Archive | September, 2009


Getting Fresh With Me

Posted on 30 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

What did you think of that video on relationships from Marcia?

She’s pretty fresh eh?

Well, she now tells me that was just a primer for the video she really wanted to share with you.

It’s just been posted and it’s all about how to get what you really want out of a relationship.

It’s simple stuff and she communicates it so clearly and so playfully that you’ll see this showing up in your life no matter what your relationship status.

Go and enjoy it now.

Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. – Marcia also does a hilarious rendition of why a guy is like a cold car in winter. You are going to love it!

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Dear Dr. Karen: I Think My Wife is Depressed – What Do I Do?

Posted on 28 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dr. Karen,

My wife has not been herself for over a year now. She is a Realtor and her career has been in the tank to say the least. She has asked for a separation several times in the last year. We are now separated and the last time she got bad news at work she told me we would be getting a divorce. I feel she may be suffering from depression (I am no expert). She will not listen to me. What should can I do. I LOVE HER!!!


Dear Brian,

I hear your deep love and concern for your wife. You may be accurate that she may be suffering from depression. Here are some tell-tale signs:

– Crying spells or pronounced irritability
– Unnatural weight gain or loss
– Depressed mood for over 3 weeks
– Losing interest in things she loved (hobbies)
– Poor appetite
– Less socialization with friends
– Suicidal threats/thoughts

If she will not listen to you, then I suggest that unless you feel she is a suicidal threat, it would be best to respect her wishes. Let her know that you love her and are concerned that she may be suffering from depression, but since she doesn’t want to be in relationship with you, you will respect her wishes for distance. However, encourage her to connect with good friends for support since you won’t be there.

You’ll have to use your intuition on this one. You may wish to contact a mutual trusted friend or two and share your concern about possible depression. Ask them to give her emotional support and encourage her to see a doctor if they are agreeable. If you know her doctor, you can also call or write to her doctor with your concerns, but let your wife know when you do. The tricky part is that she may consider your actions invasive so you MUST have your intentions clear. You are NOT contacting your friends to spy on her or to force her to do anything. You are just requesting support and then giving your wife the space she feels she needs from you.

If you are overly invasive, your wife will push you further away. She’ll be able to sense your “attachment” to getting back together. You can let her know that you’re open to doing what you can to support her and you’ll do your very best to give her the space she feels she needs. Tell her that she can contact you if she wishes but you’ll refrain from contacting her unless absolutely necessary.

Then what I suggest for you is to get your own counselor. Model the behavior you’d like to see, even if she doesn’t know you’re seeing one. Energetically, you’ll be helping both of you by seeking help yourself. You’re feeling loss, so you can’t help her if you don’t get support as well.

Here’s one exercise that can do wonders while you are giving your wife “space”: Every day, in private, journal all the things you appreciate about her. Write down what her strengths are, what you enjoy about her and how she makes you feel. In doing this exercise, you are literally sending her healing energy waves that will help her depression if she indeed suffers from it. She’ll begin feeling relaxed and calmer when she thinks about you rather than angry and resentful.

One thing I want you to keep in mind, Brian. When I was separating from my husband, I was depressed as well. The reason was this: because of my culture and religion, I believed I was “bad” by choosing to separate. But I couldn’t stand being “ill” any longer, so I finally separated from my husband. When I finally felt I had a choice and I was making the right choice for me (despite arguments from my husband and my parents), my depression magically disappeared without having to take any drugs. Did I get help? You betcha! I had a team of counselors, healers and enlightened friends that supported me. I didn’t do it without support!

So Brian, lovingly give her “virtual” support through your Appreciation Journaling. Believe me, it works wonders if you are doing it with clear and unattached intention.

Dr. Karen Kan

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This is Hilarious!

Posted on 24 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

I just got sent this great video on Relationships from Marcia Martin and I nearly fell off my chair watching it.

If you want to hear a really fresh perspective on the differences between Men and Women and how we relate to each other check this out.

Marcia is hilarious and what she shares is so on the mark that you will be laughing your head off the whole way through.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Oh, and if you don’t know who Marcia Martin is, she is one of the original pioneers of the human potential movement and has been training people to live extraordinary lives for over 30 years.

Trust me, she’s good.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: How Can I Help My Alcoholic Husband?

Posted on 21 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

Here’s a great letter from Jan:

Dear Dr. Karen,

How do I help my husband, who is an alcoholic? I’m at my wits end. I’m tired of being married to him but I stay because I want to keep my family together.


Dear Jan,

What you face is uncomfortable and unfortunately very common. Do you ever wonder why you’re in this situation?

Here’s the answer:

You attracted an alcoholic husband so that you could heal a deep part of yourself that needs healing from childhood. Your husband is a mirror. He represents a part of you that you have rejected and do not love fully.

We call that The Shadow. To learn more about the shadow, I highly recommend that you view this film (preferably with your husband when he is sober and if he is agreeable), The Shadow Effect.

Everyone that we attract into our lives represents different facets of ourselves (the Law of Attraction). Our relationships can either be life-affirming or not. Some of the people we attract are representations of our Shadow. Your husband is one of those people.

I’m assuming you have children when you refer to your “family”. Your number one responsibility as a parent to your child is to lovingly model what you would like their lives to be. No matter what you SAY or TELL them to do, they will, on some level, model after one parent or the other (or both).

So what are you modeling right now?

Are you happy? I can see that you are not. So as each day goes by, you are teaching your children how to be unhappy. This may sound harsh, but I want to level with you.

Unless you get some support (and I mean MAJOR support) in your life right now to make some changes, you are literally sentencing those you love, your children, to a very difficult future. They will not have a healthy model of how to be happy. They will not have a healthy model of how to have a healthy love relationship.

You are so afraid of breaking up your family that you suffer from your inaction to do anything about it. Guess what? You’re family is already breaking up. You just can’t see it because you are willing to live this lie in front of your children in the guise that it is good for them.

It is not.

They know. Maybe not on a conscious level, but the negativity is seeping into their pores and you are letting it happen.

Do you love them enough to change?

Do you love them enough to do whatever it takes to figure out how to be happy so that you can model authentic joy and love?

Do you love them enough to stop waiting for your husband to change and instead, get some real help so that you can live the life of joy you were meant to live.

If what I say causes tears, I understand. If you were standing here in front of me, I would give you a hug, then hold you by the shoulders and look deeply into your eyes and tell you,

“You can do it. You are not alone. I believe in you. You will find a way.”

So to answer your question more directly, here’s my advice:

1. Get support. Call a trusted friend and have her take you to an Al-Anon meeting every week. You won’t feel like you’re all alone anymore.

2. Read Melanie Beatty’s book, Co-Dependent No More starting tomorrow. And when you’re done, read the next book, Beyond Co-dependency. You can find these at the Law of Attraction in Love Bookstore.

3. Write down your intentions on exactly HOW you want your life to look…and make sure none of what you wish to manifest depends on your husband changing anything.

4. With the support of your Al-Anon or a counselor, take action to change your life. Your dream will not manifest without action.

From the patients I have had that have gone through what you’re going through and come out the other side, I can share with you that “breaking up your family” is one of the least harmful things you can do.

I can guarantee your husband WON’T change if you don’t. If you do decide to leave him, expect begging and pleading and promises to change. If you love him sober and wish to be with him that way, then consider waiting for at least six months of sobriety and AA meetings (for him) before you even entertain the notion of moving back in with him.

Sometimes, when an alcoholic knows that he is going to lose everything he value most, it is the motivation they need to change. Sometimes, it isn’t enough. But if that’s the case, then you know that you and the children don’t rank (and why would you want to stay in that kind of relationship anyway?)

I wish you the best. Go get some help today!

When you get a chance please connect with me on FaceBook and Twitter.

Dr. Karen Kan

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This Month’s Teleseminar: The Language of Abundance – Change Your Language, Transform Your Life

Posted on 17 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

I’m really excited for this month’s teleseminar, The Language of Abundance – Change Your Language, Transform Your Life. Why? Because I know that one of the simplist things you can do to create a life of abundance is to change the words you use in daily conversation.

Each word you know is composed of a vibration. It is a vibration accorded by you when you say it or even THINK it. These vibrations can either build you up (make you stronger and vibrate stronger) or pull you down (make you weaker). The stronger your vibration, the more likely you will manifest what you want rather than what you don’t want.

I’m amazed at how easily I catch myself saying old phrases that I know now will weaken my vibration. When I catch myself, I change the word immediately. There is no stress involved when I change the word but just an awareness of my choice.

So I really want you to join me on this month’s FREE teleseminar where I will be describing the language that we need to change to manifest more abundance. The cool thing is that you get to practice. So bring along a pen and journal for the teleseminar!

Words have power.

Being conscious of the words we use is a great tool to manifest our dreams.

Here are the details:

September 17, TODAY 7:30 PM EST
Conference Call Number: 712-432-3900
Access Code 7677512#

Talk to you then!
Dr. Karen Kan

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Attraction: How Women Can Find Their Glow

Posted on 15 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

Were you listening in on the Law of Attraction in Love Radio show? If not you can listen to it free here: I interviewed Sandra Yancey of eWomenNetwork about the new movie, The Glow Project.

If you’re a woman struggling to find her way, her purpose, her “light” then this movie will inspire you. Every woman featured in this movie has been through trauma and strife and have come out on top as successful, happy people. The “glow” they have comes from how they worked through their struggles and found their true SELF.

Even if you’ve already been described as “glowing” by others around you, you can help other women by letting them know about the Glow Project. Girls, teens, men, boys…all can benefit from watching this movie.

There is a five minute trailer right on the website. Watch it. Let me know what you think by commenting on my blog post.

For me, it took becoming disabled from fibromyalgia, dissolving a marriage before I finally found my glow. It was hard at the time, but I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything! Being attractive and having that “glow” is about learning to discover and develop your inner essence as a woman and sharing it with the rest of the world.

You can help heal the world with your GLOW.

By the way, men LOVE the movie, so share it with all the men in your life who love you.

Let me know what you think!

Dr. Karen Kan

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Radio Show Monday: The Glow Project

Posted on 14 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

How is it that some women are wildly successful, while others, with the same relative education, experience, passion and goals for success, struggle? We all have the same amount of hours in a day, yet some are able to accomplish so much more. What is it that they do so differently? What is it that they possess that is unique? What is it that makes them GLOW?

There is a powerful essence inside of every woman—a critical ingredient that only women possess. When realized, nurtured and expanded, it becomes the key to true happiness and success. You deserve happiness, fulfillment, and the opportunity to achieve wild success. STOP what you are doing. Take a breath, and connect with your GLOW.

The GLOW Project has brought together prominent corporate achievers and dynamic entrepreneurs, to share with you how they manifest, unleash and expand GLOW. Witness their struggles and pain and their strategies for success. By focusing on GLOW, they are fulfilling their destinies and achieving more success than they ever imagined. These women exude the kind of grace, confidence and strength that every woman can achieve, while also being mothers, daughters, wives and leaders. The GLOW Project will ignite your spirit and inspire your dreams.

The GLOW Project will show you that, no matter how hard you work, no matter how hard you try, you can never achieve your full potential and happiness without GLOW. GLOW is your birth right as women. Your essence, your passion and your dreams can no longer be denied. You are brilliant, magnificent, and unequalled! Embrace your essence and forever live in GLOW. See and experience the GLOW Project movie. Watch the trailer below and join me for an interview with Sandra Yancey who is a big part of this movie on Blog Talk Radio Monday 14th at 12 noon EDT.

Sandra Yancey is an award winning entrepreneur, international business owner, ABC radio show host, author and philanthropist who is dedicated to helping women achieve and succeed. CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 Show featured Sandra as an American Hero for her role in mobilizing much needed resources for the girl’s high school basketball team of Pass Christian, Mississippi in the wake of the Hurricane Katrina devastation. As the visionary leader of eWomenNetwork, she travels annually to cities across North America to connect with women entrepreneurs face-to-face to help them accelerate the growth of their businesses.

Here are the details:

September 14, Monday, 12 NN EDT or 9 AM PDT

Call in number: 347-945-6313
Hit “1″ if you’d like me to see your “hand up” to ask a question

The show will be broadcast live at Anyone can download the show free of charge afterwards in case you missed it.

Here’s the trailer for the movie!

Every woman needs to watch this movie!

No matter what traumas or set-backs you’ve experienced in your life, you CAN succeed in love, life and joy. The women in this film will inspire you. Join Sandra and I on the show. Call in live to ask a questions or to share your story.

Dr. Karen Kan

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The Art of Receiving (Your Dream Partner)

Posted on 13 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

I didn’t want another day to go by without me saying thank you for all you do to help singles like myself to find our soulmate. I listen to your blogs and just two days ago right after you sent your email; I purchase The Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford. and I am reading it and writing lots of notes and going all out in creating a Feng Shui love nest for my soulmate. In the meanitime I am enjoying the beauty I am creating. I know he is on his way and I have just finished a ritual that Arielle suggested of a salt bath to forgive past loves and myself. At the moment I am listening to Gregorian chants that I have had for years. It seems everything is falling into place. Today two men tried to pick me up and although I wasn’t interested in any of them. I was nice to both. Funny they both try to do so while I was reading Arielle’s book. One saying to me, ” You are beautiful., I have never seen you before … it is like you are from another planet. And so it that the magic that I am creating is being picked up. I have promised and WILL do two little afternoon teas for other single women in Toronto Canada telling them about you and your website, Bill White and Arielle Ford and many more. on how they can do a few things to clear the way for their soulmate to arrive. The teas will be free I will provide teas, savouries and sweets and share what I have learned. What the world needs is for all of ust to continue to manifest more love for one and all and to be happy.

Keeping doing the work you do Dr. Kan.

Lady Claire/Clarita


There is an art to receiving. Many of us were taught when we were young, that it was “better to give than to receive”. Have you heard that before? It wasn’t until recently that one of my teachers, T. Harv Eker, pointed out that the real saying goes something like: “It is better to be in the position to give than in the position to need to receive”. A completely different meaning!!

What if everyone in the world were givers only? Who would be there to receive?

How do you feel when you give something to someone from your heart? It usually feels really good doesn’t it? I know I get very excited and happy shopping for my mother because I know her tastes and I love surprising her with a gift she didn’t expect. My mom is usually thrilled with my choice and I feel really good about giving it to her and receiving her apprecation.

So if you have been taught that it is better to give than to receive, it is high time that you “erase” that non-supportive belief from your belief files. By not being able to “receive” you rob another person (or The Universe) the joy of giving you something. Giving and receiving is a 50:50 proposition!

How many times have you received a compliment…only to defect the compliment by making a compliment of your own? I’ve done it thousands of times. I never knew I was robbing that person of their “gift”. If you’ve made this “mistake”, you can undo it starting today. Commit to being a better receiver. When someone gives you a compliment, smile, let that acknowledgement wash over you, and say thank you. Avoid the urge to give a compliment back.

In my eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life, we explore the other ways in which you can learn the art of receiving. Learning how to receive in one area of your life spills over to all areas of your life (including relationships and money!)

To Your Happiness,
Dr. Karen

P.S. I feel so strongly about this “giving-receiving” balance, that I actually made a t-shirt about it! you can check it out here

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Dear Dr. Karen: How can I use the Law of Attraction to improve the relationship that I already have?

Posted on 10 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,

How can I use the Law of Attraction to improve the relationship that I already have. I KNOW that we were meant to be together due to numerous reasons and synchronicities that I continue to see everyday, but I feel that my fiancee is afraid of this due to her past traumas and being unloved in childhood. She runs away, but at the same time she cannot let go. I have also tried to walk away but cannot. The result is we are at a constant stalemate. Can the Law of Attraction help to bring this relationship to bring about the changes needed to break down the resistance and overcome the things keeping us apart?


Dear Ken,

Intend the type of relationship you wish to have with your fiancee. Your greatest gift to her is loving her exactly the way she is, with all the fears and insecurities she may have. She has attracted you into her life to be a mirror. You can treat her differently from all the other people who has let her down in the past. The relationship is a form of healing for both of you if you can see it that way.

Instead of wanting her to change because you think she (and you) would feel better, see if you can be inquisitive about what makes her tick. The Law of Attraction works in this way – the more unconditional the love you can have towards your fiancee, the more that kind of love will return to you. Don’t try to change her. You’re not her therapist and you shouldn’t put yourself in that role.

What would help even more is that YOU get counseling or coaching. You would set an example for her. If she sees how much happier you are when you are working on your own “stuff”, then maybe, just maybe, she’ll be inspired to delve into her own “stuff” and clear it once and for all.

Too often we are trying too hard to tell others how they can change to be happier instead of focusing on our OWN stuff. So Ken, how CAN you be happier with your fiancee without needing her to change? There is no such thing as a real stalemate. You are either growing or dying. Which is it?

Take the initiative to grow yourself. Don’t wait for her to change or even give her the sense that you wish her to change. It will be counterproductive. Instead, give her what she has never received, unconditional love AND acceptance. And may she be inspired by your example.

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Are Dating Conventions and Speed Dating Just Gimmicks?

Posted on 01 September 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dr. Kan,

Something is wrong with society when people in large cities become so disconnected with each other that they have to go to conventions, join internet dating sites, engage in speed dating, and other gimmicks, just to open the door for the possibility of dating with each other. This is insanity in my opinion. My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles didn’t engage in this insanity as a way to form relationships. They simply communicated with people and connected with those they had something in common with. If there was enough common ground they decided if they wanted to take it further and formed relationships or went their separate ways. Simple, simple, simple. Dating should not be so complicated and all of these gimmicks just take something that is supposed to be natural and turn it into an unnatural and overly complicated event.


Dear Floyd,
I understand what you are saying. I read your letter live to ask Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks, my guest for today’s Law of Attraction in Love Radio Show, so you may wish to listen to her take on the subject. I’ll take the liberty here to summarize from both our perspectives.
Relationships in the past were no more conscious than they are now. In fact, in the past the roles of men and women were vastly different than they are today and most would not vote to return to the past where women didn’t vote or just were raised to be childcare workers.
The truth is that we all are in our infancy when it comes to developing conscious, co-committed relationships. Our parents or grandparents were just as ill-equipped in relationship skills as we are now, so not a lot has changed. What has changed, of course is the form. Our technology has grown way ahead of our skills in the conscious relating arena. We need to “catch up” so to speak in our relationship skills in order to make best use of whatever form of getting together we have.

We can’t really regress “back” to the way things were with our grandparents or parents and personally I wouldn’t want to. My grandparents were in an arranged marriage and fought tooth and nail throughout their entire existence together. They had no choices when it came to who they had to spend the rest of their lives with. There were a lot of “rules” and “obligations” that made neither partner particularly happy or fulfilled.
People were not as mobile or “global” as they are now and life in general is just moving faster and faster. Romanticizing the “past” of how people got together doesn’t really help us in today’s society.
What is most valuable, however, is the commitment to one’s own journey to self-love and wholeness. Regardless of the form of dating, the commitment to conscious loving and the follow through with action is what is most important. What that means is that we CAN both create conscious loving relationships through both the “old ways” of dating and the “new” because it isn’t the form that matters, but the person using the form. Does that make sense?
For more details, I highly encourage you to listen to the full radio show interview with Dr. Katie where you can download the whole interview for free at
Dr. Karen Kan

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