Have you ever been rejected? once? maybe twice? how about over and over again?
If you have, you’re not alone. I’ve blogged previously about Handling Rejection in a previous blog article and I received some of the best feedback for that blog entry, so if you haven’t read it, I’d encourage you to do so.
But I’m writing about rejection once more because yesterday I was rejected (again!), and wanted to share what happened so that maybe my personal process will help you in yours. Here’s the story:
I had intentioned to be asked to be a speaker at a prestigious event in November. It was going to be a great honor and I had set my sights on being invited. Much to my surprise, that invitation came quickly as I spoke to the President of the company in question who asked me to speak at the event during a phone meeting I had with him last week.
I was elated! I savoured the satisfaction of my intention coming “true” and without much “effort” on my part. Then when I emailed later in the week details on the upcoming event, the Event Planner emailed me back and told me that unfortunately the speaker schedule was really tight and that they were sorry that they couldn’t use me any more.
OK, first I was elated, then I was stumped. Then a bit miffed at “them” for rejecting me!
What happened? I thought.
My natural tendency and probably yours too when you are rejected it to ask oneself,
What did I do wrong? Why didn’t they want me? Was I too enthusiastic? Too pushy? etc.
But just as those conditioned thoughts entered my mind, I remembered that I didn’t have to BELIEVE them. Instead I began coaching myself and telling myself that the decision to reject me was not personal. I suddenly stopped asking why. And my “miffed” feeling left me.
That was interesting!
Nevertheless, I was left with the feeling of….disappointment. I realized that I had become “attached” to the outcome (isn’t it amazing how quickly attachment can happen?).
So I had a couple of choices. In the past, I would have admonished myself for feeling disappointed. Why? Because the movie, The Secret (the first law of attraction movie made) seemed to insinuate that we should feel happy all of the time and that feeling negative feelings were “bad” for us.
However, the more “enlightened” me knew that if I tried to banish my disappointment and treat it as a leper, it would likely come back to bite me in the butt later on. That is how the Shadow (www.theshadoweffect.com) works if you don’t acknowledge and accept it.
So the first thing on my agenda was to “accept” my feelings of disappointment and forgive myself for being “attached” to the outcome of my desires. Given that I have had a lifelong practice of pushing negative feelings under the rug, one of things I allow myself to do these days is to actually FEEL the so-called negative feelings.
The difference here, though, is that I feel it on purpose. That is, I do it consciously. Rather than reluctantly or out of a belief that I have no choice. See the difference?
So that’s what I did. I announced to my dear dream partner, James, that I was consciously allowing myself to wallow in self-pity and disappointment for a while, fully knowing that it would pass. What I did not allow was believing any judgment that came up about why I got rejected. When I began to judge the “other party” for not hiring me, I let that thought pass and didn’t believe in it either. It wasn’t their fault or my fault. Fault-finding is definitely NOT helpful or self-compassionate! Remember that clue when you are harnessing the Law of Attraction to do your bidding!
A funny thing happened (but not entirely unexpected) soon after choosing to experience wallowing self-pity.
Almost within 1 minute of the words leaving my lips saying that I was CHOOSING to feel disappointment for a while, the FEELING began to dissipate. I didn’t mean for it to leave. It just started leaving on its own accord. Even though I was fully prepared for the onslaught of uncomfortable feelings, they seemed to release from me. And I began to laugh.
Yes, I began to laugh!
It dawned on me that for 40 years of my life, I had been working so very hard NOT to feel negative feelings and had only managed to keep them at bay, festering under the surface. Decades of disappointment, anger, resentment, sadness, fear….all trapped under a facade of smiles, finally managed to topple me over into illness half a decade ago. Thank goodness for the Universe’s wisdom to let the illness guide my way back to the Truth.
So, if you’ve been trying hard…too hard, to stop feeling bad or to stop thinking negative thoughts, maybe you need a different tact.
When things don’t work out the way we want them to, we can either resist “what is” or we can just make up a different story or perception that serves us. We can either judge or we can accept. And how we accept is to trust that the Universe has a higher purpose. That when we are rejected, it is because the “thing” we want is not in full alignment with our values, with our vibration.
So when we let go emotionally of what is probably not in our highest and best interest, we create a vacuum into which the Universe can fill what truly IS in our best interest.
Please join me this Thursday July 16th for this month’s Law of Attraction in Love FREE Teleseminar: Dealing with Negative Thoughts, where I’ll be discussing all the various ways you can free yourself from the anchor of negativity. Go to the Monthly Teleseminar page for more details.
Dr. Karen Kan