The Law of Attraction in Love

One evening, I got to babysit the two-year old, Dustin. We played in the usual way until dark clouds moved into the area. We were in the basement when we saw the first strikes of lightning. I decided to open the shutters so we could view the lightning better. He watched with fascination as I commented on the lightning and the ensuing thunder.

I wanted a loud “crack” of thunder, but all we got were low rumbles. Almost complaining, I explained to him that we were just hearing “baby” thunder. He was intrigued with the word “baby”, so he repeated it, “Baby funder?”, he said. He couldn’t pronounce “thunder” although I taught him to stick out his tongue while he tried.

So at first we stood there and watched for about 15 minutes. Then I sat down. He promptly sat down between my legs and we continued to view the sky. Later, my bum got numb so I repositioned into a lying position. Dustin immediately did the same and suddenly we were facing each other in the dark lying on the basement floor.

As the lightning and thunder continued behind him, Dustin just kept looking silently into my eyes. Our eyes were locked on each other in the dark. Can you imagine? A two-year old…silent. We were just BEING. We were just Being and connecting with each other.

I realized the special moment that we were sharing and also that it would never come again. Dustin was teaching me how to BE present. He wasn’t bored. He wasn’t pre-occupied. He wasn’t wanting to be elsewhere. He was just plain BEING present…and he was completely content staring into my eyes with his Being.

Tear flowed down my face as I smiled at this wonder-child. What a gift to be able to share a whole hour of practical silence with my nephew!

Most of the time we are busy entertaining our two-year olds, not realizing that they have the natural gift of BEING, something we lose as we grow older and get busier and more pre-occupied with our “problems”. If we just let our children show us their beautry and wisdom, we would be much happier. Who would have guessed that a two-year old could be content in silence watching a storm?

I learned that lesson from a two-year old that night.

Dr. Karen Kan

I am married and have a 3 year old boy. things were going badly in my marriage for quite some time now, but I have always tried to fix everything. A few months ago, I fell in love with one of my colleagues..someone very special with whom I can be myself. It feels like we were meant to be together - the energy flows between us. I am lost now, feeling guilty towards my husband (who doesn’t know) and towards my son (who will suffer from any potential decisions I will make). Help me please! Nathalie

Dear Nathalie,

I can imagine your pain Nathalie, especially as the feelings of guilt can be very strong in situations such as yours. Have you ever had judgments about other people’s infidelities? I can truthfully tell you that I did. When I got married, I had no idea how anyone could have an affair outside of marriage. I was extremely judgmental of anyone who couldn’t be “truthful” in their relationships.

So the Universe brought me to a place where I could learn a lesson.

What happened with me is that I fell in love with a colleague who I met at a conference and couldn’t stop thinking about him while I was still married to my husband. It took me a long time to finally tell my husband that I had feelings for another man. He suspected it and even met the guy once. You know what my husband said? He said, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I would have appreciated the truth sooner.”

But you know, when I experienced myself how difficult it was to tell the truth, I finally understood why other people “cheated” on their partners. Although I didn’t physically “cheat” on my husband, the energy was definitely there…it’s the same thing. So now I have less judgment when it comes to people who are in situations such as yours.

I appreciate that you don’t want to hurt your three year old child. The truth is that you are doing the best you can and you need to release the guilt. It is a non-supportive emotion, a non-supportive energy. Your intentions are not to hurt your husband or your child, right? Will they possibly be emotionally hurt from you telling the truth? Possibly, yes. Is it your responsibility to prevent hurt in others. No, it is not. You are not literally responsible for another’s feelings, yet you can be understanding and compassionate around them.

Here’s the thing - your child will one day experience hurt. And you will not be able to prevent it. Getting “hurt” is an inevitable part of growing up. At three, your child will probably be less “hurt” over your situation than if he were older (at least consciously). What you can do is model the behavior you’d like for your child.

Would you like your child to have happy loving relationships as an adult? Of course you would.

Would you like your child to be supportive and compassionate with others? Of course you would.

So model those things for your child.

I encourage you to tell the truth when you are ready. Why? Because the secret eats at you from the inside and it is very unhealthy. Allow your partner to have his reaction, negative or not. Allow your child to have reactions (if any) and just know that you can still hold the space of loving intention despite their reactions. It is not an easy practice, but it can be very healing. Stay away from being defensive. Just state your truth…and your truth is how you feel.

Think of it this way. Keeping the secret is “selfish”. The reason you keep the secret is not only because you don’t want your husband and son to hurt, it is also because you do not want to deal with the negative reaction you may receive once you reveal the truth. You are not alone in this. Everyone I know has told a lie at least once in their life. As children, we tell lies in order to save ourselves from punishment.

So understanding this, would you be willing to be courageous (not only for yourself but for your son)? The colleague you are with may or may not be the partner you will end up with in the long run. Partnerships that arise from clandestine relationships do not always last the way we wish they would. But don’t worry about that at this point.

You are responsible for your joy and peace primarily. If you do not take responsibility for it, then you will teach your son not to take responsibility for his happiness either.

You know the saying, The Truth Shall Set You Free. And it is so true in terms of Energy. Your energy is restricted so long as you keep the truth from surfacing.

I wish you the best during this challenging transition. I know you can find the strength.

Dr. Karen

Although inconvenient to have a dent and not know where it came from, I stayed out of reaction successfully and just did what I needed to do: I called the insurance company asking for instructions. They were very nice. I purposely felt the feelings of gratitude for how nice they were to deal with. I found out my deductible for collision was $1000. Well, it was more than I expected, but still I stayed out of reaction. I just assumed that there was some lesson I was supposed to learn but just hadn’t figured it out yet.

The next day I get a call from the insurance company. Apparently I have a special “ultra” program on my car insurance that they forgot that I had. My deductible was dropped to $100! Wow, I was really appreciative then. Right after that, I received a message from a young man who admitted to hitting my car. I was again in appreciation. My car insurance company was sure happy too.

When I called the young man, it was only then that I realized that it was my counselor’s son! Someone we knew! So again, I was in great appreciation. Because I knew he would “do the right thing”. It took him a couple days to finally call me, but I was not angry at him. Anyone can make a mistake.

So now I am thankful that not only do I not have to pay $1000 deductible, I don’t even have to pay the $100 deductible because someone admitted fault to the dent and will pay for me!

So what was the lesson?

Stay in non-reaction (i.e. trust) and watch the miracles occur in your life! In other words, the outcome of any situation depends upon how YOU react to it. Nothing is inherently GOOD or BAD. It is good or bad based on the “spin” you give it…your perceptions color your reality.

You might as well assume that everything that happens is for your higher good. Then you will understand the meaning of PEACE.

Dr. Karen

 
 
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Dear Shannon,

It sounds like life with your partner can be challenging as you attempt to manifest your dreams and are committing to being responsible for your moods. I applaud you for making the commitment to being aware of your moods and not blaming others or “things” or “situations” for your moods. At the same time, I want to counsel you that there is nothing wrong with being sad, angry or frustrated in the moment. It’s just energy. The harm comes when we don’t realize that it is our thoughts and judgments about “what is happening” or simply “what is” that creates the discomfort. For example, just because you are commiting to your happiness, does not mean that you will particularly feel “happy” the moment your partner is barking at you…and that’s OK.

There is a misconception with the teachings of the law of attraction that people believe they must feel good all the time. Nonsense. We are human beings. We have feelings. You don’t have to be happy all the time to manifest your dreams. However, what you do need to be is CONSCIOUS. Being conscious means being able to be in the energy of “sadness”, for example, on purpose, and at the same time understand and appreciate that all is well and as it should be. That there is nothing you need to change. Judging yourself for being anything other than happy is harmful. JUDGMENT is not the vibration you wish to emit with harnessing the law of attraction to manifest your wishes. A beautiful example of this is my recent experience with a miscarriage. I was sad and grieving for the miscarriage and at the very same time, completely grateful for the entire experience and for all the support I received. I did not want anything else but the moment of being in the energy of sadness. It wasn’t bad or good. It was an opportunity to be present. And I appreciated every minute of it. Sounds strange, but the heart-opening I experienced was very worthwhile.

You question whether your partner’s bad moods will affect you and your manifesting abilities. The answer is “possibly”. Whoever is the dominant vibration in your environment will usually affect the other. Sometimes depressed, stressed out people, can have a powerful vibration and it is difficult to stay in your own vibration of love in their midst…but it can be done with much practice and personal growth. At other times, you may have to physically remove yourself from this energy if it is too strong for you, in order to practice fully staying the vibration you choose to be in. See if you can stay out of the “blame” game and take full responsibility for your happiness.

As to whether you are going down the same paths, only you and he can really make that call. I’m sensing that you are at a different point in the journey than he is. He may be still stuck in the stage where he is blaming “work” for his stress and moods. Or he maybe completely unaware of his negativity because it is such a habit. Such was the case with my ex-husband. When I finally went to medical school while we were dating, it suddenly occurred to me that he was either clinically depressed or had a mild form of bipolar illness (good moods for weeks, then sudden depression for weeks or months). I brought it to his attention and he understood where I was coming from. He never sought counseling or medication at the time, but having several heart to heart talks with him really helped him come to grips with his behavior.

When two people start vibrating at different frequencies, then changing the form of your relationship may be what’s best for both of you. Your partner is there to teach you something. Maybe he is there for you to stand up for yourself. Maybe he is there so you can learn how to ask for what you need in a partnership. Don’t get caught up in what you “think” your partnership should be like (even if you have a child). Instead, create the ideal partnership like I teach you in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, and invite The Universe to help you decide what is best for both of you. It may be that separating would be the best thing. It may be counseling.

Whatever decisions you make, don’t regret them. Just imagine that everything is perfect and know that the Universe gives you multiple chances to manifest your dreams. There is no time limit! You are just trying your best, and that is good enough. The best thing you can do for your partner is the stay in the energy of compassion, forgiveness and love. In that vibration you will manifest your wishes easily. Hopefully when he can witness your loving peacefulness and ability to manifest, he will ask you how you do it. You can’t change him. He has to want to change. Your example will be the best gift.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

“Yes”, she replied.

Suddenly, tears started streaming down my face. I turned from the monitor to look into my partner’s eyes. He was still “waiting” to see the baby. My face told the story. The ultrasonographer, hearing my crying, turned and gave me a hug and said, “I’m sorry”.

One moment, we were expecting parents. In another moment, we weren’t. I was surprised at the degree of sadness that came up immediately for me. It was wonderful to see that my partner could also be “real” about his sadness too and we teared up together. I feel very close to James, even more so than before.

Despite the sadness of losing our pregnancy, I did not feel sad every moment of every day. I was open to experiencing whatever feelings came and committed to being as PRESENT as possible. What I noticed was that I am able to be both sad about our loss and also grateful and joyful at the same time. There is a big difference between feeling sad and feeling depressed. The first is a temporary energy state and I notice that it ebbs and flows with what’s going on in the moment. The latter is a pervasive energy state that negatively affects your entire existence, so much so, that your entire world is painted grey.

At the same time that there was sadness with my loss, James and I were immediately drawn to all the GIFTS and SIGNS from The Universe that all was well. I feel showered with blessings, as many gifts were bestowed onto me from The Universe, as if to comfort me. I successfully manifested the rain to stop and the sun to shine three times this past week when I needed it. What a gift! The Universe sent me many new clients and patients. What a gift! James and I realized that we CAN get pregnant (James and his former wife didn’t get pregnant for almost 9 years). What a gift! Countless family and friends have offered support and prayers. What a gift!

There is no guilt, no blame, no fault finding. Just acceptance and love. What a wonderful way to experience loss. To be able to be both sad and grateful at the same time. I think they call this state, the state of GRACE. Would I have it any other way? Nope. All is as it should be.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Esraa,

The lovely thing about the law of attraction is that is works for everyone including the man you love. You are responsible for co-creating your reality with The Universe and so is he. The law of attraction states that similar vibrations are attracted to each other. What that means in a practical sense is that his vibration must be similar to yours in order for you both to become attracted to each other.

Each of our vibrations are created through our own thoughts and emotions. Thus, you cannot control another person’s thoughts or emotions can you? You can try to, but we call that manipulation, and it doesn’t really get you a happy relationship in the end! The bottom line is this: you can use every law of attraction technique in the book to try to attract your love to you, but if his own thoughts and desires are of a different wavelength, you’re out of luck.

That being said, let me tell you what you CAN do. You can send loving thoughts and wishes to this man, and in sending them, also send the feeling of being unattached to the outcome of what you want (i.e. being with him). In other words, if you wrote a pretend letter to him, it would go something like this:

“Dear _______, I want you to know how much I love you. And I realize that in order to love you fully, I am letting go of all attachment to us being together. I’d love for us to share our lives together because I love you so much. Yet, because I love you, I want to respect your path and your vision of how you want to live. I pray you live a happy, healthy and prosperous life. If we are meant for each other, I rejoice. If we are not, I may be sad at first, but eventually I’ll rejoice in knowing that I have supported you in your freedom of choice to live your life the way you see fit - and for that I feel good. And if we are not to be together, then I will rejoice in knowing that there is someone else special for me that The Universe has in mind. Bless you. Love, Esraa”

Esraa, you can make up your own pretend letter. The purpose of the letter is to train you to let go of your attachment to having THIS particular man love you. Your attachment actually blocks your manifestation. It is loving unattachment that brings our manfestations quickly to us. What I’ve noticed in the “real” world is that often, when you let go of desparately wanting someone, they are more attracted to you. Few people are attracted to a desperate or needy lover - in fact often, they want to run the other direction!

If you can somehow get into the mindset of “I’m amazing! and anyone having a relationship wtih me is incredibly blessed”, just wait and see who turns up! You may have to work at it, but when you can actually practice this feeling, miracles happen!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

Dear Sultan,

A couple of things I would like to clarify for you to make your life easier:

1. Negative thoughts are not “bad”, they are part of human existence. It is impossible to banish all negative thoughts and although you may have heard from teachings of the Law of Attraction to focus on positive thoughts, don’t beat yourself up for having negative thoughts. It is when you beat yourself up for having negative thoughts that you GIVE THEM MORE POWER!

Instead, when you have negative thoughts, just notice them and let them pass without judgment. This isn’t easy at first, but after a while, you can even make a game of it. If you notice a negative thought, you can say to your mind, “thank you for sharing, cancel/pass” and then automatically train yourself to think of something else, something positive or supportive, or distract yourself altogether.

2. Thinking “positive” and creating a relationship using the law of attraction can be very different things. Please read my blog entry on “the law of attraction is NOT positive thinking”. So when you are attempting to create a relationship with this man you have a crush on, what exactly are you wanting in a relationship? You need to send a clear message to the Universe what you want, not who you want. There is a difference. If you ask the Universe to give you someone who gives you lots of loving affection, who is humorous and energetic, the Universe will find that person for you. But if you have a preconceived idea of what your “crush” is like in a relationship and he doesn’t fit into your deepest wants and desires (as the Universe would already know this), the Universe will not comply with your conscious wish attract this particular man. Know what I mean?

The man you have a crush on may or may not be a suitable partner for you. And maybe he’d be suitable for a short time only so you can learn a lesson. Personally, I believe in being honest and straightforward. I’m not a fan of mind-games. In other words, ask this man if he’d be interested in dating you. Tell him why you like him and that you are interested in him, and see what he has to say. If he disappears off the face of the earth and you never hear from him again, you have your answer from the Universe - “he’s not the best one for you right now”, and you will have cleared valuable space for a better relationship to come along.

On the other hand, he might be really happy about it, and you’ve saved yourself a lot of wasted time guessing how he feels. The best relationships I’ve ever witnessed and have been in were relationships where there was no guessing. Each individual in the relationship was honest and upfront and willing to be vulnerable (in their honesty).

In my humble opinion, life is too short to dance around the issue. Ask for what you want. If what you think you want doesn’t match with your unconscious spiritual desires, you’ll know very quickly! The Universe is there to support you in every way with miracles.

3. Manifesting laws can be summarized like this: your thoughts lead to your feelings, which lead to your actions, which leads to your results. If you are too scared to be upfront with this man about your attraction to him, what does that say about your thoughts? The Universe will help you but you will have to take action, which means having courage to undergo whatever happens after you take action. Just believing that whatever happens is for your own highest good is a wonderful way to live a happy peaceful life!

Let us know what happens after you take action.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

I’m pregnant!

Did we plan it? Nope. Are we thrilled? Yes! Although I wasn’t planning for a family for a couple of years since I was heavily into my new adventures online, I am gracefully accepting this amazing gift from Spirit. We’ve received so many gifts in the form of congratulations and well-wishes from our family and friends…wow, it is such a wonderful experience! My due date is January 23rd.

So how can I teach you something from all this? Well, I’d like to start by reminding you that you don’t have full control of what your life will bring. Yet, it is important to set intentions. The Universe knows the quickest, fastest most efficient way to accomplish your intention…and like in my case, it can come about as a complete and utter surprise!

The other learning here, is that it is important to ASSUME that everything that happens is for your highest good. My “lower” self would be tempted to go into fear and anxiety. The “mind frick” as my teacher Harv Eker would say, starts to create havoc if we let it! Negative thoughts like, “how are we going to afford a baby?”, and “how will this affect my ability to do my work and my passion?” come up. Although it is natural for these thoughts to come up, I am training my mind to let them go. I’m practicing staying in the present, and to TRUST in the Universe to take care of us.

Letting go and having total trust is challenging indeed, especially if you are anything like me (a control-freak!), but it is exactly what the doctor ordered!

Now, this week, I’m actually starting to feel the effects of being in the first trimester of pregnancy, which means I’m tired. So to honor my body and to take care of myself, I’m deferring my next tele-workshop/teleseminar for a couple of weeks. My apologies to anyone that was waiting anxiously for them…they will come!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

The second way to generate a strong vibration is to have a lot of passion. Even in a person with a weak or sick body, a strong focus and passion can often vibrate that person beyond the usual limits of his or her body. So be passionate and focused for what you want.

The other way top manage your energy I’d like to touch on is being “present”. What that means is having your energy circuits in “real-time” not in the past and not in the future. Being present is not easy for many of us and certainly not me. One of the ways we aren’t “present” is having emotional and belief obstacles from our past conditioning and experiences. The next two tele-workshops are focused heavily on identifying blocks and obstacles and removing them so we can get your energy in the “present”.

I will be creating new monthly Teleseminar series that you can subscribe to. Only a limited number of people will be accepted because I want to be able to answer everyone’s questions in detail in addition to the content for each teleseminar. In addition the first 50 people to subscribe will receive the Law of Attraction Tele-Workshop Series #1-6 (value $298) as a FREE download. Click here for more information.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan