Tag Archive | "dream partner"

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Is it shallow intend a certain “race” for my dream partner?

Posted on 18 February 2010 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr Karen,

I would love some advice regarding manifestation. My question is: is it wrong, unrealistic or inflexible to specify a particular race as part of your dream partner’s ”laundry list” specifications if that happens to be what you are attracted to? I realize this must sound so shallow but I have been in two minds about this issue, especially seeing as my family and friends say I’m being ridiculous in being attracted to particular nationalities. So much so, that I feel guilty and needless to say my attempts at visualization have been going nowhere because I can’t shake off the feeling of being terribly shallow.

Am I being limiting in writing this down in the laundry list or should I continue to visualize/embody what I happen to be attracted to? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

Dear Anon,

Great question. Thanks for asking this as I’m sure it is on other people’s minds as well. Here’s the thing. The Universe has absolutely NO judgment good or bad on what you prefer or find attractive in a partner. The real issue is not whether you should or shouldn’t specify a particular race for your partner. The real issue is how you feel about doing so.

Apparently, you are feeling guilty and are judging yourself as being shallow. It is your self-judgment that is detrimental, not your desire or preferences. Sometimes we cannot know why we desire certain things. It may be a soul wish and you’ll never know for sure the reason. So my advice is that instead of causing yourself emotional pain by questioning your preferences, learn to lovingly accept them instead.

There is nothing wrong with finding a particular race more attractive. It doesn’t mean you are rejecting the other races per se, but instead, it is just a preference. If someone else thinks you are shallow, ignore the judgment. You are only shallow if you think you are. Reframe your judgment into a preference and drop the emotional content surrounding your preference.

It’s no big deal.

And you don’t have to justify your preferences to anyone either. It is none of their business. Your wish list doesn’t have to be publically scrutinized. The only person that has to like it is you. If you’re truly concerned, you can get a coaching session on your “laundry list” if you really want constructive feedback. I’ve helped my clients clarify their choices that sometimes were based on old habits rather than conscious choices.

Just know…there is an abundance of wonderful amazing people to choose from. Don’t worry about limiting yourself because of just this one preference. Stop being hard on yourself. Let it go.

Please comment and let me know what you think of this blog post.

Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. Remember that February is LOVE month and it is a great opportunity to not only contribute to Haiti Relief (50% of profits go to Haiti), but to make the commitment to yourself to using the Law of Attraction to manifest your greatest relationship. Get free access to the Law of Attraction in Love Teleseminar Series 2009 with any purchase.

Purchase both the Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook and Law of Attraction Home Study Course and get a FREE 30 minute private coaching session with me worth $175.

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The Art of Receiving (Your Dream Partner)

Posted on 13 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

I didn’t want another day to go by without me saying thank you for all you do to help singles like myself to find our soulmate. I listen to your blogs and just two days ago right after you sent your email; I purchase The Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford. and I am reading it and writing lots of notes and going all out in creating a Feng Shui love nest for my soulmate. In the meanitime I am enjoying the beauty I am creating. I know he is on his way and I have just finished a ritual that Arielle suggested of a salt bath to forgive past loves and myself. At the moment I am listening to Gregorian chants that I have had for years. It seems everything is falling into place. Today two men tried to pick me up and although I wasn’t interested in any of them. I was nice to both. Funny they both try to do so while I was reading Arielle’s book. One saying to me, ” You are beautiful., I have never seen you before … it is like you are from another planet. And so it that the magic that I am creating is being picked up. I have promised and WILL do two little afternoon teas for other single women in Toronto Canada telling them about you and your website, Bill White and Arielle Ford and many more. on how they can do a few things to clear the way for their soulmate to arrive. The teas will be free I will provide teas, savouries and sweets and share what I have learned. What the world needs is for all of ust to continue to manifest more love for one and all and to be happy.

Keeping doing the work you do Dr. Kan.

Lady Claire/Clarita


There is an art to receiving. Many of us were taught when we were young, that it was “better to give than to receive”. Have you heard that before? It wasn’t until recently that one of my teachers, T. Harv Eker, pointed out that the real saying goes something like: “It is better to be in the position to give than in the position to need to receive”. A completely different meaning!!

What if everyone in the world were givers only? Who would be there to receive?

How do you feel when you give something to someone from your heart? It usually feels really good doesn’t it? I know I get very excited and happy shopping for my mother because I know her tastes and I love surprising her with a gift she didn’t expect. My mom is usually thrilled with my choice and I feel really good about giving it to her and receiving her apprecation.

So if you have been taught that it is better to give than to receive, it is high time that you “erase” that non-supportive belief from your belief files. By not being able to “receive” you rob another person (or The Universe) the joy of giving you something. Giving and receiving is a 50:50 proposition!

How many times have you received a compliment…only to defect the compliment by making a compliment of your own? I’ve done it thousands of times. I never knew I was robbing that person of their “gift”. If you’ve made this “mistake”, you can undo it starting today. Commit to being a better receiver. When someone gives you a compliment, smile, let that acknowledgement wash over you, and say thank you. Avoid the urge to give a compliment back.

In my eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life, we explore the other ways in which you can learn the art of receiving. Learning how to receive in one area of your life spills over to all areas of your life (including relationships and money!)

To Your Happiness,
Dr. Karen

P.S. I feel so strongly about this “giving-receiving” balance, that I actually made a t-shirt about it! you can check it out here

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Dear Dr. Karen: How Do I Use the Law of Attraction to Get a Doctor as My Partner?

Posted on 25 May 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,


How do I use the law of attraction to get a Doctor as my life partner? how should be my daily affirmations be? my family is looking for proposals and I desire to marry a doctor. so pls advise me.



Dear Shana,

Let me ask you a question before I answer you. If a man you knew only wanted to marry a blond American model with a bust size of 34C, what would you say to him? Would you judge him shallow? Unintelligent? Inflexible?

Let me ask you another question. Why do you want to marry a doctor? Because you’ve always wanted to be one and you couldn’t, so this is second best? Because you think somehow it will bring you financial security? (It doesn’t by the way..I’m a doctor and most I know are eyeballs in debt!) Because it will make your family happy and stop pestering you to get married? Or because somehow it will make you seem like a worthy person in the eyes of others?

Why am I asking you these questions? Because The Universe will NEED to know your WHY. You don’t need to tell me, but you do need to be brutally honest with yourself (and thus the Universe) as to the why. If your WHY is big enough AND resonates with your soul’s wish AND is in the highest and best interest of all, then you will manifest your dreams.

Let me present you with my guesses as to what this is all about. When I was a little girl, it was considered prestigious to marry a doctor. I suppose it still is. The belief at the time was that I would have an easy time after marriage…my husband would take care of the finances and I could just relax my way to happiness. It would make me look “lucky” if I snagged one and I would have fur coats and diamond rings like my mother always wanted for herself (but she married a teacher, so she had to buy these things herself!). I would live the life of luxury.

Well, I decided that I didn’t want to be someone’s trophy wife, so instead I became a doctor myself. And then I got to witness firsthand what the life of a doctor is like and what the family has to endure. Let’s just say that being the traditional doctor’s wife (or husband) is a thankless job. Being a wife is worse because of our societal expectations of women in general. Traditionally, the wife takes care of the finances, childcare, volunteering, cooking, cleaning and the husband who could be grumpy and tired after working 36 hours in a row. Yes, there are some material perks, but with a partner who isn’t available, how fun is that?

OK, well the modern doctor’s marriage is a little better for women here in N. America at least. There is more equality and the guys pitch in to help around the house more.

But you know what, it isn’t any easier than marrying a non-doctor. Doctor’s wives are just as happy or unhappy as anyone else and have more stressors. More is expected of them. They are “just the wife” in the eyes of others and that is a tough place to be if your spouse is the “hero” doctor and you are not.

A doctor is simply just another person. He may earn more than the average person, but he also works more than the average person – between 60-100 hours a week. If you are marrying him just for his “money”, you won’t be very happy. I can guarantee that!

Besides, the best way to marry into wealth is to become wealthy yourself. Like attracts like. That’s the law of attraction. If you don’t resonate those vibrations, you won’t be able to attract it!

So a more appropriate affirmation would be: “I am abundantly wealthy and happy, married to a man who loves and adores me”

And after all that I’ve said, if you are still wanting to marry a doctor, then your BEST chance bar none is to go to medical school and become one. Many of my doctor colleagues married each other! Why? Because if you are spending 100+ hours a week seeing no one else except colleagues and patients, who else do you date????


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: I Always Attract the Wrong Type of Person!

Posted on 28 February 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen

I always seem to be attracting the wrong type of person into my life. And the guys that do find me attractive and come into my life are just not right for me. I have tried the law of attraction and watched the secret of a million times but it just doesn’t seem to be working. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Being single has now become the norm for me because after a few dates it just never seems to work. I doubt it’s the way I look because I’m comfortable with the way I look so I just don’t know why I’m still single. I think I have practically everything in my life except the one thing that I want the most and that is someone who I can love. So please, how do I go about achieving this?

I’ve been looking for someone to help me out on this one, please be that person!!!

Many thanks,


Dear JoJo,

I hope you were there listening to my teleseminar last week because I dealt with this issue in detail. JoJo, there is nothing wrong with you. You are attracting the same “unattractive” guys to you because of your conditioning/programming from childhood. When we are young and most impressionable, we learn how relationships are supposed to be from the people we interact with the most as children – our parents, school teachers, relatives etc.

Our beliefs are formed from childhood experiences – what we hear, see and experience – and create an unconscious “blueprint” that tells the Universe what kind of person to bring to us. For example, if someone told you at age five that being too smart would drive the boys away, you would unconsciously deny your intellectual talents for fear that no one would be attracted to you.

It is not always easy to “see” our childhood programming without some sort of guidance and a lot of intentionality. In your case, I would highly recommend some serious study on the topic of relationships and some coaching or counseling.

People often make the mistake of thinking that good relationships are supposed to “happen” automatically. Well, they don’t. We have to LEARN how to have a good relationship. I don’t know about you, but in my school, there was never a course called, “Love Relationships 101”!

The law of attraction in manifesting your dream partner includes putting energy in developing your relationship skills. If you’ve watched The Secret and have been diligent in using the seven steps to manifesting from Creating Your Fairytale Love Life, then all it means is that The Universe is waiting for YOU TO BECOME the kind of person you wish to manifest.

If you had a tall wish order like I had, then the Universe will wait until you’ve GROWN to a level of maturity to make that relationship a success.

And please don’t think everyone you’ve dated is a waste, just because it didn’t work out. Think of dating as a personal growth experiment to learn more and more about yourself and to hone your relationship skills. My colleague, Sandi Sain, dated hundreds of men before she was truly READY to manifest her dream partner Bob. And she doesn’t regret one single date! She appreciates them all for what she learned about herself!

So be patient. Learn to see the beauty in everyone you meet, even if they aren’t your perfect match. When you can appreciate everyone for at least one quality, you will begin to vibrate at a level that matches your desires.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Help! I Am Attracted to A Man Who’s 20 Years Younger

Posted on 22 January 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen:


I seem to have developed an attraction for my 23 year old neighbor since he has relocated to  this area. Outside of me being a 44 years old female we have a great deal in common and enjoy each others company greatly .


There are times when the attraction is overwhelming and confusing. I certainly value his friendship and would rather continue at the same pace rather than inject  sex and jepordize the friendship. I just need to get past the attraction.  Can you help?


Thank You,



Dear Lisa,


…and the problem is????


Are you implying that you are too “old” to date a 23-year old man? or that he is too “young” to date a 44-year old woman? or that somehow, you aren’t “supposed” to have sexual attraction to someone “so much younger” than you?


Where did you get those ideas?


Is it really true that people that are very connected in a romantic way must be a certain age apart from one another? Is there a rule in your head that says, “relationships can’t work between myself and a younger man”?


I’m probably going to get in trouble for my answer, because many people out there have preconceived ideas of what the “perfect” love relationship has to look like. You can have preferences for sure, but was age a criteria on your “laundry list” of desires for your dream partner (see Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook).


Good news is, you haven’t told me that he is immature or irresponsible for a 23-year old. You haven’t told me that you mother him and you feel a co-dependent relationship developing. You haven’t told me that’s raking you for all the money you have.


So let me as you this: is the sexual attraction mutual?


And if it is, doesn’t it feel wonderful to be desirable (at age 44), to an attractive young man with whom you feel a strong connection? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the feelings of desire and here you are trying to get rid of it. I’m not telling you to knock on his door and jump in bed with him pronto, but what I am saying is to be OPEN to all possibilities.


In other words, what would you do if you didn’t have the notion or belief that dating a younger man would be “bad” or “unwise”?


To be honest, I had preconceived ideas about my dream partner, James, too when we first met. He looked so young at the park where we first met. He had a cut-off T-shirt on showing off his muscular shoulders, a partially-shaved head, and baggy jeans (like the ones skateboarders wear). I thought he was twenty five at the most, almost fifteen years my junior. And when he first spoke, I convinced myself from his innocence that he was even younger.


When I told him I admired his smile, I was not thinking AT ALL about him being a potential partner, let alone my dream skating/love partner. “Too young”, I thought immediately. When he told me shyly that he had always been attracted to Asian women and that he’d like it if I gave him a call later, I told him bluntly,


“Do you realize how old I am?”


“Uh, no. How old are you?”, he asked


“I’m almost 40” I answered impressively, waiting for a disappointed expression to appear on his face (it never did).  


Instead, he looked up hopefully and said,


“Well, I’m 32!” (he lied – he was months away from turning 32)


My girlfriend with whom I was with at the time, turned to me, giggled and said,


“Obviously the age difference doesn’t matter to him!”


And even though we turned out to be only six or so years apart, it took another friend to point out that I was being biased about his age and in her estimation, I needed a younger man because I had “young energy”. I thought about what she said and decided to become present to who James really was, not who I thought he must be based on what was was written on his birth certificate.


The rest is history.


I know, I know. You’re twenty years older, not just six. Guess what? They are just numbers! What you really want to be asking is, “are the feelings mutual?” and if so how do you both wish to proceed?


Do you realize that in some ancient cultures (OK, I’m going to get in trouble for printing this too…oh well!), older women were responsible for teaching the younger men in the community how to make love so that they would be good lovers for their future brides. Again, I’m not telling you that you should both immediately jump in the sack…


What I am suggesting, though, is to decide whether you wish to pursue a different form of romantic and/or sexual relationship just to discover more about yourself and each other…for you to experience the possibilities beyond what your biases and beliefs have told you.


Or not.


The important thing is this: if you want a mature relationship, you need to be intentional about it. You need to sit back and really get clear on what you are wanting from this relationship. If you are wanting to experience intense sexual passion and attraction, that’s one thing (and that’s perfectly fine). If you are wanting a long-term monogamous relationship ending in a ring and two kids down the road, that’s another.


If you two are really connected on a deeper level, you will be able to broach the topic of your attraction without fear of alienation or the loss of face or loss of friendship. Know what I mean? REAL friends tell the truth about how they feel and trust the other person can handle the truth.


Don’t be afraid about rejection. You are beautiful. You are strong. On the other hand, lavish in the attraction if it is indeed mutual. We are all ONE anyway. We just have taken different physical forms. You don’t necessarily have to make it sexual – you can actually exchange sexual energy without having sex. Even eating can be a sensual energy enlivened with sexual energy. Sexual energy can charge up your day and make you feel wonderful. So use it wisely.


Listen to your heart (not necessarily your head). You may also ask yourself, what would I regret more? You know the saying, “it is better to have loved and lost (and I would add LIVED and lost), rather than never loved (or LIVED) at all.”


Hope that helps.



Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. if you really need some help with how to broach the topic of your attraction, I can help you with that with a private coaching session. It’s too much to write it all here.

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Dear Dr. Karen: I’m Attracted to a Married Man in a Troubled Marriage

Posted on 17 January 2009 by Dr. Karen

Hi Dr. Karen


I am hoping that you would have the time to give me some of your insight on the situation I am struggling with.  Also, I am hoping you could answer this on your Blog on your site.


I met a man about three months ago whom was working on the boiler in my condominium building.  Whenever I would come and go we would chat more and more. Clearly we made a strong physical/emotional and spiritual connection. He made it clear how pretty he thought I was, and so fun with a great personality. He said that if his marriage didn’t work out he would be pounding on my door! It came out that he was married and having marital problems. He said ever since the kids moved out 2 years ago there has been no connection with his wife, and the kids were their connection. She has gained a lot of weight and unwilling to lose it. 

They can’t seem to agree on much, and she never goes with him out East to visit his relatives, even though they are fond of her and vice versa. I asked him if he loved her, and he could not answer the question, except to say, well she was going to give me her kidney two years ago.(he got a kidney transplant from a different donor though) He stated they both are praying, wondering if they should be together.


We ended up talking one day for over 2 hours in the boiler room after he finished his work.  We both stated are attraction for one another, and how things just seem to flow. How we would both miss this and wished there was more work for him to do in my building.  He told me how he really likes talking to me.

How it ended was his telling me that he always thought that you just live your lives, and whatever God’s will is. I asked him if he had ever had an affair and he said no, and he is a Christian, and that is not a Christian thing to do, and believes that what you give out comes back at you.


I gave him a affirmation sheet about the silence power of prayer. It contained different life struggles in it and how to use prayer to help. I also included a handwritten note.  In the note I told him that after you have prayed however long you need to, and have looked at all the options, and if you still don’t feel good about it , maybe it’s best to just make a decision that is “right for you”. I told him I only say this because I have been there, and had to do this myself, and it is not an easy thing for me to face my fears!  I also told him that everyone deserves to be happy- whatever that means to them, and he is not responsible for someone else’s feelings-happiness, nor does he owe it to them. I said that whatever happens, remember, it’s always for the best, and to not be so hard on himself. I said if your situation changes or you need to talk-call me.


That was six weeks ago and I have not heard from him, or received a thank-you.  (He really does not have to thank me though). But I am wondering what he thought about the affirmation sheet and note I gave him.  I really feel that we connected on many levels and he possibly could be my soul-mate. I am so struggling in trying to let go of this attachment to him. I think of him daily and I hope that some day he contacts me!


Thanks in advance for your help!


Dear Kelley,


Can I be blunt with you? I think you know me well enough to know that I care how you feel, right? OK?


So I’m going to be your coach right now. See if you can stay open. Sound good?


OK, what you’ve described is VERY similar to something I went through a few years ago. I can almost feel what you are feeling (although no one can prove or disprove that). My sense is this: people are very different when they are attached to someone and when they are “free”. Whether his wife is fat or whether she’d unwilling to lose it has nothing to do with whether you belong in this man’s life as a romantic partner. He doesn’t have it in him to give you what you want. He’s made that LOUD and CLEAR by his inaction.


You’re trying to be his friend, his counselor and you are expecting him to reciprocate or at least appreciate you. He cannot. Why? Well, it isn’t because he isn’t a good person. I believe all of us has a core of pure light…It is because you are projecting what you want to see in this person instead of what he can truly give you.


You’ve caught onto his needy signals and the rescuer in you is in full form. Remind yourself of all the other times you stepped into rescuer mode. Feels good at the beginning. You feel like you are contributing to someone’s life…making a difference. Only problem is, they really didn’t ask you to rescue them AND by trying to rescue them, you actually dis-empower them to create their own solution. Your intentions are good, however, they are not without attachment.


Believe me, I struggle with this weekly with James. It has been quite a practice for me to give him space to make “mistakes” and not rescue him and do things for him that he could otherwise learn to do himself.


The habit you are displaying is unfortunately not a healthy one, for a sustainable relationship. How do I know? Check in on how you feel. Do you feel a little used? It’s not that he meant to use you, no. It’s just that you chose a person that didn’t have the capacity to give you what you truly want! It’s not a win-win. You gave. You didn’t receive back.


Where else has that played itself out in your life? Think hard…


Here’s the rub. He is unlikely your soul-mate. Your dream partner (the term I like to use instead) is one that is completely available to you and attentive to your needs. Isn’t that what you would want in your ideal relationship? So in order to attract that, you really do need to let this one go. The attraction you both feel is just energy. It doesn’t mean that person is your soul-mate.


Look back on your laundry list (if you’ve read Creating Your Fairytale Love Life). See how many characteristics match up. If it doesn’t match up at least 99%, then either your list was “wrong” or this relationship is just “practice” for you to learn something about yourself.


You don’t have to settle for less. Don’t get messed up in this man’s problems or his wife’s relationship. Don’t play the role of counselor or helper. In fact, in your case, run the other way! Know that every time you feel that feeling of wanting to rescue, hold your tongue…and let the other person find their own way. Unless you have NO VESTED interest in the outcome of his relationship woes AND you are a trained coach or counselor AND he has come to you for professional help, stay out of his personal life.


One of my friends who I fell madly in love with years before I met James was very wise when I told him how I felt about him (while I was still married). He said to me that he had experienced a very painful relationship with a married woman once before and wasn’t going to repeat that trauma. Instead, he told me that although he had feelings for me, nothing romantic was going to happen between us.


Then he told me that if one day we were both “free” and single, then he would reconsider our relationship. I was absolutely devastated at the time. I thought he loved me back. But some part of me knew he was very wise for drawing the boundary line. I didn’t speak or communicate to him for 10 months. It was a very painful 10 months for both of us, but I needed the space. My heart was broken and I cried myself to sleep some nights in silence next to my husband.


After my husband and I separated, I finally wrote him a thank you letter, telling him how much I appreciated his wisdom. A few months later, we got together. We had both grown. We knew then that we’d just be friends. And we remain friends to this day, each with our own dream partners.


There are good reasons why it is in your best interest to stay away from otherwise unavailable men, Kelley. It may seem depressing for me to say this to you, but I’m sharing my story with you so that you can feel my genuine desire for you to ask for the world and not settle for less.


The law of attraction states that like attracts like. You want to give the Universe a CLEAR signal of what it is you want, not what you don’t want. Don’t settle. It’s a test.


Kelley, you are AWESOME and you deserve the best!



Dr. Karen Kan


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Dear Dr. Karen: Do I Need to Go to Singles Events? I Can’t Stand Them!

Posted on 16 January 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen

Do I need to go to singles’ events? I really can’t stand them! They are full of desperate needy people. Onlne dating is just as bad and I find it very hard to know what someone is like just by looking at a pictere and reading a description. And if I start to email them they think we are going out and won’t leave me alone! I already do things where I met lots of people in a more natural way. Is this enough?


Dear Bekah,

Know this: When you are harnessing the law of attraction to manifest your dream partner, there are no rules on what you must do. I other words, if singles events and online dating don’t appeal to you, don’t worry. The Universe can be creative to meet you where you are.

For example, The Universe gives us feedback in the form of synchronicities. If you are a person who likes reading books, the Universe will attract a book to you that will have the message you need. If you never read books, but watch television 24/7, then the Universe will use that media to contact you. We are getting feedback constantly! But most of us don’t know how to be ready to “hear” or “see” the messages that come.

As for your personal experience with singles event….just so you know, I’ve never attended a single one. Don’t even know what they are like. But I know that if I got interested in one at some point in the future, I can rest assured that I would learn and grow from it.

Same goes for online dating. Online dating works. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it certainly won’t work for you so long as you have negative thoughts about it. If you assume that all people who are doing online dating are predatory, then you will experience just that…being prey. It is the law of attraction. What you think manifests, especially when you have a lot of energy behind it.

Read your letter to me again. Can’t you just FEEL your disgust? Yes, it is this energy that attracts more unwanted “singles” situations to you.

My advice to you would be to see if you can remain OPEN that singles events and online dating are fabulous sources for meeting a partner, and that maybe they just don’t resonate with you right now. Know that they work for others. And they won’t work for you as long as you are negative about them.

That being said, I still reiterate that there are plenty of opportunities out there to manifest your dream partner without forcing yourself to do singles events and online dating because you’ve been told you should.

Do what you love! That will keep your vibration positive and will help attract your dream partner.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: The Law of Attraction Worked for Everything In My Life Except Love…Why?

Posted on 06 January 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,


I have been reading about the Law of Attraction for over three years. I have been using techniques from Brian Tracy, Jack Canfield etc. Im very successful as a lawyer, I have my dream house, my dream job and the greatest friends ever. I look great, I work out a lot and Im told to be very attractive. STILL, I have been single for over six years and what ever I do or I don’t do, I don’t seem to be able to attract my dream partner – or a partner at all, he he. I cant figure out what Im doing wrong. I love my life, but I’m 38 years old and I long for a partner for a lifetime and to have a family. Why is the law of attraction not working in my love life but in all other areas in my life?…I love your homepage, thank you for all the free stuff. Best regards from Iceland.




Dear Linda,


You’re welcome! Thank you for writing. First of all let’s celebrate your successes! You have your dream home, your dream job and amazing friends. Whoo hoo!!


So why am I focusing on celebrating first?


Because the Universe responds to what we are grateful for AND what we celebrate, we get more of! In your case, I think you’re well on your way to manifesting your dream partner. Yes, it is taking longer than you would like, but let me ask you this:


Have you spent as much time learning from relationship experts and gurus as much as you have from your other “success” mentors and gurus? Just wondering. Energy flows where you attention goes. So how much energy have you put into examining your relationships (including relationships with self, with parents, with former significant others etc.) and how much energy have you put into learning MORE about being more present in relationships, how to communicate more effectively, how to resolve conflict and differences when they inevitably come up?


If you have spent lots of time studying the relationship arena, then hearty congrats! If not, then I would direct your already open mind to learning “new” skills in the area of relationships. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you will be showing yourself and the Universe that you really mean business! You’ll do whatever it takes to manifest your dream!


My sense is that you are very close to manifesting your dream partner. Even James Arthur Ray, an esteemed teacher from the movie The Secret, mentions in his book Harmonic Wealth, that he hasn’t manifested his ideal partner yet….but he is confident he will.


The timing of the Universe is impeccable. The moment you almost “give up” (let go of attachment that is), is the moment where you’ll be pleasantly surprised!


Keep going. You’re on the right track.



Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. you may also benefit from private coaching. The last two single people who I privately coached for only three session both manifested their partners very quickly…




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Dear Dr. Karen: What Pictures Do I Use To Attract Love?

Posted on 11 November 2008 by Dr. Karen

Hello Dr. Karen,

My question is: If I want to find love, besides thinking positively, what other things can also help me? If I put pictures on my wall, what kind of pictures would they be?

Mary (not her real name)

Dear Mary,

Positive thinking is helpful, but it isn’t the way you harness the law of attraction (please see my post on the Law of Attraction is not positive thinking). What you want to do with your visualizations, if that is a tool that resonates with you, is to choose pictures that give you an emotional reaction. In other words, choose photos and pictures that inspire you when you look at them.

It isn’t the positive thought that brings about the wanted outcome or intention. It is the positive feeling that stems from the positive thought. All the positive thinking in the world won’t do anyone any good if there isn’t an associated feeling of inspiration, passion, joy and fulfillment. See the difference?

I have a relative that tells me that she always thinks positively and is fairly good at reframing negative situations, yet whenever she goes to the bank, she complains constantly that the workers at the bank are incompetent and always make mistakes. Guess what? She’s right! They DO always make mistakes…around HER. Even though she considers herself a positive thinker, she hasn’t become conscious of her repetitive negative programming.

Creating a visual reminder of your dream come true may help to rewire some of your programming. A dream board or a vision board can be created by cutting out photos from magazines and pasting them to a poster board. I have friends who have such a big dream board, it fills up an entire wall!

I use a cut-and-paste type vision board, but I also use a dynamic vision board – one that associates inspiring music and affirmations with each photo. You can create your own at www.amazingvisionboards.com. I have one for career, one for health, one for wealth etc.

The purpose of the visual reminder is for you to get into the vibration (emotionally) of already having received your intention (your dream partner). The more you can stay in this vibration of already having received, the faster your dream partner will come to you.

Also, imagine that everything that happens to you from this day forth is meant to be…and will lead you to the dream partner you desire. Some situations may come up that you may consider negative, and that’s where the “positive” attitude can come in – reframe the so-called negative situation into a positive one,  and understand that everything happens for a reason and that reason is there to serve you.

The more you can have overall peace and fulfillment in your life, the happier your life will be with or without a partner…and the happier you are, the more you’ll find very many wonderful potential partners to share your life with!


Dr. Karen Kan

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