Very often I’m reminded just how wonderful it is to be experiencing life with the love of my life. In my first relationship, my husband and I were often at odds with what we both liked and disliked. It seemed like a stretch everytime we tried to think of things we’d like to do together. I remember (as I’m sure he did as well) compromising time and time again.

Although it was challenging to “be” with someone who wasn’t a great fit for me, I am grateful for the experience because NOW I can really APPRECIATE what I have! Isn’t that the case with many of us? We don’t know or appreciate what we have until we first experience the opposite?

This Christmas Holiday season was another instance where I experienced my Divine other giving truly from his heart. A few days before we travelled for Christmas, he ran out of the house suddenly right after we had come back from skating. He was in such a hurry to “pick up last minute Christmas gifts”, I couldn’t imagine what the emergency was!

The next day, I saw an elongated package under the tree. James was so afraid that I would guess my present since he knew how intuitive I can be. But so not the ruin the surprise, I decided to block myself from even guessing or thinking about the gift until Christmas morning.

So December 25th morning finally came and we were unwrapping presents at my parents house. For the first time, I felt the gift. It was heavy. Immediately I knew what it was, but I could hardly believe he got it for me!

What was it?

When I ripped open the wrapping, I discovered the vinyl banner I’ve wanted for the last four years.

This vinyl banner is special. It was one of the one-of-a-kind banners hanging from the Olympic Arena (box office entrance) celebrating the 25th anniversary of the 1980 Olympics. It had a special photo of a figure skater on it. Well, that figure skater was ME.

Yes! It was a photo of me. And no one from the Olympic Center even knew that in 2005 they “happened” to choose MY photo out of hundreds of photos from a stock photo company. While in Los Angeles, I did what all good Los Angelinos do…audition for something! In this case it was for sports stock photography.

The problem four years ago was that I had asked to buy the banner from the Olympic Center (whenever they were done with it) and was flatly refused. I was dejected, but every week, I felt a lift when going to the rink for practice because I’d look up and see it hanging there at the entrance.

Then Skate America2009  came to Lake Placid and the arena  had a complete makeover. My banner was suddenly taken down. So much for my “lift”. I thought I’d never see “my” banner again.

But James, my dream partner, took the opportunity to do whatever he could to find that poster and give it to me for Christmas. He asked one of the senior administrators (who was shocked to learn it was a photo of me) and told him that he’d pay anything to get it for me (such a sweetie). Much to his surprise, the administrator offered it to him free of charge!

Wow!

So on Christmas day, my dream of having this banner as a momento came true. I waited four years and never thought it could happen, but James felt the opportunity to give me joy and took quick action!

25th Anniversary Banner for the 1980 Olympics

There are two lessons here:

1. I believe that if you’re truly connected to your partner, you will be able to intuit each other’s desires and feelings and act according to each other’s highest good.
2. The Universe always knows what the best timing is to manifest what you desire. It wouldn’t have been the same emotional impact had I procured the banner for myself four years ago. Thus, we can all just “let go and let God” a little more, eh?

If you haven’t signed up for my free Attracting Love eCourse and the free GOODIES, please do so today!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. Please comment below and tell me what you think!

My partner, James, just told me about an old high school friend he just connected with on Facebook. She was lamenting that her daughter, who lost her dad in the military, has been in the hospital due to mental distress. He was asking me about what he could do to counsel his friend.

I suggested two things, the first of which was specific to James’ skill as a healer. I told him that he could do a distance Reiki healing on the daughter. He would have to sense telepathically whether she would accept the healing before proceeding (us healers don’t IMPOSE our healings on others if they don’t want it).

The second thing I suggested was for him to tell his friend to write daily journal entries (5 minutes is all that is required) stating all the things she appreciates about her daughter for at least 30 days in a row. Since she lives far away from her daughter, she cannot be by her side to comfort her, and of course as a mother she is worried.

When we try to help people, our worrying adds to their burden. Instead, we want to send a higher vibrational energy stream their way. This journaling exercise is a great way to do it.

So if you have someone you care about in a crisis, the best thing you can do without even having to tell them, is a daily appreciation exercise. This will help them feel better about themselves believe it or not.

I had a case where a patient’s son was suicidal. My patient lived far away so he was distraught he could not help his son. I had him do this exercise for 30 days straight. Very quickly, both the son and the patient got out of the crisis and his son did just fine.

Do not underestimate the power of energy and YOUR power to heal yourself and others. You have much to contribute to the world through your love. And via the Law of Attraction, what you emanate in love will come back to you many times over!

If you’re new to this blog, please sign up for our GOODIES in the tab at the top of the webpage! And also, please let me know what you think of this post by commenting below.

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

The Dear Dr. Karen question this week:

Dear Dr. Karen:

Joseph

Dear Joseph:

Thanks for writing. Did you say years?

Let me get this straight. You’ve been in love with this woman for years, have told her that you love her and shared with her your desires for your future together and she doesn’t really want to show you she cares all these years?

Well, it is great that she has values, beliefs and desirable qualities you resonate with. That’s a good start. But after being friends for years, don’t you think you’ve waited a long time to have your affections reciprocated? And now you live thousands of miles away!

I’ve heard of a woman playing hard to get, but I’m not getting any sense from you that she is even trying to vie for your attentions. So my question to you is, what exactly are you looking for from this woman? And how can this be the woman you desire if she does not desire you? Years is long enough for her to figure it out don’t you think?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Well, it’s not really a secret, but many people don’t realize this: that the world is changing faster and faster. And what that means for you is that years is definitely TOO long not to move forward with your life! That’s not to say that learning dating skills won’t be helpful. And learning to understand women is even more helpful.

Here’s what I know. There is a woman (or more than one) out “there” who can’t wait to be with you. Someone who adores you just as you adore her. You don’t have to change yourself just so she will love you. She will love you as you are. Believe it. Feel it – and it will be yours.

You deserve it.

Just because you love this woman you’ve set your sights on doesn’t mean you can’t love another! Instead, use the love you feel to create and attract an even better match. Let go emotionally of being with THIS particular woman. In fact, I’d encourage you to ask her point blank whether she is romantically interested in you or not, and to let her know that it is OK if she isn’t because you’ll learn to move on. You just need to know the truth. Women have a way of not telling the truth because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

If you can show her that you are “man” (i.e. strong) enough to take the truth, you’ll get it. She needs to know you won’t crumble. And it’s about time that you free yourself of anything and anyone who would slow your growth into the love you desire.

Change is happening much faster in our world now. You cannot “afford” to keep waiting for your life to happen. You deserve to experience life and love like never before.

For your growth and education, I’d highly recommend that you read books by David Deida: www.deida.info especially, The Way of the Superior Man, which you can find in my Law of Attraction in Love Bookstore. When you start to resonate at your most enlightened masculine self, you’d be AMAZED at the women (and the quality of women) you attract! Best to you Joseph!

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Dr. Karen

Alexander

Dear Alexander,

I’m not quite sure why you’re asking me whether you can find another young woman to have a relationship with since you’ve been fairly successful at attracting them in your past. It sounds like you’re doubting that you can because of your disabilities – is that it?

It is good to hear that your former girlfriends have all become friends. It sounds like there is genuine love and respect there. Congrats!

One thing that caught my attention is your belief about giving your love in exchange for trust and intimacy. You may wish to listen to the Blog Talk Radio interview I did with Neale Donald Walsch on the subject of romantic relationships. It isn’t about an “exchange” of anything if I can paraphrase. Instead it is about giving the biggest YOU you can give in a relationship.

Old paradigm relationships are about exchanges. I’ll do this for you if you do that for me. I’ll be sexually faithful to you if you’re sexually faithful to me. I won’t smoke/drink/gamble if you promise to love me, etc. The new paradigm of relationships isn’t about these “trades” or exchanges at all. It is about being fully who you are – being fully in your divine, an offering your love unconditionally.

So it matters not how old you are or how well you can walk, but about how much of your presence and love you can give to another.

Blessings to you,
Dr. Karen Kan

Dr. Karen,

Lawen

Dear Lawen,

I can answer you simply. No, it is not love.

Why not?

Because true love is free and unconditional. What you have instead is an addiction. Yes, an addiction. You are addicted to the chemical hormones coursing through the cells of your body and you are “high” from your feelings of longing as well as your feelings of anger. It makes you feel alive.

Your intuition has already told you that “your frequencies never match”, yet you pursue him. And I can make a couple of guesses why you do. One possibility is that when you were young, there was someone in your life that you could not “have”. You couldn’t get enough attention from that person, a parent perhaps. Maybe that parent was unfaithful or untrustworthy.

I’ve seen countless examples of how adults who were abused as children still long for their parent to love them despite the obvious evidence that they do not have the capacity to do so. You could be repeating an unconscious pattern from your childhood that “makes you” addicted to pursuing the love and attention you never received as a child.

So you have a decision to make. You can continue on your unrewarding pursuit of an addiction, with its highs and lows, and never feel the true joy of a truly loving relationship. Or, you can get some help to free yourself from your current addiction.

Don’t underestimate the power of your addiction. You will need help and support to neutralize it. It will take time and lot of self-compassion. It has nothing to do with “him” and everything to do with your own conditioning. He just represents a part of you that you need to heal. His unfaithfulness to you is a blessing. It hurts, yes, but it is an opportunity. It is an opportunity for you to truly LOVE yourself first.

If you truly LOVE yourself fully, then you would never desire to be with someone who treats you less than you wish to be treated. There’s the key. You actually don’t love yourself enough to let go and realize that there are plenty of other men out there who WILL love you and be faithful to you. But it starts with changing YOU.

Bottom line, go get some professional help. You don’t have to do this alone. I believe in you.

Blessings,
Dr Karen Kan

Here’s a great letter from Jan:

Dear Dr. Karen,

Jan

Dear Jan,

What you face is uncomfortable and unfortunately very common. Do you ever wonder why you’re in this situation?

Here’s the answer:

You attracted an alcoholic husband so that you could heal a deep part of yourself that needs healing from childhood. Your husband is a mirror. He represents a part of you that you have rejected and do not love fully.

We call that The Shadow. To learn more about the shadow, I highly recommend that you view this film (preferably with your husband when he is sober and if he is agreeable), The Shadow Effect.

Everyone that we attract into our lives represents different facets of ourselves (the Law of Attraction). Our relationships can either be life-affirming or not. Some of the people we attract are representations of our Shadow. Your husband is one of those people.

I’m assuming you have children when you refer to your “family”. Your number one responsibility as a parent to your child is to lovingly model what you would like their lives to be. No matter what you SAY or TELL them to do, they will, on some level, model after one parent or the other (or both).

So what are you modeling right now?

Are you happy? I can see that you are not. So as each day goes by, you are teaching your children how to be unhappy. This may sound harsh, but I want to level with you.

Unless you get some support (and I mean MAJOR support) in your life right now to make some changes, you are literally sentencing those you love, your children, to a very difficult future. They will not have a healthy model of how to be happy. They will not have a healthy model of how to have a healthy love relationship.

You are so afraid of breaking up your family that you suffer from your inaction to do anything about it. Guess what? You’re family is already breaking up. You just can’t see it because you are willing to live this lie in front of your children in the guise that it is good for them.

It is not.

They know. Maybe not on a conscious level, but the negativity is seeping into their pores and you are letting it happen.

Do you love them enough to change?

Do you love them enough to do whatever it takes to figure out how to be happy so that you can model authentic joy and love?

Do you love them enough to stop waiting for your husband to change and instead, get some real help so that you can live the life of joy you were meant to live.

If what I say causes tears, I understand. If you were standing here in front of me, I would give you a hug, then hold you by the shoulders and look deeply into your eyes and tell you,

“You can do it. You are not alone. I believe in you. You will find a way.”

So to answer your question more directly, here’s my advice:

1. Get support. Call a trusted friend and have her take you to an Al-Anon meeting every week. You won’t feel like you’re all alone anymore.

2. Read Melanie Beatty’s book, Co-Dependent No More starting tomorrow. And when you’re done, read the next book, Beyond Co-dependency. You can find these at the Law of Attraction in Love Bookstore.

3. Write down your intentions on exactly HOW you want your life to look…and make sure none of what you wish to manifest depends on your husband changing anything.

4. With the support of your Al-Anon or a counselor, take action to change your life. Your dream will not manifest without action.

From the patients I have had that have gone through what you’re going through and come out the other side, I can share with you that “breaking up your family” is one of the least harmful things you can do.

I can guarantee your husband WON’T change if you don’t. If you do decide to leave him, expect begging and pleading and promises to change. If you love him sober and wish to be with him that way, then consider waiting for at least six months of sobriety and AA meetings (for him) before you even entertain the notion of moving back in with him.

Sometimes, when an alcoholic knows that he is going to lose everything he value most, it is the motivation they need to change. Sometimes, it isn’t enough. But if that’s the case, then you know that you and the children don’t rank (and why would you want to stay in that kind of relationship anyway?)

I wish you the best. Go get some help today!

When you get a chance please connect with me on FaceBook and Twitter.

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Dr. Karen,

Blessings
Lady Claire/Clarita

Claire,

There is an art to receiving. Many of us were taught when we were young, that it was “better to give than to receive”. Have you heard that before? It wasn’t until recently that one of my teachers, T. Harv Eker, pointed out that the real saying goes something like: “It is better to be in the position to give than in the position to need to receive”. A completely different meaning!!

What if everyone in the world were givers only? Who would be there to receive?

How do you feel when you give something to someone from your heart? It usually feels really good doesn’t it? I know I get very excited and happy shopping for my mother because I know her tastes and I love surprising her with a gift she didn’t expect. My mom is usually thrilled with my choice and I feel really good about giving it to her and receiving her apprecation.

So if you have been taught that it is better to give than to receive, it is high time that you “erase” that non-supportive belief from your belief files. By not being able to “receive” you rob another person (or The Universe) the joy of giving you something. Giving and receiving is a 50:50 proposition!

How many times have you received a compliment…only to defect the compliment by making a compliment of your own? I’ve done it thousands of times. I never knew I was robbing that person of their “gift”. If you’ve made this “mistake”, you can undo it starting today. Commit to being a better receiver. When someone gives you a compliment, smile, let that acknowledgement wash over you, and say thank you. Avoid the urge to give a compliment back.

In my eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life, we explore the other ways in which you can learn the art of receiving. Learning how to receive in one area of your life spills over to all areas of your life (including relationships and money!)

To Your Happiness,
Dr. Karen

P.S. I feel so strongly about this “giving-receiving” balance, that I actually made a t-shirt about it! you can check it out here

Dear Dr. Karen,

Dear Ken,

Intend the type of relationship you wish to have with your fiancee. Your greatest gift to her is loving her exactly the way she is, with all the fears and insecurities she may have. She has attracted you into her life to be a mirror. You can treat her differently from all the other people who has let her down in the past. The relationship is a form of healing for both of you if you can see it that way.

Instead of wanting her to change because you think she (and you) would feel better, see if you can be inquisitive about what makes her tick. The Law of Attraction works in this way – the more unconditional the love you can have towards your fiancee, the more that kind of love will return to you. Don’t try to change her. You’re not her therapist and you shouldn’t put yourself in that role.

What would help even more is that YOU get counseling or coaching. You would set an example for her. If she sees how much happier you are when you are working on your own “stuff”, then maybe, just maybe, she’ll be inspired to delve into her own “stuff” and clear it once and for all.

Too often we are trying too hard to tell others how they can change to be happier instead of focusing on our OWN stuff. So Ken, how CAN you be happier with your fiancee without needing her to change? There is no such thing as a real stalemate. You are either growing or dying. Which is it?

Take the initiative to grow yourself. Don’t wait for her to change or even give her the sense that you wish her to change. It will be counterproductive. Instead, give her what she has never received, unconditional love AND acceptance. And may she be inspired by your example.

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Dr. Karen

Thank you for all the information you have available for attracting my dream partner. I know I have a weakness in attracting healthy relationships and my soulmate. I was not raised in a healthy environment, nor was there any positive role models available. I’ve been working on these emotional issues, and I believe that I am making significant progress. Even though it is taking a very long time for my soulmate to manifest.

Right now I am somewhat depressed. I took approx. 7 years off from dating guys ( I was consistently attracting the same type of negative people.) I worked real hard on my self esteem, and forgiveness and loving myself, etc. However, recently I met a gentlemen with most of the qualities that I had on my list. After about a week of dating, which I really enjoyed, he was a true gentlemen etc. He abrutly told me that things are not going to work out between us. I was so devastated! After so long, I met someone I really liked and it ended that quickly. Can you shed some light if any as to where I went wrong.

Thanks. Candis

Dear Candis,

First of all, you are welcome. Secondly, you are in the perfect place to make great strides in your relationship life! Why do I say this? Because you are at least AWARE of the relationship environment you grew up in, that you didn’t have great positive role models and that you’ve been working on these issues.

Congratulations for putting the time and effort to work on yourself. It is only those people who are willing to grow themselves from where they were to where they want to be that will be truly happy and successful. That being said, you are still probably wondering why after all this work, the next gentleman you dated just abruptly dumped you! Afterall, you really liked this guy and didn’t see it coming at all did you? And you are wondering what did I do wrong?

I’m here to coach you that you are asking the wrong question. It needn’t be what did I do wrong? But instead, what does this situation give me the opportunity to grow into?

By asking what did I do wrong, you are owning up to the fact that on some level, you really do feel you are not adequate enough. Get it? In other words, the Universe was giving you a loving test. Here, let me be the Universe’s voice for a moment:

Dear One, We are giving you this opportunity for a reason. We love you. We want you to recognize how undeniably lovable you are to. And for this reason, you will experience rejection, so you will have the opportunity to feel that despite the rejection, you are still whole. You get to experience rejection and not take it personally for once. You get to experience the freedom of moving on, self-esteem intact. For this great gift, we give you this experience. Because we love you. You are perfect as you are.

So your experience with rejection was not proof that all your hard work has been a waste. Instead, your experience as an OPPORTUNITY for you to choose a higher perception that serves you..for you to experience that despite what happens on the outside world, you are at peace on in inside world. The Law of Attraction states that what you resonate on the inside is what you see on the outside.

That gentleman did you a favor. He just mirrored to you just where you are at on the self-esteem scale. It is OK. Learn from this. You are doing just fine. Keep up your study. Get a support team, a coach, a counselor. They can be helpful mirrors to you.

Once you’ve dealt with rejection to the point where it is no longer a big deal, your next breakthrough will come.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

You may want to drop everything you are doing and give this important message  two minutes of your undivided attention.

Deals come and go, but I have wonderful news for you, this offer will make your eyes water (with tears of joy).

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That only took 2 minutes to read this email, right? Well, this is the part
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Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

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