Dear Shannon,

It sounds like life with your partner can be challenging as you attempt to manifest your dreams and are committing to being responsible for your moods. I applaud you for making the commitment to being aware of your moods and not blaming others or “things” or “situations” for your moods. At the same time, I want to counsel you that there is nothing wrong with being sad, angry or frustrated in the moment. It’s just energy. The harm comes when we don’t realize that it is our thoughts and judgments about “what is happening” or simply “what is” that creates the discomfort. For example, just because you are commiting to your happiness, does not mean that you will particularly feel “happy” the moment your partner is barking at you…and that’s OK.

There is a misconception with the teachings of the law of attraction that people believe they must feel good all the time. Nonsense. We are human beings. We have feelings. You don’t have to be happy all the time to manifest your dreams. However, what you do need to be is CONSCIOUS. Being conscious means being able to be in the energy of “sadness”, for example, on purpose, and at the same time understand and appreciate that all is well and as it should be. That there is nothing you need to change. Judging yourself for being anything other than happy is harmful. JUDGMENT is not the vibration you wish to emit with harnessing the law of attraction to manifest your wishes. A beautiful example of this is my recent experience with a miscarriage. I was sad and grieving for the miscarriage and at the very same time, completely grateful for the entire experience and for all the support I received. I did not want anything else but the moment of being in the energy of sadness. It wasn’t bad or good. It was an opportunity to be present. And I appreciated every minute of it. Sounds strange, but the heart-opening I experienced was very worthwhile.

You question whether your partner’s bad moods will affect you and your manifesting abilities. The answer is “possibly”. Whoever is the dominant vibration in your environment will usually affect the other. Sometimes depressed, stressed out people, can have a powerful vibration and it is difficult to stay in your own vibration of love in their midst…but it can be done with much practice and personal growth. At other times, you may have to physically remove yourself from this energy if it is too strong for you, in order to practice fully staying the vibration you choose to be in. See if you can stay out of the “blame” game and take full responsibility for your happiness.

As to whether you are going down the same paths, only you and he can really make that call. I’m sensing that you are at a different point in the journey than he is. He may be still stuck in the stage where he is blaming “work” for his stress and moods. Or he maybe completely unaware of his negativity because it is such a habit. Such was the case with my ex-husband. When I finally went to medical school while we were dating, it suddenly occurred to me that he was either clinically depressed or had a mild form of bipolar illness (good moods for weeks, then sudden depression for weeks or months). I brought it to his attention and he understood where I was coming from. He never sought counseling or medication at the time, but having several heart to heart talks with him really helped him come to grips with his behavior.

When two people start vibrating at different frequencies, then changing the form of your relationship may be what’s best for both of you. Your partner is there to teach you something. Maybe he is there for you to stand up for yourself. Maybe he is there so you can learn how to ask for what you need in a partnership. Don’t get caught up in what you “think” your partnership should be like (even if you have a child). Instead, create the ideal partnership like I teach you in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, and invite The Universe to help you decide what is best for both of you. It may be that separating would be the best thing. It may be counseling.

Whatever decisions you make, don’t regret them. Just imagine that everything is perfect and know that the Universe gives you multiple chances to manifest your dreams. There is no time limit! You are just trying your best, and that is good enough. The best thing you can do for your partner is the stay in the energy of compassion, forgiveness and love. In that vibration you will manifest your wishes easily. Hopefully when he can witness your loving peacefulness and ability to manifest, he will ask you how you do it. You can’t change him. He has to want to change. Your example will be the best gift.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Esraa,

The lovely thing about the law of attraction is that is works for everyone including the man you love. You are responsible for co-creating your reality with The Universe and so is he. The law of attraction states that similar vibrations are attracted to each other. What that means in a practical sense is that his vibration must be similar to yours in order for you both to become attracted to each other.

Each of our vibrations are created through our own thoughts and emotions. Thus, you cannot control another person’s thoughts or emotions can you? You can try to, but we call that manipulation, and it doesn’t really get you a happy relationship in the end! The bottom line is this: you can use every law of attraction technique in the book to try to attract your love to you, but if his own thoughts and desires are of a different wavelength, you’re out of luck.

That being said, let me tell you what you CAN do. You can send loving thoughts and wishes to this man, and in sending them, also send the feeling of being unattached to the outcome of what you want (i.e. being with him). In other words, if you wrote a pretend letter to him, it would go something like this:

“Dear _______, I want you to know how much I love you. And I realize that in order to love you fully, I am letting go of all attachment to us being together. I’d love for us to share our lives together because I love you so much. Yet, because I love you, I want to respect your path and your vision of how you want to live. I pray you live a happy, healthy and prosperous life. If we are meant for each other, I rejoice. If we are not, I may be sad at first, but eventually I’ll rejoice in knowing that I have supported you in your freedom of choice to live your life the way you see fit – and for that I feel good. And if we are not to be together, then I will rejoice in knowing that there is someone else special for me that The Universe has in mind. Bless you. Love, Esraa”

Esraa, you can make up your own pretend letter. The purpose of the letter is to train you to let go of your attachment to having THIS particular man love you. Your attachment actually blocks your manifestation. It is loving unattachment that brings our manfestations quickly to us. What I’ve noticed in the “real” world is that often, when you let go of desparately wanting someone, they are more attracted to you. Few people are attracted to a desperate or needy lover – in fact often, they want to run the other direction!

If you can somehow get into the mindset of “I’m amazing! and anyone having a relationship wtih me is incredibly blessed”, just wait and see who turns up! You may have to work at it, but when you can actually practice this feeling, miracles happen!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan