Archive | Dear Dr. Karen (Q&A)

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Letter from Stephanie: Do all men cheat?

Posted on 24 February 2013 by Dr. Karen

“Can I Prevent Cheating with the Law of Attraction?”  

Here is a heart-felt letter from Stephanie that I felt compelled to answer right away:

Dear Dr. Karen,
My name is Stephanie and I feel kind of awkward while writing this email mainly because I an far too young for relationships (16 y.o).  My problem is the following: my parents are getting divorced after 17 years of marriage. They never really had any big problems but things got worse when my dad cheated. After endless fights and screamsmy mom and her also-divorced friends decided to “educate” me on maintaining the “love” in the marriage.  After endless hours of talkingthey came to the conclusion that all men cheat and that at some point in my lifemy man will cheat on me too. My parents ‘ relationship has made me unable to trust anyone and I feel that the same things will happen to me too.  I have been using the law of attraction for a couple of years…with “medium ” success but I have only started to fully comprehend its powers in the last few months.

Can I prevent such a cheating behavior with the law of attraction?  Can I have a happy home with a faithful husband?  I really appreciate you taking the time to read this email. I am most thankful for being able to open up my heart to you because I desperately do not want to repeat my family’s mistake.  Thank you very much and I am looking forward to receiving your reply.
Yours faithfully,

Dear Stephanie,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  Not only are you courageous for wanting to manifest a different love life than your parents and their friends, you are also aware that you have the power within you to do so! Amazing! Way to go girl!

Statistics reveal that many men (and women) are unfaithful in their relationships.  One can either judge this statistic as sad or revealing.  Let’s just suppose that the statistics ( are true.  If so then let’s put our open-minded consciousness hats on for a moment so we can ponder these questions:

  1. Can one person truly give us all the love and support we need to completely thrive and live to our fullest potential?
  2. Is there only room in our hearts for one person?
  3. Do we really need sex with more than one person? and if so, why?
  4. Is it reasonable to love more than one person romantically but only save sex for one person?
  5. Is having monogamous sex synonymous with “committed” love? or is it a “reward” of some sort? or an antiquated idea?
  6. Is it possible that humankind can evolve so that we can love more than one person and allow our partners do so the same without jealousy or envy?
  7. Does cheating mean that something is missing in an otherwise good relationship? or is it a natural genetic pull? or a natural energetic pull?
  8. Is our expectation of a sexually faithful spouse even realistic or spiritual?

These are questions I do not have definitive answers to, but they are questions you can ask your inner guidance.  I’m not a history buff, but those that are will tell us that marriage was more of a contract concerning property and ownership (in certain cultures that meant also ownership of the wife) than it was about love.  Monogamous sex has been “proof” of a good marriage, but if you think about it, this has nothing to do with real love. It has more to do with rules.  That being said, open marriages and polyamorous relationships only work with the most enlightened and conscious people who have developed completely open hearts and great communication skills.  I would say that is one in a hundred people.

Most people “cheat” when they no longer feel the spark they used to feel with their partner.  Little do they realize it is because they have now settled into the space where their past programming has come up for healing and resolution.  If they do not resolve the underlying emotional issues within their relationship, they are bound to bring all that baggage into their new relationship.  Isn’t it true that most people blame their partners for their marriage problems instead of looking within to see why they’ve attracted this person into their lives?  Even if a person attracts an abusive partner and eventually decides to leave him/her, she doesn’t have to BLAME that person for being who they are.  Instead she can bless that person for showing her how strong she really is (and how well she can stand up for herself now).

It isn’t so much the extramarital sex that hurts the relationship as much as the lying.  Lying means that you do not trust your partner enough to share with them what you truly want or need in order for your to thrive or grow.  If my partner shared with me that he needed fulfillment outside of our relationship, I would honor him for trusting me with that intimate information.  And if I truly loved him unconditionally, I would bless him to do whatever he felt was best for him.  It doesn’t mean that our relationship wouldn’t change in form, but it means that our love is deep enough that we aren’t scared to be who we really are.

If we no longer have jealousy or envy when it comes to our relationships, then we know we’ve really evolved as a species! So far, this is not our common everyday reality, but one day it might be! Unconditional love is possible!

Stephanie, let’s get back to you.  Can you prevent the cheating behavior?  Well, it depends.  If your partner trusts you enough to tell you the truth, then yes.  Instead of cheating on you, he’d be willing to tell you what he’s feeling.  Which would you prefer?  You can’t prevent another person from being attracted to someone else.  But if you’re willing to let them feel whatever they feel, they will trust and love you more.  You see, if you don’t trust someone, they won’t trust you.  Like attracts Like.  That’s the Law of Attraction.  I know you already know that.  When our partners lie, it is because they are afraid of telling us the truth.  They are afraid of our reaction.  If you routinely react with loving kindness and understanding while at the same time maintaining healthy boundaries, you have the basis for fabulous thriving relationships! It’s not easy, but it is something for all of us to strive for.

Yes, you can have a faithful husband if you want, but you first have to decide why it is important to you?  Just because society feels that the ideal relationship form is a lifetime of sexually monogamy, it doesn’t meant that it is necessarily the healthiest or even the most spiritual.  After reading Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God series, I had a renewed sense of openness when it comes to relationships.  Seeing it from “God’s” perspective, so to speak, comforted me that we are not all that “bad” or “corrupt” as human beings.  It’s all about choice and love, not about rules or fear.  If we fear our partners will be unfaithful, that fear will bring that reality crashing down on us.  Many of us choose monogamy because it enables us to go super-deep with one person without the distraction of other significant energetics disrupting this flow.  See the difference in perspective?  Relationships take work. The more people involved, the more work it is! And most people aren’t willing to do that kind of spiritual growth work.

You are already aware that your mother’s programming, all men cheat, might have already been ingrained into your subconscious through which you may manifest the same fate.  The more emotional the situation, the harder it etches into your subconscious recording device!  However, your awareness of the issue is already half the cure!  The second half is pretty straight forward.  The quickest and cleanest way I know how to “rid” yourself of this programming is to use the Emotion Code.  It is a technique pioneered by Dr. Brad Nelson to discover and release trapped emotions around any issue, including relationships issues.   It uses muscle testing and his Emotion Code chart to determine the exact trapped emotion (based on Chinese medicine).  Once you’ve discovered it, you then proceed to release it with a few simple “sweeps” along one of your acupuncture meridians using a magnet. Simple! And it’s gone!

In your case, when you use the Emotion Code, you’d ask things like:

  1. Is there a trapped emotion I can release around the belief that “all men cheat”? If you get a YES, then you would do the Emotion Code procedure to release that emotion. Then you’d repeat it as many times as the muscle testing says “yes” until you’ve released them all
  2. Is there a trapped emotion I can release that is preventing me from having a healthy romantic relationship with a man? Repeat as necessary
  3. Is there a trapped emotion I can release around my parents divorce? Repeat as necessary

The cool thing about using the Emotion Code is that you do not have to KNOW what the trapped emotion is.  The muscle testing will tell you.  When you use other techniques I recommend in my book, such as EFT (Tapping), you already have to know what emotion or belief is messing you up.  I’d recommend doing both if you can.

So let me know how it goes Stephanie! You can get a copy of Dr. Brad’s book, the Emotion Code on Amazon or you can get his whole program (which has instructional DVDs – necessary if you actually want to learn how to properly perform muscle testing) at a discount through my special link:


Dr. Karen

PS Hey, almost forgot to tell you the exciting news! My new book, Guide to Healing Chronic Pain – A Holistic Approach, hit #1 on Amazon’s bestseller list last Friday!  If you know of anyone who’s in pain and who doesn’t want to do surgery or drugs, let them know about it.  I’m doing a FREE Kindle promotion Friday March 1 through Sunday March 3rd.  Just tell them to go to the bookstore link during those days to download the 516 page book free:

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Here’s Your Ultimate Way to Optimum Health

Posted on 07 December 2012 by Dr. Karen

The Cure Is radio show interview

Do you want the “cure” for your health woes?


Are you tired of run-of-the-mill healing books/DVDs that only offer false promises and misleading claims?


Here’s a good news for you:


On my Monday radio show, I will interview David Scharpsan independent filmmaker who made history after creating the life-changing health documentary,“The Cure Is..”
Inspired by his passion for health and natural healing, David embarked on a journey to create an eye-opening masterpiece. And after two years of backbreaking work, “The Cure is” was finally born.


“The Cure Is..” is David’s work of art–a gift for patient groups and communities that are battling various health threats. Devoid of false claims and sales pitch, “The Cure Is” will bring you a health formula more powerful than what human genetics can offer. It will unveil the truth about how your thoughts, beliefs and emotions can be the key towards achieving optimum health.


If you want to experience true healing and get the best for your health, don’t forget to tune in on Monday.


Here are the details for the radio show:


Monday, December 10, 12 noon Eastern New York Time.


  •  Option 2: To listen by phone, call 818-514-1190. If you’d like to ask a question “live” on the show, just hit “1” on your dial pad so I can see your hand is up. When the time comes, I will unmute you so you can chat with us.


I’m looking forward to having you join me for the show! And just in case you can’t make it, it will be recorded and available immediately. Just click the link above to listen to the archives.

Dr. Karen Kan


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How do I keep him from cheating on me!

Posted on 29 April 2011 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

I have been married to my husband for 20 years and we have children. Even before we were married, he cheated on me. And he has time and time again! He lies and gets very defensive when I confront him, but eventually the truth comes out. I’ve left him seven times but I always go back. I’ve asked him to leave several times as well, but he always comes begging me to take him back.

And I always take him back because I love him so much. I still love him. I am tired of being hurt by him, but I remain suspicious that he’s seeing someone else behind my back. This way of life has tampered with my self-esteem and in search of solutions I have tried everything.

I now have come across the Law of Attraction but my doubts are still there: does he really love me and want to be with me? and can a situation like this change using the Law of Attraction? Please help!


Dear Nina,

Thanks for your honest letter. I hope my answer will be helpful to you. But first, I have a question for you?

What are you expecting the Law of Attraction to do for you?

Are you expecting it to magically change your husband so that he isn’t the “cheating type” any longer? Because if that is the case, then I can tell you very easily that the Law of Attraction doesn’t work this way. We can’t use the Law of Attraction to change other people against their free will.

However, what you CAN use the Law of Attraction for is to create happiness for yourself. Whether your husband is part of that ultimate happiness is up to you and the Universe to co-create together. Your Law of Attraction “wish” statement could be something like:

I am thoroughly enjoying a fulfilling romantic relationship with my soulmate.

Sometimes we fool ourselves in thinking we truly love someone when we only truly love certain parts, or aspects, of them. What I mean by this is that you seem to enjoy enough aspects of your spouse to keep him around. But there are aspects of him that you don’t like so you aren’t truly happy. Isn’t that right?

So here’s the truth of the matter:

  • the highest form of love means being able to accept who our lovers are without judgment or expectation, but that doesn’t mean that you always like or enjoy what they are doing. There is a difference.
  • you can’t change another person. You don’t have that kind of control. You can only change yourself and your reactions to situations. When you can change yourself and be fully responsible for your own happiness, then you’ll see the relationship shift remarkably.

So you have a couple of very simple choices here Nina. It is high time you took 100% responsibility for your experiences. He is not responsible for your unhappiness, you are. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you’ve been on this yo-yo ride for over 20 years now. When will you decide to change your experience? When will you realize that what you’ve been doing all these years doesn’t work?

Here are some choices:

You can choose to accept that your husband “cheats”,  and in that acceptance, you can enjoy him as much as possible when he’s around, and give up trying to change or criticize him for not being who you think he should be (the equivalent of telling a bear that it should acting like an antelope)

Do something drastically different for a change maybe. For example,  study books on open marriages or polyamory and see if any of those resonate with either of you. If “cheating” was genetic, like diabetes, would you be as judgmental of it? Probably not. I’m not saying it is, but what if it was?

Just trying to open minds here…

How about this new thought pattern: Can you entertain the possibility that your husband loving other people in no way diminishes his love for you? Does a candle flame diminish when it lights another candle? Love is light. Think about that.

I’m bringing this up because we’ve been unconsciously indoctrinated in the concept that the ONLY way a relationship can be successful is through monogamy. Anytime there is an absolute rule, we all should be questioning it’s validity, because somewhere, sometime, long ago, someone made that rule in order to control others.

Remember, it wasn’t long ago when women and children were considered a man’s property. And in some parts of the world, they still are (sigh!).

So Nina, in summary, you can either change your perspective (by letting go of victim-hood, judgment or expectations) or change your situation by leaving, but you can’t change him. Got it? Hope so.

So if you’re not willing to leave because having him around is BETTER than not having him around, then just admit to yourself that you’ve CHOSEN this relationship in its current form and stop being the victim. You’re not the victim here. You’re choosing this. When you can be compassionate with yourself about choosing this relationship, then you can let go of all the judgment of how imperfect it is and just ENJOY your husband.

If these steps seem too difficult for you, as I imagine they might be, I suggest that you book yourself into seeing a relationship coach or counselor and get some support. We all need support for our spiritual and personal growth, so I encourage you to be courageous and find an expert that you resonate with.

In the meantime, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of Neale Donald Walsch’s book on Relationships and read it over and over again:

You can also listen to the interview I did with him HERE.

I believe in you Nina. Thanks for helping others with your question.


Dr. Karen Kan
P.S. Anyone reading this post, feel free to comment.

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Dr. Karen answers your questions on manifesting your Soulmate

Posted on 09 March 2011 by Dr. Karen

First of all, if you submitted a question for Tuesday night’s Soulmate Summit Telecoaching call with me, thank you! We got through as many as we could. Special thanks to Sarah who was part of the live coaching – we had a lot of fun together first fielding her Soulmate manifesting questions and then getting her feedback on my answers to the others.

The topics we covered were:

  • How do we “detach” from our desired outcome?
  • What do we do when we feel anxious about “when” our soulmate is coming?
  • How to handle feelings from past loves so that they don’t interfere with our manifesting.
  • Different energy psychology techniques to neutralize negative emotions
  • How to “red flag” some obstacles that you may have that prevent your manifestations from materializing.
  • How should we handle loving someone who doesn’t love us back?

If you’d like to listen to the call, here is the page where it’s posted:

If you enjoyed this call and feel you’d like to participate if we have some more like this, please let me know by filling out the comments on the bottom of this blog.

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dr. Karen answers questions on the Law of Attraction…

Posted on 28 December 2010 by Dr. Karen

Whether you celebrate the “holidays” this time of year or not, I’d like to offer you wishes of a great blessed New Year. In case you didn’t know, I was recently interviewed by The Power Connection radio regarding the Law of Attraction. I thought you might like to download or listen to the free archived show HERE.

We discussed the following issues, using real-life examples so you can apply it to your life easier and quicker:
*Working against the grain
*Uncovering beliefs and emotions that pose as obstacles
*Knowing About the Law of Attraction & actually applying it are two different things
*Improving your Law of Attraction ability
*Creating congruency with Expectations and Actual Outcome

Also, before January 31st, if you haven’t yet purchased my Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, you’ll want to do so by then because we’re adding in an extra eBook from my friend and hypnotherapist called How to Use Hypnosis to Lose Weight, Look Good and Feel Great (in case that is personal interest to you) in addition to the other two extra books…

If you’re interested to find out more, here is the special holiday promotion link:

If you’ve purchased the eBook during the month of December and would like to be emailed a copy of the extra book, just send a request to support @ with your name, invoice or purchase number and date of your purchase.

Blessings to you!
Dr. Karen
PS Feel free to comment and let me know what you thought of the radio show interview!

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What do I do during the “detachment” phase of manifesting?

Posted on 20 December 2010 by Dr. Karen

Hi Dr. Karen

Ive done a lot of research into the Law of Attraction. I’m seriously pursuing a soul mate. I did the laundry list & came up with my list of wants. There was 26 :).. The next phase would be manifestation & detachment.

What do I do during this detachment phase??.. Do I keep visualizing my wants or how do I go about it??.. Please help because that’s the part I don’t understand.

Thank you,


Dear Christina,

Congrats for making your clear list of “who” you would like to attract into your love life! You’re right about detachment – it is an important step. I think the book I just finished reading, Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley says it best. Like in my Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, you first create your wish list and use that to generate the “feeling” of already having manifested your dreams.

Then you detach emotionally from needing your dream to come true the way you think it should, but instead become open to something even better coming along. The Universe, when given plenty of wiggle room, will always find the best, most perfect and entertaining ways of getting you what you really want.

So in the detachment phase, your job is to, as Mike says, move in the general direction of your dreams. To give you a concrete example. If my dream is to become the best adult pairs figure skater in the world, moving in the general direction of my dreams means putting the time into to training and getting good coaching.

So to manifest your ideal partner, what are you doing to move in the general direction of your dreams? Here’s the trick, you don’t have to be moving in the “right” direction…you just have to be moving. Mike uses a great analogy in his book. When you use a GPS device in your car, you first need to input the destination right?

What happens if you don’t move? Yup, nothing.

What if you move in the opposite direction by mistake? The GPS will steer you towards the final destination and eventually you’ll make it there despite the number of detours you may take.

So you need to decide what you can do to move towards your dream. Is it cleaning out your closets so that your dream partner’s “stuff” can fit in them? Is it getting more “social” and taking a class you’ve always been interested in? Is it getting more fit so you feel good and strong in your body (and thus your vibration will be strong)?

Get a copy of Mike’s newest book if you’ve already read mine. It is a perfect compliment.

I believe in you. Let me know if this has been helpful by commenting below.


Dr. Karen

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Can your thoughts of “Where is he?” prevent you from manifesting?

Posted on 12 October 2010 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

Hello, I noticed in one of your newsletters that it took about twelve months to manifest your soulmate. You stated that during this duration you keep asking “Where is he?”

I thought that if you think this thought (“where is he?”) too much that your soulmate does not manifest, however in your case it still did. So is it okay to think these things without hindering the process of manifesting your soulmate?


Dear Marianna,

Great question.

Many of us had the misunderstanding that if you allow yourself to think “negative” or non-supportive thoughts, that it would automatically prevent your intentions from manifesting. Because of this misunderstanding, thousands of people got “upset” whenever they noticed a negative thought or an unhappy feeling.

I’m here to clear the air about this misunderstanding. Most of us, even monks and spiritual masters, cannot control what thoughts pop up in our minds most of the time. Thoughts have a way of mysteriously popping up. In other words, your subconscious is not within your conscious control!

The difference between spiritual masters and us “regular” folks is that they’ve spent years training their minds not to give negative thoughts or feelings any ENERGY. It isn’t so bad to have impatient or negative thoughts. It is what you do with them that counts. When they come, do you REACT to them? Or can you just observe them and let them float away, like a leaf floating on a stream?

Our reaction to our thoughts is the ENERGY I’m talking about. The Law of Attraction works on what energy you are putting out. It is completely normal during the course of learning how to manifest something new that everyone entertains doubts. But when those doubts come, do you let it stop you from trusting the process or moving forward?

I believe that the reason I was “able” to manifest my dream partner despite my thoughts of “Why isn’t he here yet?” was that I had a STRONGER belief underneath it that knew that if other people could do it, I could too. I put MORE energy into the positive, than I did into the negative or non-supportive thoughts.

Think of it as a scale. I had much more energy (weight) on the positive side than the negative, but on occasion, the negative side would be heavier…but it didn’t last long.

Things in life aren’t perfect. The stronger energy in the “positive” drew teachers and coaches and books to me to show me how to expand beyond my limited thinking.

The Universe even “tipped” me off after I met James that he was the “one” I was asking for. You see, I didn’t “see” him as my perfect partner. He didn’t seem to match my criteria. I wanted a figure skater. I wasn’t expecting a younger man. But a friend synchronistically told me about a movie that came out called Cutting Edge 2 where a figure skater manifests her dream skating partner who happens to be an aggressive inline skater and surfer (exactly what James, my partner, was when I met him!).

So you see, you don’t have to be dismayed or react at all to your questioning “Where is he?” Just acknowledge the thought, then remind yourself that The Universe knows the quickest, fastest and best way to get that person to you. And if that person you wish is not an energetic match to who you are right now, you have some GROWING work to do!

Don’t worry. You’ll be given the opportunity to grow if you just stay open to receiving. Synchronicities happen all the time. Let the Law of Attraction work for you in love by staying open and quickly shifting your unsupportive thoughts to ones that work better for you.

I believe in you. If you get stuck, we can always do one-on-one coaching…

Dr. Karen

PS Please write me comments on what you think of this post!

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18-year old cancer survivor’s parents are thwarting love relationship?

Posted on 29 September 2010 by Dr. Karen

I really wanted to respond to Adrian (see letter below) because his situation reminded me of my own years ago when I was in University. It is a lengthy letter to me, but if you have the inclination, please read it and my response, and please send positive energy to Adrian…

Dear Dr. Karen

When I was 17 years old I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, a type of lymphatic cancer. While going through my treatments I never gave up hope that I would be fine and I did turn out fine. I am currently 18 and I speak at schools about life and the meaning of positivity in it. My life was put on hold and one major aspect of it had to be held out for even longer, my love life.

I have known, cared and loved this girl for 10 years of my life. We met on a vacation and our families meet each other every year at the same place at the same time for a month. I was planning on telling her how I felt the year that I was diagnosed but unfortunately I was diagnosed 3 days before our vacation and my dreams were crushed. I made a vow that the next year when I was healthy, I would tell her and everything would be perfect. This year came and I did tell her and EVERYTHING went perfect.

I’ve loved this girl ever since I met her and I truly believe that she is the one, the one I will marry. She lives 8 hours away from me, I am in Canada and she is in the US. We’ve always kept in touch and we still keep in touch via Skype and phone. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with her, anything. She is 4 years older than me.

I talk to my parents about her and they shut me down because it is a ”long distance relationship”. I do not care because I will stop at nothing to be with her. We feel the same way for each other but she is concerned about the period of time it will be for me to honestly be with her. I am considering moving to the states once I am done school to be with her, but for now I must finish school but there will always be time to visit her.

Dr. Karen I love this woman and I want nothing else than to see her and her smile. I cry at night because I cannot be with her right now. She was also asked by a guy to go out on a date and her parents make her think that what we have isn’t ready right now, so that she can still be happy and date guys. When she told me this the only thing I could do was to pray and release my emotions. I told her that she could date him, I just want her to be happy. I told her the saying ”If you love something so much, let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be.” I pray that my parents will allow me to go to the states in December or October, (when I have breaks) and I just want them to understand how dedicated I am. My priorities are school, my family and the girl.

Karen I need advice, please, I want nothing else than to be with her. I need advice on how to deal with this Karen, please. The only factors holding me back from seeing her are time, and my parents. It’s been really tough lately and I just pray that I could see the future.


Dear Adrian,

Thanks for your heartfelt letter. I really empathize with your situation Adrian. When I was 19, I went through something similar with my first “love”. As the first-born child, my parents were very protective and when I announced to them I had a new boyfriend, I was heartbroken when instead of being happy for me, they seemed fearful and angry.

From my parent’s reactions, I came to the conclusion that they didn’t trust my judgment. They told me in not so many words that I was “too young” to be truly in love and that I went into the relationship too quickly without really thinking. I was basically taught not to trust my own feelings.


Good thing I know better now, but it has taken me almost two decades to listen to my own intuition and act from that place.

The relationship between myself and my parents suffered a great deal of strain because I stuck to my guns (thank goodness for my stubborn side!). My boyfriend made it “worse” by proposing to me after our first year of dating!

I remember crying A LOT, not because I wasn’t connected to my love, but because I let the criticism from my parents cut through me like a knife. There was little that I wanted more than their loving approval.

That was the “approval-seeking-me” back then.

Despite the years of stress with my parents, I wouldn’t change a thing. We now have a much closer relationship than ever before. I learned so much from my relationship with my first boyfriend (who became my husband). Even though we parted ways after we learned as much as we could from each other (and it was time to move on), I do not regret “going against” my parent’s advice.

Nevertheless, I’m not going to advise you to ditch your parents. What I would do, however, is to demonstrate your maturity by making sure you are acting as lovingly responsible as any 18 year old could be.

When my first love and I had to have a long distance relationship, my parents were pleased because they were certain we would break up. Instead, we grew closer. If you want it, Adrian, you’re going to have to fight for it. You have the advantage that you’ve already been through cancer. I see that as an advantage because you’ve been through a life and death situation. People having gone through cancer often have greater clarity of what is important in our lives.

And there is nothing more important than love.

Please be compassionate towards your parents. They are just scared. They want the best for you, even if they couldn’t possibly know what that is. Here’s a little exercise I want you to do to help your parents trust you a little more.

Do this every day if you can.

It is simple. Tell them how much you appreciate them and why. Appreciation never gets old when it is genuine. I’ve seen miracles happen with this exercise. If you’re too shy, start by writing it daily in a journal, but then work up to saying it via email, text messaging, phone and face-to-face. Are you willing to do this?

Lastly, temper your emotional responses to your parents’ criticism. Don’t take it personally. Know that it is just “their stuff” not yours. They are just projecting onto you their own fears and insecurities when they criticize you. See if you can just feel the love underneath all that. If they don’t allow you to see your girlfriend, just let them know that you feel sad about their decision but you understand that they need to do what they are most comfortable with….

…but then you can decide, at age 18, to go see your girlfriend anyway and prepare for the consequences.

Adrian, this isn’t easy, but you have the wisdom within to tell you what to do. Just do your best to stay respectful of your parents while also being true to yourself. They are going to ask you the hard questions – they are going to test you. If you can’t answer something you can just reflect back to them the issue they are concerned about.


Parents: You’re too young to be so attached. How long do you think “first loves” really last anyway?

Mature You: It sounds like you’re really concerned about my happiness and don’t want me to be sad or disappointed. Is that right? You know, I really appreciate you for your concern and your love. I’m sure there will be times I will be sad or heartbroken – it’s just part of life, but I also know that you’ve raised me to be strong enough to bounce back from anything like I bounced back from cancer. I just want you to know I’m not scared of being hurt.

Keep praying Adrian. Pray in the way that you already see yourselves together and happy.

This lifetime just happens once. If you died tomorrow, would you regret anything?

I believe in you.

Dr. Karen

P.S. When my baby sister (who is six years younger) announced her engagement, instead of admonishing her, my father said, “It’s about time”. My brother-in-law has NO IDEA what my husband and I went through to make it easy for them! My husband and I paved the way…and we’re happy we did.
P.P.S. Please comment on this post and share your wisdom and thoughts!

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Can I manifest my partner even though I still live with my family?

Posted on 19 August 2010 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr Karen,

I have a question regarding taking action in order to manifest my dream partner. I currently live at home with my family and the only action and acting ”as if” steps I have been able to take are sleeping on one side of my bed, cleaning out my bathroom drawers and cupboards and leaving an extra toothbrush, towel, face washer and shower puff in my bathroom.

I am working on cleaning out some of my wardrobe space for his clothes and of course, I have written down my dream partner”s laundry list of attributes and qualities and am doing my embodying exercises every day.

My question then is since I still live at home, are these small actions inadequate or not enough? Is there more I should be doing?

Kind Regards,

Dear S,

You’ve done a fabulous job of working on your “acting as if” exercises, and it sounds like your attribute list is specific. So congratulations! Keep on doing your embodying exercises.

Your question is a good one which is why I’m answering it today. So are you asking whether that fact that you live with your family is preventing or detering your dream partner from coming around? That is, that what you’re doing is “not enough”?

If so, the answer is, “It depends”.

Even though on the surface it would seem contradictory to be putting so much effort into manifesting your dream partner while you still live in your parents home…unless you plan to attract someone who also wishes to live in your parents home, all is not lost.

The most important thing you can do is to “practice” the feeling of already having the partner you desire. So the rituals you are practicing is to create the vibrational state of having your partner already.

If you desire him/her to be with you in the home you now live, that is one thing, if not, then visualize (embody) scenarios where you live elsewhere.

That being said, you’ll want to make preparations for moving out of your parents’ home. It doesn’t mean you have to move out immediately, but it means that you need to make some goals and set up a timeline or plan as to when you want to be self-sufficient..even if that means renting a small apartment a mile away.

Why is that important?

Well, in my experience, a person really learns who they are by living on their own and experiencing all their choices first hand without parental interference so to speak. The confidence you gain will help you attract a partner who will not only love you for who you are, but will respect you as well (because you respect yourself).

When you know you can be happy and make it on your own without “someone” you’re leaning on for financial support (for example), you’ll be able to attract a higher level partner who is also able to be happy and confident.

You don’t want to “need” someone. Instead you want to be whole and you want your partner to be whole. Two “whole” people, not two halves.

So keep up the good work with your exercises. Now is the time to keep stretching yourself further. When you feel like you’re risk-taking a bit and you are a little uncomfortable, that usually means you are growing, and you’re headed in the right direction!

If you’re too comfortable (in your parents’ home), that may be a sign that your energy is not expanding big enough to magnetically attract the dream partner that matches your list. Make sense? Of course if you’re 15 years old, moving out may be a bit premature! So use your intuition when reading and interpreting my advice.


Dr. Karen Kan

Comments? Please let me know what other advice you’d like to give or what you think of my post.

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Will Using Visualization Make Him More Romantic?

Posted on 06 June 2010 by Dr. Karen

Dr. Karen,

I got my boyfriend through law of attraction, and had him exactly the way I wanted him to be, he is handsome, intelligent, smart, rich and responsible. But he is not that romantic and isn’t that enthusiastic towards our relationship and he takes it for granted.

So is it possible through the law of attraction to see these very new things in him that he has never done before to me? My question is – Is it possible to add some new behaviors in your partner just by visualizing it?


Dear Tia,

In my experience, visualizing what you want is just PART of the manifesting process. If you’ve read my Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, you’ll remember that there are approximately seven steps to the manifesting process. What I’ll share here is complimentary to what I wrote in the book, so I won’t repeat what’s in the book.

It is more than possible through the Law of Attraction to see these “new” behaviors in your relationship. However, it is going to take some effort and discipline on your part to co-create this. This isn’t about him changing as much as it is about you changing. Really.

Visualization is a powerful tool if you can feel it as a “whole body” experience. Imagine ideal (and believable) situations where you are both enjoying the romance of the moment and how that feels in your body. Do the exercise daily. Your partner may notice a mysterious twinkle in your eye afterwards if you’re practicing this successfully. The power of visualizations depends on repetition AND being able to feel it in your body (not just thinking about it in your mind).

Visualizing is just one of many manifesting tools. A crucial step in harnessing the Law of Attraction is consistent ACTION. In other words, visualization without relevant action is not very useful. Here is what I recommend you do next.

Look really hard for behaviors in your partner that you enjoy and like and make sure you give him appreciation for them, each and every time. This means homework on your part. Make it a daily exercise for at least thirty days (so it becomes a habit) to look for things you appreciate about your partner and tell him about it.

Better yet, don’t just tell him your appreciation verbally. Tell him with your body. Melt your body into his, look into his eyes and glow with loving appreciation for those “little” things he does to show his love for you, even if you don’t consider them “romantic”.

Our partners are our mirrors. If you feel he’s been taking you for granted, you’re probably doing the same in his perception, even if it is unconsciously. Look for ways you have been taking him for granted and start correcting your behavior so that you start giving him the recognition YOU’D like to receive yourself.

Next exercise: start doing romantic things for yourself and for him. Bring out your “Goddess”. For example, get yourself a bouquet flowers and if he asks you why, just tell him you did it because it makes you feel feminine and romantic (only if that is true, of course). Take a bath by candlelight and ask him to join you. Start a tickle fight on the couch. Watch a romantic movie then “attack him” with loving kisses afterwards.

Take belly dancing classes and start “practicing” all over the house in your coin skirt, nudging him with your hips as you shimmy by. Offer a foot rub. Leave sticky notes in odd places around the house (like inside the bathroom cabinet) that say, “I love you!” or “I love your butt!” etc.

I want you to have fun with this. If any of these suggestions make you feel uncomfortable….GOOD! You have room to grow!

So let us know what happens!

If anyone reading this blog post has any other suggestions for Tia, please share them by posting a comment to this blog.

Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. Are you stuck at all? Do you think you could use some coaching? If you’re interested group tele-coaching, let me know now as I’m forming a coaching group soon. Click here for more information.

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