Archive | October, 2009

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The man I’m attracted to is wonderful by phone, but a Dud in person!

Posted on 27 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

(long letter is paraphrased below)

I wanted to manifest a man who had strong ties to Italy. I successfully connected with an attractive man via an internet forum. I’ve never “dated” this way before, so this was new. He connected with me daily via SMS, phone, email, msn and often left romantic messages. He even made the effort to try to help me with visa issues for a job interview in his home country of Italy.

Finally, when I showed up in Italy, he seemed to suddenly change! He seemed cold and distant. When we met, he hardly looked at me. He was so shy. In fact, he barely took time out of his schedule to spend time with me! I was shocked after all the time we spent communicating by phone etc. What was even more shocking was that when I went home, he started messaging me again! I got so angry and upset!

I’m not an ugly woman. I have many wonderful traits, but this guy..made me feel like crap and I cannot get over this. I felt too bad and I do not know why he did what he did! Now what I want to know is if I could change this situation with the law of attraction?

Please help so desperate..

Too confused to understand Men!

Dear “Too Confused”,

I can see how frustrated you are with this situation. It is as if this man is two different people. One the phone and through email and messages he is attractive in every way and attentive and loving. But in person, he is scared, distant and totally unavailable!

Well, this is a painful lesson for you. People can often use the “safety” of distance (not face-to-face) contact to express their fantasies, but eventually, a relationship needs to be able to grow past all that. This man you attracted is far from ready to be attentive to you in “real” life. He lives in a fantasy world online and you just happen to fall into a trap. It isn’t that he meant for it to be a trap, it is just that his world is not REAL.

You deserve a REAL relationship with someone who is willing to be who he REALLY is face-to-face with you. This Italian man is clearly very shy and has not had much practice in being in real relationships. He is intimidated, but that is not your fault. You do not have to make yourself smaller just so he can feel more confident. He is like a child at this point…not meaning any harm, but not able either to be an ADULT in the relationship.

You have lots of red flags here that are telling you to abandon the relationship as soon as possible. The fact that you still linger means that on the subconscious level, your self-esteem is low and that you do not feel you deserve better..otherwise you would have dropped him like a hot potato and moved on.

But it’s OK if you haven’t yet. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Understand that by hoping he would change, you are asking someone to be who they are not…which is not very loving or attractive. This is how you use the Law of Attraction. Let go of what clearly isn’t serving you (otherwise you give the message to the Universe that you deserve to be treated in a way that is less than loving). Then start again with your wish list and ADD the criteria to the list you missed in your first “try”.

So you may wish to add, “a man that is able and willing to connect with me on a mature level” or something even more specific.

By letting go of this relationship, you will harness the law of attraction by giving the message that this is NOT good enough for you. Move on. That means ending the relationship. Don’t even stay friends since you’re still feeling hurt. It is energy that is draining you from your true desires. Just let him know that after your meeting, you’ve realized that you’re both not on the same page and that you need to move on and make a clean break. Wish him well, then say goodbye. It isn’t easy, and he’ll rebel, but it is the best for both of you. Be strong.

You need to learn you deserve more and he needs to learn (for his own benefit) that a fantasy love life doesn’t serve either of you in the end.

If you need help with that, seek the help of a coach like myself or a counselor. I believe in you.

Dr. Karen
P.S. If you haven’t done so already, please connect with me on Twitter and FaceBook!

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Radio Show Monday: Why We Attract the People We Do

Posted on 24 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

Do you often wonder how and why you attract a particular person or type? Join me and Michael Sherman as we talk about what an Imago Match is – the idea that we attract someone to us who is a match to our subconscious imprint that was developed in childhood – and why that creates such wonderful romance in the beginning, how it naturally evolves into power struggle, and how conflict can be resolved with Imago dialogue.

Michael Sherman is the Founder of Courageous Loving, an organization based in Nyack, NY, devoted to personal growth and relationship training.  A writer, coach, trainer and multimedia producer, Michael has worked with thousands of people to help them to answer this question: ‘Who are my relationships calling me to become?”  Michael brings an energizing and humorous approach to his work, whether it be enlightening people with insights into their personal relationships, or elevating business people to become attractive leaders in their professional lives. He and his wife, Amy, a therapist and trainer in her own right, are together building a growing nation of Courageous Lovers.

Here are the details:
Monday October 26, 2009 at 12 noon EDT

Call in number: 347-945-6313
Hit “1” if you’d like me to see your “hand up” to ask a question

The show will be broadcast live at Anyone can download the show free of charge afterwards in case you missed it.

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Dear Dr. Karen: I’m 65 and I’m Only Attracted to Young Women

Posted on 20 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen

I cannot help it, but I am a hebephile. That means I am only attracted to young women from 18 to 24. All my life my relations (6 with the last one counted) began to be intimate when my partner was 19. The last relationship just ended. All my former partners have become friends. Now I am 65 soon and my last girlfriend of 24 is ready to start another relationship without me.

At my age, with legs that can hardly carry me, from accidents 8 years ago, is it still possible to find a new young woman I can give my love to in exchange for her trust and intimacy?

By the way did you know that the father and mother of reggae star Bob Marley had 41 between them, he was 58 and white and she black and 17 years, just like me and my last girlfriend. This to illustrate that age and race are not an issue with me.


Dear Alexander,

I’m not quite sure why you’re asking me whether you can find another young woman to have a relationship with since you’ve been fairly successful at attracting them in your past. It sounds like you’re doubting that you can because of your disabilities – is that it?

It is good to hear that your former girlfriends have all become friends. It sounds like there is genuine love and respect there. Congrats!

One thing that caught my attention is your belief about giving your love in exchange for trust and intimacy. You may wish to listen to the Blog Talk Radio interview I did with Neale Donald Walsch on the subject of romantic relationships. It isn’t about an “exchange” of anything if I can paraphrase. Instead it is about giving the biggest YOU you can give in a relationship.

Old paradigm relationships are about exchanges. I’ll do this for you if you do that for me. I’ll be sexually faithful to you if you’re sexually faithful to me. I won’t smoke/drink/gamble if you promise to love me, etc. The new paradigm of relationships isn’t about these “trades” or exchanges at all. It is about being fully who you are – being fully in your divine, an offering your love unconditionally.

So it matters not how old you are or how well you can walk, but about how much of your presence and love you can give to another.

Blessings to you,
Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Am I Madly in Love or Not?

Posted on 16 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dr. Karen,

I do not know what this is all about. But I am madly in love or not?? I really do not know what to call it as.

I am so much attracted to this man. We have been together for three years now. We broke up a while back because I blew up the issue as he was dating other women. For him I am just one of many, but for me he is everything.

The word Man means only him to me. Anyone walking tall on the road reminds me of him, if I see any pair on the road I think only of him. Any romantic scene on TV reminds me of him. I know very well that our frequencies never match and we are not the made for each other…but above all this there is something which makes me crave for him all the more. I am angry over him – as he did not treat me with self respect, used me when he did not have the confidence to lure other women. But now I am of no significance to him. It hurts. That is the reason I broke up with him. Maybe I would have handled this better if only he would have told it straight that he used me. I cannot take it in that he played with me.

But above all this anger, I am unable to hate him. I feel something for him which I cannot describe in words and which cannot be erased. Can you help me out!!! This is neither letting me live nor die..


Dear Lawen,

I can answer you simply. No, it is not love.

Why not?

Because true love is free and unconditional. What you have instead is an addiction. Yes, an addiction. You are addicted to the chemical hormones coursing through the cells of your body and you are “high” from your feelings of longing as well as your feelings of anger. It makes you feel alive.

Your intuition has already told you that “your frequencies never match”, yet you pursue him. And I can make a couple of guesses why you do. One possibility is that when you were young, there was someone in your life that you could not “have”. You couldn’t get enough attention from that person, a parent perhaps. Maybe that parent was unfaithful or untrustworthy.

I’ve seen countless examples of how adults who were abused as children still long for their parent to love them despite the obvious evidence that they do not have the capacity to do so. You could be repeating an unconscious pattern from your childhood that “makes you” addicted to pursuing the love and attention you never received as a child.

So you have a decision to make. You can continue on your unrewarding pursuit of an addiction, with its highs and lows, and never feel the true joy of a truly loving relationship. Or, you can get some help to free yourself from your current addiction.

Don’t underestimate the power of your addiction. You will need help and support to neutralize it. It will take time and lot of self-compassion. It has nothing to do with “him” and everything to do with your own conditioning. He just represents a part of you that you need to heal. His unfaithfulness to you is a blessing. It hurts, yes, but it is an opportunity. It is an opportunity for you to truly LOVE yourself first.

If you truly LOVE yourself fully, then you would never desire to be with someone who treats you less than you wish to be treated. There’s the key. You actually don’t love yourself enough to let go and realize that there are plenty of other men out there who WILL love you and be faithful to you. But it starts with changing YOU.

Bottom line, go get some professional help. You don’t have to do this alone. I believe in you.

Dr Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Do You Only Have to Ask Once for the Law of Attraction to Work?

Posted on 13 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dr. Karen,

My question now is: I have read many, many, articles on the laws of attraction and others have stated that ”you need only ask once” and it will come to pass. However, reading your article, you have said that thinking about it most often (in other words of course) it will come to pass. Which do you believe to be the correct way of thinking?

Thank you for your time.


Dear Anna,

Great question Anna. Let me rephrase it. It sounds like you’ve read that you only need to ask The Universe once in order to manifest your wish. At the same time, after reading my article, you perceived that you must think about your wish over and over again in order to manifest it. Is that right?

OK, here’s how it works, at least in my understanding. What is true is that you only need to ASK the Universe one time for your wish. Then, after asking, or in other words, setting your intention, you need to let it go.

And here’s where you need to pay attention!

What you need to let go of is the ATTACHMENT to your wish coming true. What you DON’T let go of is the passion, excitement and energy directed towards your dream/wish/intention.

When you order from the menu in a restaurant, you order once and then wait patiently for your meal to come, don’t you? You enjoy your wait. You don’t fret ever two minutes why your meal hasn’t come yet nor do you ask the waiter countless times whether he got your order. But you know what most of us do? We fret about our “order”!

When we set intentions, sometimes we lose faith that our “order” will come, so we either ask again and again out of anxiety, or we change course (change our minds). The latter is very common. I’ve witness many people discover a dream they wish to manifest. They become all fired up about it. But within a short period of time, they lose their faith and stop pursuing their dreams. Why? Because they don’t trust themselves to be completely responsible for CREATING their dreams.

Now, what I (and many others) teach is that once you set your intention, your focus needs to stay on your target (final outcome) or wish. You are not asking. You are planning for it. You don’t let distractions or obstacles prevent you from believing in your dream and taking the next step towards it.

I’ll give you an example. Say your wish is to swim with the dolphins. Once you’ve chosen the details of your wish, what do you do next? (please read the rest on my blog) Do you sit on the couch and watch movies all day? Will that get you closer to your dream? No, of course not. Will looking at pictures and movies about swimming with dolphins help? Yes, because they will get you in the vibration of already having experienced it (to the best of your imagination). But you need more than that.

Doing embodying exercises (see Chapter 2 in the eBook) will help you get into the vibration of having received. That is an “inner world” exercise. Then doing the “outer world” exercises of taking action in the real world take it to the next level. You cannot just have one without the other.

Your next step is “acting as if”. Your ACTIONS determine what happens. The Universe responds to the amount of energy you put forth in the direction of your wish. In our example, you would go and search the internet for dolphin experiences or search a travel guide. You would check out plane ticket costs, book time off from work, save money towards the trip etc. As the saying goes,

“Where attention goes, energy flows and results show”

Hope that clears up your confusion about the Law of Attraction and intention setting.

Dr. Karen Kan

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Join me Thursday night for a FREE Law of Attraction teleseminar and coaching call

Posted on 13 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

It’s been a super-busy month and a fun one at that. I hope you can join me this Thursday evening for a FREE 50 minute teleseminar and coaching session focused on everything to do with the Law of Attraction. This call will be recorded and available in the MEMBERS section of the Law of Attraction website soon afterwards in case you can’t make the call but want to listen to it.

Here’s some of the questions you may wish to ask and the material we’ll cover

  • When synchronicities happen in my life, what do they mean and what should I do when it happens?
  • What CAN the Law of Attraction do for you and what CAN’T it do for you.
  • Why even Law of Attraction gurus/teachers can have “bad” things happen to them and what it means for you?
  • How many negative thoughts do you have to have before you manifest negative things in your life?
  • If someone is really powerful or a great manifester, will they overpower YOUR wishes or intentions?
  • Why are we taught that we need only ask the Universe once for what we want yet are also told to focus daily on what we want? Is there some controversy here?
  • When “bad” things happen to “good” people…what does that all mean?
  • Can you really use the Law of Attraction to bring back an old relationship?

The format for this month’s teleseminar will be a little different in that whoever is on the call will have priority to ask his or her Law of Attraction questions LIVE and I will coach you personally. Depending on the number of people on the call, we’ll probably spend about 5-7 minutes per person so we can get through some of our material.

What’s great about this group-format coaching is that one: it’s free! Second, you get your question answered personally by me. No need to wait days, weeks or months to see it published on my blog or newsletter. Thirdly, it helps others by listening to your questions and hearing how I coach you.

Here’s the teleseminar info for Thursday:

Thursday October 15th 7:30PM – 8:20PM
Conference number 712-432-3900
Access Code 7677512#

If you have Skype, you don’t have to pay long distance charges. I look forward to speaking with you then!

And by the way, today we had our Ask Dr. Karen segment on Blog Talk Radio Law of Attraction in Love show where I answered a bunch of great questions from people, so please check it out and listen to the archives at

Dr. Karen Kan
PS. please connect with me on Twitter!

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My dream partner and I just won six gold medals!

Posted on 12 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

K, sounds like I’m bragging. Mostly, I’m just really happy to share with you. My partner James and I just skated really well at the ISI Adult national figure skating championships and brought home 9 medals, six of them gold. To see the press release and the photos, just go to Feel free to comment!

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I want you to know that YOU can have your dreams too. I want my stories to inspire you. For us, it wasn’t about winning gold medals. Those are nice. But it was about the challenge of seeing how “present” we could both be in our respective skating events.

Those that have been with me in a live event know that I like to say, “Whoever has the biggest energy, wins!” To be honest, I didn’t feel all that well all week, but I wanted to see how I’d fare by just focusing on the moment and the artistry I wanted to create out there for the audience.

Well, it worked.

For James, it was his first singles competition. After an initial stumble, he was able to focus and complete the rest of his program flawlessly, the best he’d ever done. Not only that, he looked “hot” in his skating outfit (he blushes when I say this to people because he usually dislikes wearing tight clothes – ha ha ha!)


This Law of Attraction stuff/personal growth stuff really works!

Life isn’t perfect, but what’s really cool is that if you let go of perfection and are willing and open to experiencing whatever is going on to the fullest, you’ll be the happiest person alive!

Dr. Karen Kan

PS. Remember to check out the recordings of all the 2009 teleseminar series on our MEMBERSHIP site. Here’s the list of teleseminar topics:

Membership is currently just $9.97/month and we add content each month.

We’ll be announcing this month’s topic shortly! The call is next week. Stay tuned.

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Are You Reaching Your Full Potential?

Posted on 09 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

I know this is a relationship site, but I DO want to share with you a VERY special program I attended in 2006 that changed my life. You can see what I said about it by going to this video (would love your vote and comments by the way!):

What do most couples fight about?

Yup, you guessed it, MONEY! Well after going to this program, I wished I had known about this money psychology stuff years ago when I was married to my first husband! It would have saved a heck of a lot of arguments and resentment. It is an interactive experience where you’ll get down and dirty learning and rewiring your RELATIONSHIP to money.

See, it is about relationships after all!

Do yourself a favor and save yourself arguments with your “ideal partner” by reading the letter below:

If your finances are not where you’d like them to be, a lack of money is not the problem; it is merely a symptom of the problem.

If you believe that the next job opportunity, genius business idea or economic shift will improve your financial status, finally bringing you the success you deserve – you’re kidding yourself. No outside influence or opportunity will make or sustain your success.

Isn’t it time to finally learn what’s holding you back?

The Millionaire Mind Intensive is a revolutionary 3-day seminar that will teach you the secret that rich people know: it’s not skill, luck, or education that keeps the rich getting richer while you’re in the same situation year after year. It’s CONDITIONING.

I went to this event and it changed my life! Watch this video to hear what it did for me, rate it 5 stars if you like it and leave me a comment:

Come to the Millionaire Mind Intensive to learn what’s holding you back from the success you deserve.

World Famous Wealth Creation Seminar – Coming to a City Near You

Join the nearly 1 million people whose lives have been positively changed forever by the teachings of T. Harv Eker. Register for the Millionaire Mind Intensive 3-day seminar.

Enter reference number: 232364 when you register at:
or call Client Care at 1.888.868.8883

IMPORTANT: Quote the following reference number so that the person who referred you gets credit for promoting the event: 232364


There are a million reasons to join us, but a limited number of opportunities. Register for the seminar closest to you now.


– San Francisco, CA – October 16-18, 2009
– Calgary, AB – October 16-18, 2009
– Atlanta, GA – October 23-25, 2009
– Dallas, TX – October 23-25, 2009
– Denver, CO – November 6-8, 2009
– Chicago, IL – November 6-8, 2009
– Los Angeles, CA – November 13-15, 2009
– East Rutherford, NJ – November 20-22, 2009
– Miami, FL – November 20-22, 2009
– Toronto, ON – November 27-29, 2009
– Salt Lake City, UT – December 3-5, 2009
– Phoenix, AZ – December 4-6, 2009

Don’t Miss the World-Famous Millionaire Mind Intensive

At this transformational 3-day seminar, you’ll learn how to:

– Stop the blame game and take control of your financial future
– Focus on making a fortune while others are focused on fear
– Create your own personal economy that thrives at all times
– Make money while you sleep with massive, passive income
– Create and maintain wealth with the strategies of the rich

Register NOW to take advantage of early-bird prices. These courses will sell out fast!

Enter reference number: 232364 when you register at:
or call Client Care at 1.888.868.8883

If you’re serious about creating a life of abundance, then register for the Millionaire Mind Intensive today.

Dr. Karen Kan

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Hi, it’s Dr. Karen and I need your vote!

Posted on 07 October 2009 by Dr. Karen

Have you ever had the experience of something changing your life so profoundly that you wanted to share it with the world? Well, that happened to me after I attended Peak Potentials Millionaire Mind Intensive. Even though the focus was “money”, what I realized was that the REAL focus was about my RELATIONSHIP with money.

You see my relationship with money was on very “bad terms”. Little did I realize until I took that transformative three-day weekend course (which was practically FREE), that my negative thoughts about money would prevent me from fully manifesting abundance in OTHER areas of my life including health.

Well, I need your help because my teacher, T. Harv Eker, just created a video contest for us graduates. We really want to get the word out on just how important this personal growth work really is. So what I’d like you to do is simple:

Please go to my YouTube video: T. Harv Eker and Dr. Karen Karen: and VOTE 5 stars AND write a few positive comments below! That’s it!

The more comments and ratings I get, the more likely my video will be chosen to win…which means the better I can serve everyone including YOU.

I would like to thank you in advance for helping me out!! It really means a lot!

Dr. Karen Kan

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