Dear Dr Karen,

Thanks in advance!
Anon

Dear Anon,

Great question. Thanks for asking this as I’m sure it is on other people’s minds as well. Here’s the thing. The Universe has absolutely NO judgment good or bad on what you prefer or find attractive in a partner. The real issue is not whether you should or shouldn’t specify a particular race for your partner. The real issue is how you feel about doing so.

Apparently, you are feeling guilty and are judging yourself as being shallow. It is your self-judgment that is detrimental, not your desire or preferences. Sometimes we cannot know why we desire certain things. It may be a soul wish and you’ll never know for sure the reason. So my advice is that instead of causing yourself emotional pain by questioning your preferences, learn to lovingly accept them instead.

There is nothing wrong with finding a particular race more attractive. It doesn’t mean you are rejecting the other races per se, but instead, it is just a preference. If someone else thinks you are shallow, ignore the judgment. You are only shallow if you think you are. Reframe your judgment into a preference and drop the emotional content surrounding your preference.

It’s no big deal.

And you don’t have to justify your preferences to anyone either. It is none of their business. Your wish list doesn’t have to be publically scrutinized. The only person that has to like it is you. If you’re truly concerned, you can get a coaching session on your “laundry list” if you really want constructive feedback. I’ve helped my clients clarify their choices that sometimes were based on old habits rather than conscious choices.

Just know…there is an abundance of wonderful amazing people to choose from. Don’t worry about limiting yourself because of just this one preference. Stop being hard on yourself. Let it go.

Please comment and let me know what you think of this blog post.

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. Remember that February is LOVE month and it is a great opportunity to not only contribute to Haiti Relief (50% of profits go to Haiti), but to make the commitment to yourself to using the Law of Attraction to manifest your greatest relationship. Get free access to the Law of Attraction in Love Teleseminar Series 2009 with any purchase.

Purchase both the Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook and Law of Attraction Home Study Course and get a FREE 30 minute private coaching session with me worth $175.

Dear Dr. Karen,

Money is energy, and I emanate my own energy from within and attract to me what is compatible to my energy frequency, how can I attract money to me so that I don’t end up working myself to the bone only to end up barely above water when I’m an old man?

Kelvin

Dear Kelvin,

You are correct in saying that money is energy and that in order to attract money, you must radiate the “ideal” money-coherent frequency. So the good news is that you already UNDERSTAND the concept of what must happen in order to attract money into your life.

The seven steps of manifesting that I teach in my eBook and my Law of Attraction Home Study Course are the same whether you are manifesting love in your life or more money. What I’ve found is that step number 5, which deals with Obstacles, can be the most stubborn when it comes to money.

Many of us grew up with negative money beliefs, some of which we are not even aware of. The subconscious negative beliefs about money and wealth are the MAIN reasons that hamper people from consciously using the Law of Attraction to attract more money. In other words, it isn’t about how much schooling you received, whether you are smart enough or even if you work hard enough. It boils down to your beliefs!

There is a saying amongst Law of Attraction teachers that goes something like this: Your income will be the average of the income of the five closest people you hang out with. Now I’m not saying to go out today and ditch your “poor” friends, but seriously, unless you make an effort to learn to get to know and emulate powerful, enlightened wealthy people, your chances of money success is next to nil!

I’ll share with you what I’ve found most helpful for myself. First is a free teleseminar about your money beliefs and how they affect your success:

www.secretstomoney.info

Next is a list of books I recommend that you start devouring immediately!

• Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Eker
• Millionaire Maker, Loral Langemeier
• Cash Machine for Life, Loral Langemeier
• The Four Hour Work Week, Tim Ferris
• Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki
• Put More Cash in Your Pocket, Loral Langemeier
• Who Do You Think You Are? Keith Leon

Here’s some general pointers:

• You need to learn to take interest in managing money, even if you have to fake it initially. The Universe will not give you MORE until you have demonstrated that you can handle more.
• Clarity breeds better intentions. If you don’t know what your “profit-loss” numbers are on a monthly basis, start doing this today. It isn’t hard (check out Millionaire Maker for instructions)
• Money does not come into chaos.
• If you don’t good reasons for the amount of money you want to attract, you won’t get it. So become clear on what you wish to DO with the money and how much it will actually cost.
• The people who get paid the most usually help the most people.
• Change your money language.

Notice what you said above: so that I don’t end up working myself to the bone only to end up barely above water when I’m an old man?

That sentence is chock full of old beliefs and attitudes that no longer serve your higher purpose. Can you see that now? What I’m hearing is the belief that one must work HARD (to the bone even!) for a LONG time to earn lots of money. The “barely above water” is a really strong SCARCITY phrase and I encourage you to get rid of this type of language from your vocabulary starting right now.

There are big No-No phrases if you’re using the Law of Attraction to attract more money:

• We can’t afford it (if you say it, it will be true for you)
• That’s too expensive (scarcity energy)
• Must be nice! (to be able to afford such-and-such…envy energy)
• Money doesn’t grow trees (of course it does…it is made of paper isn’t it?)
• I just want enough to be comfortable (comfort is highly overrated and not a single wealthy person got there by being comfortable!)
• Materialism is bad (no it isn’t, it just depends on your intentions)
• Money is the root of all evil (money is just energy remember?)

Here are positive things to do:

• When you see someone who seems wealthy, appreciate them instead of being envious – and tell yourself, if they can do it, so can I
• Appreciate beautiful material things, even if you don’t plan on buying them. Anti-materialism will keep you poor for sure!
• Grow out of your comfort zone and get some professional coaching to help you find out what your passions are and how you can make money from them.

Learning how to become wealthy requires intensive but FUN study. You’ll learn to use your GIFTS in a way that serves as many people as possible. It is part of your Life Mission!

I believe in you.

Dr. Karen Kan

PS:

February is LOVE month, so I’d like to share a valuable offer. As most of you know, Haiti and those that lost loved-ones have been on our minds and in our prayers since the earthquake in January. For the month of February, I’m donating 50% of the profits from my eBook and Law of Attraction Home Study Course sales to Haiti.

Please help me in giving to them (as well as giving to yourself)! Here are the links:

Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook

Law of Attraction in Love Home Study Course

Thank you in advance!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen

The Dear Dr. Karen question this week:

Dear Dr. Karen:

Joseph

Dear Joseph:

Thanks for writing. Did you say years?

Let me get this straight. You’ve been in love with this woman for years, have told her that you love her and shared with her your desires for your future together and she doesn’t really want to show you she cares all these years?

Well, it is great that she has values, beliefs and desirable qualities you resonate with. That’s a good start. But after being friends for years, don’t you think you’ve waited a long time to have your affections reciprocated? And now you live thousands of miles away!

I’ve heard of a woman playing hard to get, but I’m not getting any sense from you that she is even trying to vie for your attentions. So my question to you is, what exactly are you looking for from this woman? And how can this be the woman you desire if she does not desire you? Years is long enough for her to figure it out don’t you think?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Well, it’s not really a secret, but many people don’t realize this: that the world is changing faster and faster. And what that means for you is that years is definitely TOO long not to move forward with your life! That’s not to say that learning dating skills won’t be helpful. And learning to understand women is even more helpful.

Here’s what I know. There is a woman (or more than one) out “there” who can’t wait to be with you. Someone who adores you just as you adore her. You don’t have to change yourself just so she will love you. She will love you as you are. Believe it. Feel it – and it will be yours.

You deserve it.

Just because you love this woman you’ve set your sights on doesn’t mean you can’t love another! Instead, use the love you feel to create and attract an even better match. Let go emotionally of being with THIS particular woman. In fact, I’d encourage you to ask her point blank whether she is romantically interested in you or not, and to let her know that it is OK if she isn’t because you’ll learn to move on. You just need to know the truth. Women have a way of not telling the truth because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

If you can show her that you are “man” (i.e. strong) enough to take the truth, you’ll get it. She needs to know you won’t crumble. And it’s about time that you free yourself of anything and anyone who would slow your growth into the love you desire.

Change is happening much faster in our world now. You cannot “afford” to keep waiting for your life to happen. You deserve to experience life and love like never before.

For your growth and education, I’d highly recommend that you read books by David Deida: www.deida.info especially, The Way of the Superior Man, which you can find in my Law of Attraction in Love Bookstore. When you start to resonate at your most enlightened masculine self, you’d be AMAZED at the women (and the quality of women) you attract! Best to you Joseph!

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Dr. Karen,

Sijay

Dear Sijay,

The first thought that came to my mind when I read your letter was, “What a delightfully fun position to be in!”

Sijay, if you’re getting feedback from others (whom you trust) that the New Guy is dropping hints, then he is either interested in you or he is playing a game where he wants you to be interested in him because he is used to all the attention and can’t seem to get yours!

So Sijay, it feels as if you could use lessons in creative flirting. Flirting has been given a “bad name” over the years, but actually, what it entails is energetic play. It is like a dance. There is inappropriate flirting – “coming onto” someone sexually just to manipulate them and get attention. However, there is safe and fun flirting that is connecting and enjoyable without being manipulative.

Since your style is not to be too forward (which probably got his attention in the first place), my suggestion to you is the engage in “flirting” by asking questions and stating your observations. Start with neutral questions and observations.

Here are a few suggestions you can play around with in your mind to see if they resonate with you:

While you’re in conversation with the New Guy, you might suddenly say:

YOU: You know what, New Guy? I’ve made an interesting observation.

HIM: Really? What?

YOU: I’ve noticed that ever since you came to work in this office, all the women here have been clamoring over you. What’s that been like for you? So what’s it like getting all this attention?

HIM: (blushing) ah, er, really? Or he might say,

HIM: Nah, I’m not interested in them.

YOU: Yes, really. Haven’t you noticed? Or

YOU: So you’re not interested in them? Really? So is there someone special in your life you’re not telling us about? Or

YOU: Gee, I was wondering about what kind of person you would be interested in?

YOU: Hmmm, you’re not playing “hard to get” are you?

Next time he asks you questions like

HIM: What are you doing this weekend?

You might wish to get up the courage to answer,

YOU: Why, are you going to ask me out?

or maybe you could be more creative and say,

YOU: Well, I’d absolutely LOVE to see the new movie, X, this weekend, but I don’t really feel like going alone….so
what are you up to?

Then you can see if he takes the hint. If he’s been hinting to you and is truly interested, then he may bite. If he’s playing around or you’re being too subtle for him, he may not.

You can also subtly call him on his antics:

YOU: Gee, you know, you asked me for the menu from the local diner, but you haven’t been there have you? I was wondering why you wanted it?

You’ll be pretty safe asking questions. You can also give genuine compliments. For example, when I first met my dream partner, James, I noticed his beautiful smile. So I complimented him on it. I wasn’t trying to flirt. I was just appreciating his beauty. Well! That really got his attention because apparently, he had no idea that he was good looking! Amazing isn’t it?

So find something genuinely interesting or attractive about the New Guy (assuming you ARE interested in him) and share your appreciations. It can go something like:

YOU: You know what I appreciate about you New Guy? You have the warmest smile/greatest laugh/very attractive eyes.

Or

YOU: You know what I appreciate about you New Guy? Whenever I see you, it makes my day because you really know how to make me feel comfortable/make me laugh/ make me smile etc.

OK, enough flirting lessons for the day. The bottom line is this: you’re going to have to stretch a little out of your comfort zone to test the waters. It doesn’t mean that this guy is THE ONE you’ll spend the rest of your life with, but every relationship helps you learn more about yourself. Let this relationship be a springboard for your personal growth.

Happy Flirting, (and tell us what happens!)
Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Dr. Karen,

Thanks,
Too confused to understand Men!

Dear “Too Confused”,

I can see how frustrated you are with this situation. It is as if this man is two different people. One the phone and through email and messages he is attractive in every way and attentive and loving. But in person, he is scared, distant and totally unavailable!

Well, this is a painful lesson for you. People can often use the “safety” of distance (not face-to-face) contact to express their fantasies, but eventually, a relationship needs to be able to grow past all that. This man you attracted is far from ready to be attentive to you in “real” life. He lives in a fantasy world online and you just happen to fall into a trap. It isn’t that he meant for it to be a trap, it is just that his world is not REAL.

You deserve a REAL relationship with someone who is willing to be who he REALLY is face-to-face with you. This Italian man is clearly very shy and has not had much practice in being in real relationships. He is intimidated, but that is not your fault. You do not have to make yourself smaller just so he can feel more confident. He is like a child at this point…not meaning any harm, but not able either to be an ADULT in the relationship.

You have lots of red flags here that are telling you to abandon the relationship as soon as possible. The fact that you still linger means that on the subconscious level, your self-esteem is low and that you do not feel you deserve better..otherwise you would have dropped him like a hot potato and moved on.

But it’s OK if you haven’t yet. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Understand that by hoping he would change, you are asking someone to be who they are not…which is not very loving or attractive. This is how you use the Law of Attraction. Let go of what clearly isn’t serving you (otherwise you give the message to the Universe that you deserve to be treated in a way that is less than loving). Then start again with your wish list and ADD the criteria to the list you missed in your first “try”.

So you may wish to add, “a man that is able and willing to connect with me on a mature level” or something even more specific.

By letting go of this relationship, you will harness the law of attraction by giving the message that this is NOT good enough for you. Move on. That means ending the relationship. Don’t even stay friends since you’re still feeling hurt. It is energy that is draining you from your true desires. Just let him know that after your meeting, you’ve realized that you’re both not on the same page and that you need to move on and make a clean break. Wish him well, then say goodbye. It isn’t easy, and he’ll rebel, but it is the best for both of you. Be strong.

You need to learn you deserve more and he needs to learn (for his own benefit) that a fantasy love life doesn’t serve either of you in the end.

If you need help with that, seek the help of a coach like myself or a counselor. I believe in you.

Blessings,
Dr. Karen
P.S. If you haven’t done so already, please connect with me on Twitter and FaceBook!

Dear Dr. Karen

Alexander

Dear Alexander,

I’m not quite sure why you’re asking me whether you can find another young woman to have a relationship with since you’ve been fairly successful at attracting them in your past. It sounds like you’re doubting that you can because of your disabilities – is that it?

It is good to hear that your former girlfriends have all become friends. It sounds like there is genuine love and respect there. Congrats!

One thing that caught my attention is your belief about giving your love in exchange for trust and intimacy. You may wish to listen to the Blog Talk Radio interview I did with Neale Donald Walsch on the subject of romantic relationships. It isn’t about an “exchange” of anything if I can paraphrase. Instead it is about giving the biggest YOU you can give in a relationship.

Old paradigm relationships are about exchanges. I’ll do this for you if you do that for me. I’ll be sexually faithful to you if you’re sexually faithful to me. I won’t smoke/drink/gamble if you promise to love me, etc. The new paradigm of relationships isn’t about these “trades” or exchanges at all. It is about being fully who you are – being fully in your divine, an offering your love unconditionally.

So it matters not how old you are or how well you can walk, but about how much of your presence and love you can give to another.

Blessings to you,
Dr. Karen Kan

Dr. Karen,

Lawen

Dear Lawen,

I can answer you simply. No, it is not love.

Why not?

Because true love is free and unconditional. What you have instead is an addiction. Yes, an addiction. You are addicted to the chemical hormones coursing through the cells of your body and you are “high” from your feelings of longing as well as your feelings of anger. It makes you feel alive.

Your intuition has already told you that “your frequencies never match”, yet you pursue him. And I can make a couple of guesses why you do. One possibility is that when you were young, there was someone in your life that you could not “have”. You couldn’t get enough attention from that person, a parent perhaps. Maybe that parent was unfaithful or untrustworthy.

I’ve seen countless examples of how adults who were abused as children still long for their parent to love them despite the obvious evidence that they do not have the capacity to do so. You could be repeating an unconscious pattern from your childhood that “makes you” addicted to pursuing the love and attention you never received as a child.

So you have a decision to make. You can continue on your unrewarding pursuit of an addiction, with its highs and lows, and never feel the true joy of a truly loving relationship. Or, you can get some help to free yourself from your current addiction.

Don’t underestimate the power of your addiction. You will need help and support to neutralize it. It will take time and lot of self-compassion. It has nothing to do with “him” and everything to do with your own conditioning. He just represents a part of you that you need to heal. His unfaithfulness to you is a blessing. It hurts, yes, but it is an opportunity. It is an opportunity for you to truly LOVE yourself first.

If you truly LOVE yourself fully, then you would never desire to be with someone who treats you less than you wish to be treated. There’s the key. You actually don’t love yourself enough to let go and realize that there are plenty of other men out there who WILL love you and be faithful to you. But it starts with changing YOU.

Bottom line, go get some professional help. You don’t have to do this alone. I believe in you.

Blessings,
Dr Karen Kan

Dr. Karen,

Anna

Dear Anna,

Great question Anna. Let me rephrase it. It sounds like you’ve read that you only need to ask The Universe once in order to manifest your wish. At the same time, after reading my article, you perceived that you must think about your wish over and over again in order to manifest it. Is that right?

OK, here’s how it works, at least in my understanding. What is true is that you only need to ASK the Universe one time for your wish. Then, after asking, or in other words, setting your intention, you need to let it go.

And here’s where you need to pay attention!

What you need to let go of is the ATTACHMENT to your wish coming true. What you DON’T let go of is the passion, excitement and energy directed towards your dream/wish/intention.

When you order from the menu in a restaurant, you order once and then wait patiently for your meal to come, don’t you? You enjoy your wait. You don’t fret ever two minutes why your meal hasn’t come yet nor do you ask the waiter countless times whether he got your order. But you know what most of us do? We fret about our “order”!

When we set intentions, sometimes we lose faith that our “order” will come, so we either ask again and again out of anxiety, or we change course (change our minds). The latter is very common. I’ve witness many people discover a dream they wish to manifest. They become all fired up about it. But within a short period of time, they lose their faith and stop pursuing their dreams. Why? Because they don’t trust themselves to be completely responsible for CREATING their dreams.

Now, what I (and many others) teach is that once you set your intention, your focus needs to stay on your target (final outcome) or wish. You are not asking. You are planning for it. You don’t let distractions or obstacles prevent you from believing in your dream and taking the next step towards it.

I’ll give you an example. Say your wish is to swim with the dolphins. Once you’ve chosen the details of your wish, what do you do next? (please read the rest on my blog) Do you sit on the couch and watch movies all day? Will that get you closer to your dream? No, of course not. Will looking at pictures and movies about swimming with dolphins help? Yes, because they will get you in the vibration of already having experienced it (to the best of your imagination). But you need more than that.

Doing embodying exercises (see Chapter 2 in the eBook) will help you get into the vibration of having received. That is an “inner world” exercise. Then doing the “outer world” exercises of taking action in the real world take it to the next level. You cannot just have one without the other.

Your next step is “acting as if”. Your ACTIONS determine what happens. The Universe responds to the amount of energy you put forth in the direction of your wish. In our example, you would go and search the internet for dolphin experiences or search a travel guide. You would check out plane ticket costs, book time off from work, save money towards the trip etc. As the saying goes,

“Where attention goes, energy flows and results show”

Hope that clears up your confusion about the Law of Attraction and intention setting.

Blessings
Dr. Karen Kan

Dr. Karen,

Brian

Dear Brian,

I hear your deep love and concern for your wife. You may be accurate that she may be suffering from depression. Here are some tell-tale signs:

- Crying spells or pronounced irritability
- Unnatural weight gain or loss
- Depressed mood for over 3 weeks
- Losing interest in things she loved (hobbies)
- Poor appetite
- Less socialization with friends
- Suicidal threats/thoughts

If she will not listen to you, then I suggest that unless you feel she is a suicidal threat, it would be best to respect her wishes. Let her know that you love her and are concerned that she may be suffering from depression, but since she doesn’t want to be in relationship with you, you will respect her wishes for distance. However, encourage her to connect with good friends for support since you won’t be there.

You’ll have to use your intuition on this one. You may wish to contact a mutual trusted friend or two and share your concern about possible depression. Ask them to give her emotional support and encourage her to see a doctor if they are agreeable. If you know her doctor, you can also call or write to her doctor with your concerns, but let your wife know when you do. The tricky part is that she may consider your actions invasive so you MUST have your intentions clear. You are NOT contacting your friends to spy on her or to force her to do anything. You are just requesting support and then giving your wife the space she feels she needs from you.

If you are overly invasive, your wife will push you further away. She’ll be able to sense your “attachment” to getting back together. You can let her know that you’re open to doing what you can to support her and you’ll do your very best to give her the space she feels she needs. Tell her that she can contact you if she wishes but you’ll refrain from contacting her unless absolutely necessary.

Then what I suggest for you is to get your own counselor. Model the behavior you’d like to see, even if she doesn’t know you’re seeing one. Energetically, you’ll be helping both of you by seeking help yourself. You’re feeling loss, so you can’t help her if you don’t get support as well.

Here’s one exercise that can do wonders while you are giving your wife “space”: Every day, in private, journal all the things you appreciate about her. Write down what her strengths are, what you enjoy about her and how she makes you feel. In doing this exercise, you are literally sending her healing energy waves that will help her depression if she indeed suffers from it. She’ll begin feeling relaxed and calmer when she thinks about you rather than angry and resentful.

One thing I want you to keep in mind, Brian. When I was separating from my husband, I was depressed as well. The reason was this: because of my culture and religion, I believed I was “bad” by choosing to separate. But I couldn’t stand being “ill” any longer, so I finally separated from my husband. When I finally felt I had a choice and I was making the right choice for me (despite arguments from my husband and my parents), my depression magically disappeared without having to take any drugs. Did I get help? You betcha! I had a team of counselors, healers and enlightened friends that supported me. I didn’t do it without support!

So Brian, lovingly give her “virtual” support through your Appreciation Journaling. Believe me, it works wonders if you are doing it with clear and unattached intention.

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

Here’s a great letter from Jan:

Dear Dr. Karen,

Jan

Dear Jan,

What you face is uncomfortable and unfortunately very common. Do you ever wonder why you’re in this situation?

Here’s the answer:

You attracted an alcoholic husband so that you could heal a deep part of yourself that needs healing from childhood. Your husband is a mirror. He represents a part of you that you have rejected and do not love fully.

We call that The Shadow. To learn more about the shadow, I highly recommend that you view this film (preferably with your husband when he is sober and if he is agreeable), The Shadow Effect.

Everyone that we attract into our lives represents different facets of ourselves (the Law of Attraction). Our relationships can either be life-affirming or not. Some of the people we attract are representations of our Shadow. Your husband is one of those people.

I’m assuming you have children when you refer to your “family”. Your number one responsibility as a parent to your child is to lovingly model what you would like their lives to be. No matter what you SAY or TELL them to do, they will, on some level, model after one parent or the other (or both).

So what are you modeling right now?

Are you happy? I can see that you are not. So as each day goes by, you are teaching your children how to be unhappy. This may sound harsh, but I want to level with you.

Unless you get some support (and I mean MAJOR support) in your life right now to make some changes, you are literally sentencing those you love, your children, to a very difficult future. They will not have a healthy model of how to be happy. They will not have a healthy model of how to have a healthy love relationship.

You are so afraid of breaking up your family that you suffer from your inaction to do anything about it. Guess what? You’re family is already breaking up. You just can’t see it because you are willing to live this lie in front of your children in the guise that it is good for them.

It is not.

They know. Maybe not on a conscious level, but the negativity is seeping into their pores and you are letting it happen.

Do you love them enough to change?

Do you love them enough to do whatever it takes to figure out how to be happy so that you can model authentic joy and love?

Do you love them enough to stop waiting for your husband to change and instead, get some real help so that you can live the life of joy you were meant to live.

If what I say causes tears, I understand. If you were standing here in front of me, I would give you a hug, then hold you by the shoulders and look deeply into your eyes and tell you,

“You can do it. You are not alone. I believe in you. You will find a way.”

So to answer your question more directly, here’s my advice:

1. Get support. Call a trusted friend and have her take you to an Al-Anon meeting every week. You won’t feel like you’re all alone anymore.

2. Read Melanie Beatty’s book, Co-Dependent No More starting tomorrow. And when you’re done, read the next book, Beyond Co-dependency. You can find these at the Law of Attraction in Love Bookstore.

3. Write down your intentions on exactly HOW you want your life to look…and make sure none of what you wish to manifest depends on your husband changing anything.

4. With the support of your Al-Anon or a counselor, take action to change your life. Your dream will not manifest without action.

From the patients I have had that have gone through what you’re going through and come out the other side, I can share with you that “breaking up your family” is one of the least harmful things you can do.

I can guarantee your husband WON’T change if you don’t. If you do decide to leave him, expect begging and pleading and promises to change. If you love him sober and wish to be with him that way, then consider waiting for at least six months of sobriety and AA meetings (for him) before you even entertain the notion of moving back in with him.

Sometimes, when an alcoholic knows that he is going to lose everything he value most, it is the motivation they need to change. Sometimes, it isn’t enough. But if that’s the case, then you know that you and the children don’t rank (and why would you want to stay in that kind of relationship anyway?)

I wish you the best. Go get some help today!

When you get a chance please connect with me on FaceBook and Twitter.

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan