“Can I Prevent Cheating with the Law of Attraction?”
Here is a heart-felt letter from Stephanie that I felt compelled to answer right away:
Dear Dr. Karen,
My name is Stephanie and I feel kind of awkward while writing this email mainly because I an far too young for relationships (16 y.o). My problem is the following: my parents are getting divorced after 17 years of marriage. They never really had any big problems but things got worse when my dad cheated. After endless fights and screams, my mom and her also-divorced friends decided to “educate” me on maintaining the “love” in the marriage. After endless hours of talking, they came to the conclusion that all men cheat and that at some point in my life, my man will cheat on me too. My parents ‘ relationship has made me unable to trust anyone and I feel that the same things will happen to me too. I have been using the law of attraction for a couple of years…with “medium ” success but I have only started to fully comprehend its powers in the last few months.
Can I prevent such a cheating behavior with the law of attraction? Can I have a happy home with a faithful husband? I really appreciate you taking the time to read this email. I am most thankful for being able to open up my heart to you because I desperately do not want to repeat my family’s mistake. Thank you very much and I am looking forward to receiving your reply.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Not only are you courageous for wanting to manifest a different love life than your parents and their friends, you are also aware that you have the power within you to do so! Amazing! Way to go girl!
Statistics reveal that many men (and women) are unfaithful in their relationships. One can either judge this statistic as sad or revealing. Let’s just suppose that the statistics (http://www.nbcnews.com/id/
- Can one person truly give us all the love and support we need to completely thrive and live to our fullest potential?
- Is there only room in our hearts for one person?
- Do we really need sex with more than one person? and if so, why?
- Is it reasonable to love more than one person romantically but only save sex for one person?
- Is having monogamous sex synonymous with “committed” love? or is it a ”reward” of some sort? or an antiquated idea?
- Is it possible that humankind can evolve so that we can love more than one person and allow our partners do so the same without jealousy or envy?
- Does cheating mean that something is missing in an otherwise good relationship? or is it a natural genetic pull? or a natural energetic pull?
- Is our expectation of a sexually faithful spouse even realistic or spiritual?
These are questions I do not have definitive answers to, but they are questions you can ask your inner guidance. I’m not a history buff, but those that are will tell us that marriage was more of a contract concerning property and ownership (in certain cultures that meant also ownership of the wife) than it was about love. Monogamous sex has been “proof” of a good marriage, but if you think about it, this has nothing to do with real love. It has more to do with rules. That being said, open marriages and polyamorous relationships only work with the most enlightened and conscious people who have developed completely open hearts and great communication skills. I would say that is one in a hundred people.
Most people “cheat” when they no longer feel the spark they used to feel with their partner. Little do they realize it is because they have now settled into the space where their past programming has come up for healing and resolution. If they do not resolve the underlying emotional issues within their relationship, they are bound to bring all that baggage into their new relationship. Isn’t it true that most people blame their partners for their marriage problems instead of looking within to see why they’ve attracted this person into their lives? Even if a person attracts an abusive partner and eventually decides to leave him/her, she doesn’t have to BLAME that person for being who they are. Instead she can bless that person for showing her how strong she really is (and how well she can stand up for herself now).
It isn’t so much the extramarital sex that hurts the relationship as much as the lying. Lying means that you do not trust your partner enough to share with them what you truly want or need in order for your to thrive or grow. If my partner shared with me that he needed fulfillment outside of our relationship, I would honor him for trusting me with that intimate information. And if I truly loved him unconditionally, I would bless him to do whatever he felt was best for him. It doesn’t mean that our relationship wouldn’t change in form, but it means that our love is deep enough that we aren’t scared to be who we really are.
If we no longer have jealousy or envy when it comes to our relationships, then we know we’ve really evolved as a species! So far, this is not our common everyday reality, but one day it might be! Unconditional love is possible!
Stephanie, let’s get back to you. Can you prevent the cheating behavior? Well, it depends. If your partner trusts you enough to tell you the truth, then yes. Instead of cheating on you, he’d be willing to tell you what he’s feeling. Which would you prefer? You can’t prevent another person from being attracted to someone else. But if you’re willing to let them feel whatever they feel, they will trust and love you more. You see, if you don’t trust someone, they won’t trust you. Like attracts Like. That’s the Law of Attraction. I know you already know that. When our partners lie, it is because they are afraid of telling us the truth. They are afraid of our reaction. If you routinely react with loving kindness and understanding while at the same time maintaining healthy boundaries, you have the basis for fabulous thriving relationships! It’s not easy, but it is something for all of us to strive for.
Yes, you can have a faithful husband if you want, but you first have to decide why it is important to you? Just because society feels that the ideal relationship form is a lifetime of sexually monogamy, it doesn’t meant that it is necessarily the healthiest or even the most spiritual. After reading Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God series, I had a renewed sense of openness when it comes to relationships. Seeing it from “God’s” perspective, so to speak, comforted me that we are not all that “bad” or “corrupt” as human beings. It’s all about choice and love, not about rules or fear. If we fear our partners will be unfaithful, that fear will bring that reality crashing down on us. Many of us choose monogamy because it enables us to go super-deep with one person without the distraction of other significant energetics disrupting this flow. See the difference in perspective? Relationships take work. The more people involved, the more work it is! And most people aren’t willing to do that kind of spiritual growth work.
You are already aware that your mother’s programming, all men cheat, might have already been ingrained into your subconscious through which you may manifest the same fate. The more emotional the situation, the harder it etches into your subconscious recording device! However, your awareness of the issue is already half the cure! The second half is pretty straight forward. The quickest and cleanest way I know how to “rid” yourself of this programming is to use the Emotion Code. It is a technique pioneered by Dr. Brad Nelson to discover and release trapped emotions around any issue, including relationships issues. It uses muscle testing and his Emotion Code chart to determine the exact trapped emotion (based on Chinese medicine). Once you’ve discovered it, you then proceed to release it with a few simple “sweeps” along one of your acupuncture meridians using a magnet. Simple! And it’s gone!
In your case, when you use the Emotion Code, you’d ask things like:
- Is there a trapped emotion I can release around the belief that “all men cheat”? If you get a YES, then you would do the Emotion Code procedure to release that emotion. Then you’d repeat it as many times as the muscle testing says “yes” until you’ve released them all
- Is there a trapped emotion I can release that is preventing me from having a healthy romantic relationship with a man? Repeat as necessary
- Is there a trapped emotion I can release around my parents divorce? Repeat as necessary
The cool thing about using the Emotion Code is that you do not have to KNOW what the trapped emotion is. The muscle testing will tell you. When you use other techniques I recommend in my book, such as EFT (Tapping), you already have to know what emotion or belief is messing you up. I’d recommend doing both if you can.
So let me know how it goes Stephanie! You can get a copy of Dr. Brad’s book, the Emotion Code on Amazon or you can get his whole program (which has instructional DVDs – necessary if you actually want to learn how to properly perform muscle testing) at a discount through my special link: www.KarenKan.com/emotion.
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