Tag Archive | "cheating"

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Letter from Stephanie: Do all men cheat?

Posted on 24 February 2013 by Dr. Karen

“Can I Prevent Cheating with the Law of Attraction?”  

Here is a heart-felt letter from Stephanie that I felt compelled to answer right away:

Dear Dr. Karen,
My name is Stephanie and I feel kind of awkward while writing this email mainly because I an far too young for relationships (16 y.o).  My problem is the following: my parents are getting divorced after 17 years of marriage. They never really had any big problems but things got worse when my dad cheated. After endless fights and screamsmy mom and her also-divorced friends decided to “educate” me on maintaining the “love” in the marriage.  After endless hours of talkingthey came to the conclusion that all men cheat and that at some point in my lifemy man will cheat on me too. My parents ‘ relationship has made me unable to trust anyone and I feel that the same things will happen to me too.  I have been using the law of attraction for a couple of years…with “medium ” success but I have only started to fully comprehend its powers in the last few months.

Can I prevent such a cheating behavior with the law of attraction?  Can I have a happy home with a faithful husband?  I really appreciate you taking the time to read this email. I am most thankful for being able to open up my heart to you because I desperately do not want to repeat my family’s mistake.  Thank you very much and I am looking forward to receiving your reply.
Yours faithfully,

Dear Stephanie,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  Not only are you courageous for wanting to manifest a different love life than your parents and their friends, you are also aware that you have the power within you to do so! Amazing! Way to go girl!

Statistics reveal that many men (and women) are unfaithful in their relationships.  One can either judge this statistic as sad or revealing.  Let’s just suppose that the statistics (http://www.nbcnews.com/id/17951664/ns/health-sexual_health/#.USptyPL3Ow0) are true.  If so then let’s put our open-minded consciousness hats on for a moment so we can ponder these questions:

  1. Can one person truly give us all the love and support we need to completely thrive and live to our fullest potential?
  2. Is there only room in our hearts for one person?
  3. Do we really need sex with more than one person? and if so, why?
  4. Is it reasonable to love more than one person romantically but only save sex for one person?
  5. Is having monogamous sex synonymous with “committed” love? or is it a “reward” of some sort? or an antiquated idea?
  6. Is it possible that humankind can evolve so that we can love more than one person and allow our partners do so the same without jealousy or envy?
  7. Does cheating mean that something is missing in an otherwise good relationship? or is it a natural genetic pull? or a natural energetic pull?
  8. Is our expectation of a sexually faithful spouse even realistic or spiritual?

These are questions I do not have definitive answers to, but they are questions you can ask your inner guidance.  I’m not a history buff, but those that are will tell us that marriage was more of a contract concerning property and ownership (in certain cultures that meant also ownership of the wife) than it was about love.  Monogamous sex has been “proof” of a good marriage, but if you think about it, this has nothing to do with real love. It has more to do with rules.  That being said, open marriages and polyamorous relationships only work with the most enlightened and conscious people who have developed completely open hearts and great communication skills.  I would say that is one in a hundred people.

Most people “cheat” when they no longer feel the spark they used to feel with their partner.  Little do they realize it is because they have now settled into the space where their past programming has come up for healing and resolution.  If they do not resolve the underlying emotional issues within their relationship, they are bound to bring all that baggage into their new relationship.  Isn’t it true that most people blame their partners for their marriage problems instead of looking within to see why they’ve attracted this person into their lives?  Even if a person attracts an abusive partner and eventually decides to leave him/her, she doesn’t have to BLAME that person for being who they are.  Instead she can bless that person for showing her how strong she really is (and how well she can stand up for herself now).

It isn’t so much the extramarital sex that hurts the relationship as much as the lying.  Lying means that you do not trust your partner enough to share with them what you truly want or need in order for your to thrive or grow.  If my partner shared with me that he needed fulfillment outside of our relationship, I would honor him for trusting me with that intimate information.  And if I truly loved him unconditionally, I would bless him to do whatever he felt was best for him.  It doesn’t mean that our relationship wouldn’t change in form, but it means that our love is deep enough that we aren’t scared to be who we really are.

If we no longer have jealousy or envy when it comes to our relationships, then we know we’ve really evolved as a species! So far, this is not our common everyday reality, but one day it might be! Unconditional love is possible!

Stephanie, let’s get back to you.  Can you prevent the cheating behavior?  Well, it depends.  If your partner trusts you enough to tell you the truth, then yes.  Instead of cheating on you, he’d be willing to tell you what he’s feeling.  Which would you prefer?  You can’t prevent another person from being attracted to someone else.  But if you’re willing to let them feel whatever they feel, they will trust and love you more.  You see, if you don’t trust someone, they won’t trust you.  Like attracts Like.  That’s the Law of Attraction.  I know you already know that.  When our partners lie, it is because they are afraid of telling us the truth.  They are afraid of our reaction.  If you routinely react with loving kindness and understanding while at the same time maintaining healthy boundaries, you have the basis for fabulous thriving relationships! It’s not easy, but it is something for all of us to strive for.

Yes, you can have a faithful husband if you want, but you first have to decide why it is important to you?  Just because society feels that the ideal relationship form is a lifetime of sexually monogamy, it doesn’t meant that it is necessarily the healthiest or even the most spiritual.  After reading Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God series, I had a renewed sense of openness when it comes to relationships.  Seeing it from “God’s” perspective, so to speak, comforted me that we are not all that “bad” or “corrupt” as human beings.  It’s all about choice and love, not about rules or fear.  If we fear our partners will be unfaithful, that fear will bring that reality crashing down on us.  Many of us choose monogamy because it enables us to go super-deep with one person without the distraction of other significant energetics disrupting this flow.  See the difference in perspective?  Relationships take work. The more people involved, the more work it is! And most people aren’t willing to do that kind of spiritual growth work.

You are already aware that your mother’s programming, all men cheat, might have already been ingrained into your subconscious through which you may manifest the same fate.  The more emotional the situation, the harder it etches into your subconscious recording device!  However, your awareness of the issue is already half the cure!  The second half is pretty straight forward.  The quickest and cleanest way I know how to “rid” yourself of this programming is to use the Emotion Code.  It is a technique pioneered by Dr. Brad Nelson to discover and release trapped emotions around any issue, including relationships issues.   It uses muscle testing and his Emotion Code chart to determine the exact trapped emotion (based on Chinese medicine).  Once you’ve discovered it, you then proceed to release it with a few simple “sweeps” along one of your acupuncture meridians using a magnet. Simple! And it’s gone!

In your case, when you use the Emotion Code, you’d ask things like:

  1. Is there a trapped emotion I can release around the belief that “all men cheat”? If you get a YES, then you would do the Emotion Code procedure to release that emotion. Then you’d repeat it as many times as the muscle testing says “yes” until you’ve released them all
  2. Is there a trapped emotion I can release that is preventing me from having a healthy romantic relationship with a man? Repeat as necessary
  3. Is there a trapped emotion I can release around my parents divorce? Repeat as necessary

The cool thing about using the Emotion Code is that you do not have to KNOW what the trapped emotion is.  The muscle testing will tell you.  When you use other techniques I recommend in my book, such as EFT (Tapping), you already have to know what emotion or belief is messing you up.  I’d recommend doing both if you can.

So let me know how it goes Stephanie! You can get a copy of Dr. Brad’s book, the Emotion Code on Amazon or you can get his whole program (which has instructional DVDs – necessary if you actually want to learn how to properly perform muscle testing) at a discount through my special link: www.KarenKan.com/emotion.


Dr. Karen

PS Hey, almost forgot to tell you the exciting news! My new book, Guide to Healing Chronic Pain – A Holistic Approach, hit #1 on Amazon’s bestseller list last Friday!  If you know of anyone who’s in pain and who doesn’t want to do surgery or drugs, let them know about it.  I’m doing a FREE Kindle promotion Friday March 1 through Sunday March 3rd.  Just tell them to go to the bookstore link during those days to download the 516 page book free:http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BGY1TAY

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Dear Dr. Karen: How Can I Make A Man Faithful?

Posted on 24 August 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

I’m so happy to ask you this question because it’s on my mind for several months. When a man cheats a woman, is it because of his character or because of the woman who is afraid of it and hence attracts it into her life? Can I make every man being faithful when I believe in it?

Thank you.
With love

Dear Nicole,

Great questions and I’m glad you’re asking. This is a subject I enjoy talking about in my teleseminars and radio shows so I urge you to listen in on both to get the “full scoop” on my thoughts on the subject.

It is indeed true that when I woman is AFRAID of a man cheating on her, she WILL attract men who cheat on her. It usually stems from a pattern of abandonment that occurred early in her youth or, as I’ve discovered, a pattern that her mother suffered and she witnessed. Sometimes when children witness their parents’ struggles, they start embodying them as their own.

I had just that happen to me. My mother was very distrustful of men in general and no wonder. Her father was a cheat and liar, but was so incredibly charming you could barely resist him. I grew to distrust men as well and thus helped to co-create a distrustful relationship with my first husband. I have since done a lot of internal work on myself so I’m learning to let go of my old programming.

Whether or not the man has a character flaw is irrelevant. If you are afraid of cheating, cheating will follow you around wherever you go because of the Law of Attraction. FEAR is a powerful magnet.

You want to know how you can make a man faithful. The answer: you can’t. In fact, the one thing men value most is freedom. Listen to Satyen Raja’s interview here. The worst thing you can do is to put limits on a man. So what does that mean?

Well, the grand majority of men and a growing number of women, if given the opportunity, would prefer to have sexual relations with more than one person while in a committed long-term relationship with someone. However, our society frowns on such behavior and frankly, our current level of conscious relating and communicating is so poor that I would be reticent to suggest that most people could be highly successful at open relationships.

That being said, the best way to be happy is for you to let go of the notion that in order for you to be happy, you need a man to be faithful to you. The less constraining your attitude is towards your partner, the more attractive you become. I swear this is true! It is their nature! Why fight it?

We have been conditioned in our society to value monogamy because somehow we were taught that monogamy or serial monogamy meant a higher valued relationship. I have seen, however, through observing countless relationships, that fidelity, has nothing to do with quality and happiness in the relationship. Most people don’t understand that fidelity is not the source of happiness. You are your OWN source of happiness.

Using Law of Attraction affirmations for fidelity or faithfulness only serves to enhance your chance of it backfiring on you. Why? Because you are FOCUSED on cheating when you are asking for someone who is faithful to you (as it implies that you are afraid)! What you focus on grows!

Instead, focus on attracting someone who is committed to fully loving and appreciating you and don’t even worry about cheating (easier said than done given your upbringing and programming). Focus on a relationship built on honesty…which means that you’d tell him that you’d rather know if he wants to cheat and you’d lovingly respect him for it instead of hiding it from you. And of course the reciprocal would be true.

I know what I’m suggesting is foreign to most people. I highly recommend you read Neale Donald Walsh‘s series, Conversations with God, especially book 1 and 2 as well as his book on Relationships for more thorough discussions of this topic!

Thank you again Nicole for your questions.

Dr. Karen

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