Archive | April, 2011

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How do I keep him from cheating on me!

Posted on 29 April 2011 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

I have been married to my husband for 20 years and we have children. Even before we were married, he cheated on me. And he has time and time again! He lies and gets very defensive when I confront him, but eventually the truth comes out. I’ve left him seven times but I always go back. I’ve asked him to leave several times as well, but he always comes begging me to take him back.

And I always take him back because I love him so much. I still love him. I am tired of being hurt by him, but I remain suspicious that he’s seeing someone else behind my back. This way of life has tampered with my self-esteem and in search of solutions I have tried everything.

I now have come across the Law of Attraction but my doubts are still there: does he really love me and want to be with me? and can a situation like this change using the Law of Attraction? Please help!


Dear Nina,

Thanks for your honest letter. I hope my answer will be helpful to you. But first, I have a question for you?

What are you expecting the Law of Attraction to do for you?

Are you expecting it to magically change your husband so that he isn’t the “cheating type” any longer? Because if that is the case, then I can tell you very easily that the Law of Attraction doesn’t work this way. We can’t use the Law of Attraction to change other people against their free will.

However, what you CAN use the Law of Attraction for is to create happiness for yourself. Whether your husband is part of that ultimate happiness is up to you and the Universe to co-create together. Your Law of Attraction “wish” statement could be something like:

I am thoroughly enjoying a fulfilling romantic relationship with my soulmate.

Sometimes we fool ourselves in thinking we truly love someone when we only truly love certain parts, or aspects, of them. What I mean by this is that you seem to enjoy enough aspects of your spouse to keep him around. But there are aspects of him that you don’t like so you aren’t truly happy. Isn’t that right?

So here’s the truth of the matter:

  • the highest form of love means being able to accept who our lovers are without judgment or expectation, but that doesn’t mean that you always like or enjoy what they are doing. There is a difference.
  • you can’t change another person. You don’t have that kind of control. You can only change yourself and your reactions to situations. When you can change yourself and be fully responsible for your own happiness, then you’ll see the relationship shift remarkably.

So you have a couple of very simple choices here Nina. It is high time you took 100% responsibility for your experiences. He is not responsible for your unhappiness, you are. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you’ve been on this yo-yo ride for over 20 years now. When will you decide to change your experience? When will you realize that what you’ve been doing all these years doesn’t work?

Here are some choices:

You can choose to accept that your husband “cheats”,  and in that acceptance, you can enjoy him as much as possible when he’s around, and give up trying to change or criticize him for not being who you think he should be (the equivalent of telling a bear that it should acting like an antelope)

Do something drastically different for a change maybe. For example,  study books on open marriages or polyamory and see if any of those resonate with either of you. If “cheating” was genetic, like diabetes, would you be as judgmental of it? Probably not. I’m not saying it is, but what if it was?

Just trying to open minds here…

How about this new thought pattern: Can you entertain the possibility that your husband loving other people in no way diminishes his love for you? Does a candle flame diminish when it lights another candle? Love is light. Think about that.

I’m bringing this up because we’ve been unconsciously indoctrinated in the concept that the ONLY way a relationship can be successful is through monogamy. Anytime there is an absolute rule, we all should be questioning it’s validity, because somewhere, sometime, long ago, someone made that rule in order to control others.

Remember, it wasn’t long ago when women and children were considered a man’s property. And in some parts of the world, they still are (sigh!).

So Nina, in summary, you can either change your perspective (by letting go of victim-hood, judgment or expectations) or change your situation by leaving, but you can’t change him. Got it? Hope so.

So if you’re not willing to leave because having him around is BETTER than not having him around, then just admit to yourself that you’ve CHOSEN this relationship in its current form and stop being the victim. You’re not the victim here. You’re choosing this. When you can be compassionate with yourself about choosing this relationship, then you can let go of all the judgment of how imperfect it is and just ENJOY your husband.

If these steps seem too difficult for you, as I imagine they might be, I suggest that you book yourself into seeing a relationship coach or counselor and get some support. We all need support for our spiritual and personal growth, so I encourage you to be courageous and find an expert that you resonate with.

In the meantime, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of Neale Donald Walsch’s book on Relationships and read it over and over again:

You can also listen to the interview I did with him HERE.

I believe in you Nina. Thanks for helping others with your question.


Dr. Karen Kan
P.S. Anyone reading this post, feel free to comment.

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Need a guide MAP to your life?

Posted on 26 April 2011 by Dr. Karen

Have you noticed the stress, chaos and destruction that is happening in the world lately? Does it bother you at all? Or are you at peace with it?

Maybe you’re eternally peaceful no matter what is going on. Maybe you are so clear on your “path” that nothing, even an earthquake in your midst, will sway you from the focus of your destiny.

But then again, maybe you feel a little frazzled or lost?

So if you’re in the latter camp, you may be interested in Colette Baron-Reid’s new book, The MAP Finding The Magic And Meaning in The Story Of Your Life. Like other book launches from my friends and colleagues, Colette has made sure that you get a lot of value out of her book by offering you a bunch of gifts…but before we talk about the gifts, here’s more about her book:

What you’ll find in The MAP

In her over 22 years as a sought-after Intuitive Counselor, Colette Baron-Reid has helped thousands of people all over the world re-claim the power to direct their lives with her innovative techniques. Now, in The MAP she personally guides YOU step-by-step through the revolutionary process she has perfected over the years. With Colette’s breakthrough approach, you’ll be able to:

Become the Mapmaker of your life and harness your incredible ability to shape your destiny and the world, even in the midst of challenges and uncertainty.

Tap into the power of your inner-landscapes so you can choose what you want to feel, think, and believe no matter what is going on around you.

Work with your imagination to alter yourself and your life.

Create lasting-change from within by shifting your perceptions, which then dramatically transforms your outer reality.

Connect with the profound wisdom within you, which will light your way when you feel lost or at the mercy of something outside of yourself.

Enjoy more fulfilling relationships, both with others and yourself.

Today I have joined with my colleague Colette Baron-Reid to offer you an astonishing treasure chest of gifts and prizes worth over $20,000. The prizes, some of them worth hundreds of dollars, are from some of the biggest names in the field of personal growth . . . spiritual growth . . . relationship building . . . mind body healing . . . Life Coaching and Meditation . . . ALL FOR F*R*E*E!

There are 8 top prizes worth over $1000.00 each.

  • an all expenses paid trip for two to the Hay House I Can Do It Conference in Pasadena, CA this fall worth over $2500.00
  • an all expenses paid trip (minus airfare) to a once-in-a-lifetime spiritual tour to Peru. “Andean Master Path”: June Solstice in the Andes: June 17 to 30, 2011. valued at $3679.00
  • a full membership for the SWAT institute worth almost $6000.00

Colette herself is offering several prizes to Spend a Day with Colette in a One Day Workshop in the beautiful coastal town of Portsmouth, NH this July. As well as phone readings and many more prizes.

And lastly there are 2 KINDLES up for grabs.

Go see for yourself!

WHY are she and her colleagues being so generous?

We’ve rallied around her to give her book the recognition it deserves and to encourage YOU to discover this brilliant new process. It’s but once in a few years that a book comes along like this that really captures the attention of so many people, and I highly recommend you check it out.

So all you need to do to get a chance to win these amazing prizes and  automatically receive the author gifts is to buy just ONE copy of The Map for the special book launch price of around $10.00 ( price differs depending on the on-line store) and register your receipt on the website Colette has set up for you.

See what people are saying about The Map

“This book teaches you to shift into a new magical awareness of your life; you’ll find a deeper understanding of where you are, where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, and the path forward that is your destiny. We all travel through light and dark; this book helps illuminate the way forward so you can transform your story and claim your authentic and best life now.”

— Debbie Ford, the #1 New York Times best-selling author of The Dark Side of the Light Chasers

“Using landscapes as metaphors for what’s going on in our lives is brilliant. The Map is not just a rewrite of the same old concepts, The Map offers an entirely new and innovative approach that truly works”.

John Holland, bestselling author of The Power of The Soul & Psychic Navigator

“This book is a magical touchstone that allows you a profound understanding of the deepest forces of your essence. You embark on the hero’s journey to identify the disowned, denied, or wounded parts of your being and then learn to integrate these aspects into your greater whole.”

Denise Linn, bestselling author of The Hidden Power of Your Dreams

“I LOVE this book. Colette is an outstanding storyteller and a Metaphor Master. What an amazing opportunity for everyone to go on a delightful path of self-discovery, along an open road of magic, common sense and humor. Her practical self-awareness exercises lead you to a shining place of candid self-realization. Brilliant in concept and in an easy to read format, “The Map” takes you to a wonderful place of empowerment and joy.”

Yvonne Oswald, MHT, MNLP bestselling author of Every Word has Power

“This book is wonderful, whimsical, inspiring and revealing. It’s the perfect read for those who have ever felt lost and unsure of where they are in their lives. It will empower anyone willing to enter a magical world where they can find their true destiny.”

Courtney Cox, actor, star of ABC’s Cougar Town

Between the great reviews and the amazing gifts and prizes, The Map is a book you’ll want to read!

So, click on the link below and get your copy of The MAP: Finding The Magic And Meaning In The Story Of Your Life

Not only will you have made one of the best investments of your life, but you’ll also get access to over $20,000 in gifts and prizes.

Thanks and happy reading!

Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. Remember, YOU have the ultimate power to shape your destiny. No longer do you need to feel lost, uncertain, unworthy, or held back. Harness YOUR power today with The MAP!

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One simple five minute exercise that harness the Law of Attraction

Posted on 19 April 2011 by Dr. Karen

If you’re into the Law of Attraction, metaphysics, quantum physics, higher consciousness or just plain into manifesting the relationship of your dreams, read on…

I’ve been doing a LOT of studying lately. On many different subjects, but all related to two major themes: Energy and Consciousness.

On the health front, I’ve been researching how electromagnetic fields (for example microwave radiation from cell phones and cell towers) can be extremely hazardous to your health. Over Christmas, I became extremely sensitive to wireless radiation (sigh!) and thus I began researching some remedies (yes I found some!).

I’ve also been into knowing more about where our food in America comes from. It isn’t a pretty picture. James, my partner, and I have been watching movies like Food Inc., The Future of Food, The Beautiful Truth and King Corn.

What’s really interesting is how the lower quality “energy” coming from our food today translates, in essence, into a lowering of your energy levels available for manifesting!

Just think. What you eat can be interfering with how you manifest!

It’s all about energy. Allowing the energy in your body to drain away because you spend a lot of time using your computer or cell phone (luckily I discovered a couple of neat tools to prevent that) or by eating low energy food (pesticide ridden produce and meat from stressed out animals) means less energy available to harness the Law of Attraction.

And what does this mean about attracting your ideal romantic partner?

Less energy = Less attractiveness. Period.

As a holistic physician and energy healing professional, I have lots of information and tools at my disposal. I could go on and on about what I personally use to enhance my “vibration”, but I’m going to start by suggesting you do the simple five minute exercise below.

As a testament to this stuff “working” in our lives, I want to share two quick stories. Last week, while I was coaching a couple on Skype using my webcam, the man commented on how I seemed to “radiate”. Also last week, when my love partner, James, was out of town with friends, a woman he was passing on the street suddenly stopped and said rather loudly, “You are BEAUTIFUL! You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!”


How would you like to get comments like that?

Well, you can. Here’s your homework assignment for the next thirty days (preferably forever):

Every morning when you get up or every evening before you go to bed, write in a journal at least ten things you appreciate or are grateful for. At least two of these should be things you appreciate about yourself. If you’re ambitious like me, you’ll do another list of your successes for that day.

Most of us go to bed at night thinking about what we didn’t do rather than what we did do. We can be really hard on ourselves. Since the Law of Attraction states that what we focus on grows, I want you to start this habit of writing down all the positives in your life. I asked one of my clients with bulimia to do this on a daily blog and within two weeks I am witnessing the positive transformation in her life. My guess is that it was more effective than months of therapy.

This exercise may seem too simple to be useful. Don’t be fooled. This stuff works.

And make it fun. Buy yourself some nice colored pens and an attractive journal dedicated to this exercise. I have mine right by my bedside.

Let me know what you think by commenting below.


Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. In case you’re interested in checking out one of the tools I use to turbo-charge my manifesting abilities, check out this PAGE.

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