience.

One of the easiest things you can do is to regularly and openly appreciate your partner for who they are and how they add joy to your life. Thank him generously and never take him for granted. See him as a blessing in your life. Even if he makes mistakes, and he will, understand that he is human and focus not on what you don’t like, but on what behaviors you do like.

It is easier said than done, let me tell you!

But it works like a charm. Sometimes if James my dream partner is doing something I don’t like or approve of, I sometimes keep it to myself so I can spend some time examining why it has triggered me. Usually it is an old relationship habit from my childhood or former relationship. I can then later express my triggers to him without making him responsible for how I feel. And then I focus on appreciating him for what I DO LOVE about him.

Do I forget sometimes and just get annoyed?

Yup.

But I’m human too. I just catch myself, forgive myself and try again. That is what personal growth is all about. It isn’t about right and wrong or perfection. It is about growing yourself bigger and expanding your happiness zone!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan