Hi Dr. Karen,
I love your articles and your radio shows!! I am an avid student of the law of attraction and have been actively working on manifesting my ideal partner. I’ve made my laundry list and done release work on past relationships, I’ve gotten clear, am doing visualization and affirmations and am doing things in my life that I love, I remain true to myself and am doing all I can to trust in the Universe. At the beginning of the year, right after I completed my list I met a great guy and we had so much in common- we were working together on a show, and we both are from the same small town in the south and now living in California, he was physically and inwardly what I asked for and his personality was sweet, respectful and funny and when we looked at each other there were sparks!
But under the circumstances we didn’t exchange numbers, although everyone around us could see the chemistry, and I thought I’d never see him again. I continued to work on myself, make space and visualize the right guy for me- the one with all the qualities I want. Months passed and then randomly by total coincidence I ran into him again, apparently according to friends he saw me and turned around to come talk to me, this time I ask for his number ( which I never do! But I felt the Universe was asking me to step outside my comfort zone). Again, the friend I was with could see the chemistry and told me he had the look in his eyes for me, ”He’s totally smitten” I think is how she put it.
It took about a week for him to call and when he did he told me he had a girlfriend and so was sorry he gave me the wrong impression but offered to be friends. I was cordial but obviously disappointed. I may have liked to be friends but out of respect for his girlfriend I didn’t want to be ”that girl”- seeing as I have feelings that are more than friendly on my end. We haven’t spoken since. Months have passed again and I remain true to my list and envisioning my ideal partner.
I’ve listened to all your archived radio blogs..and I revised my list and added ”unattached and available to be in a relationship”. That very day, I see him again at the store, he was with his girlfriend so I had to duck and cover and get out of there. I am left again a little disappointed…I’m not quite sure what the Universe is doing to me. I keep running into this handsome gentleman and it’s not like I live in a small town!
So I’m left a little let down because I go home alone and have to really trust that my guy is on his way…I have to keep to telling myself ”Ok, this isn’t the guy. He’s not available for you.” But you know when you look at someone and there’s sparks and then you talk to them and everything flows and you have all these little things in common….and then you just wish ”wouldn’t it be nice if”…only to come back to reality and know logically they are not available to you! I’m a beautiful, talented, sweet and fun person and am wondering what I’m doing wrong?
Is the Universe trying to point something out to me? If so, what? I know that there’s a reason for everything and maybe he’s not right for me for some reason I’m not aware of that the Universe knows but how do I stop these ”why not me’s”? Or at least get some handle on why I’m attracting a guy who is attached when I keep affirming ”I am now in a loving relationship with my ideal partner”. I’d love your help or any thoughts!!
Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
-Hatley
Dear Hatley,
Firstly I would like to appreciate you for being such a great “student” in personal growth and law of attraction. And I’m so happy you have received value from my material!
There are no major flags that come up when it comes to your situation. The only small one is the question, “what am I doing wrong?” which is a pretty common one I have to say and a question I, myself, was addicted to asking not that long ago! By asking that question, “ what am I doing wrong”, it is like questioning the wisdom of the Universe! You feel that there is something wrong because you are staring at an undesirable result over and over again, right?
Yet, all is perfect. And it is up to you to see the perfection in it. To perceive the perfection in it.
So let’s play a game. Since I am not familiar with your past, let’s pretend for a moment that your current situation is a mirror to your past. Ask yourself:
What significant person (likely parent etc.) was unavailable to me as a child? How were they unavailable? What would I have preferred? How is that mirrored today?
Have I ever been in a situation where I really wanted to be with someone else but was too afraid to be alone so I stuck with who I was with even though the relationship wasn’t serving either of us?
Ask yourself these other questions:
Why did I run out of the store? Did I not deserve to be in that space? Can I not just be who I am in the moment no matter what situation crops up? What was I afraid of? Of being perceived by the intuitive girlfriend as the “other” woman? Of feeling that attraction again and being disappointed? What was I running from?
What I am sensing is that there is still a little bit of “all or nothing” thinking going on, Hatley. Let’s see if you can shift it to “inclusive” thinking. Imagine this scenario for a moment and see if it resonates with you on some level:
This attractive man keeps showing up in your life over and over again. There are sparks of chemistry that you two feel. (by the way, from reading my other blog entries, you’ll remember that chemistry does not equal dream partner material all the time…it just means chemistry). Can you imagine a reality where you can bathe yourself in that sexual chemistry energy around this man and yet be totally unattached to him having to do anything other than just being the radiant person he is in your life? Can you imagine just a mutual appreciation party without any girlfriend/boyfriend or sexual connotations?
I’m sure it took him some guts to call you and level with you that he had a girlfriend. You don’t have to accept his friendship offer it is too challenging for you to have him in your life in any other capacity than romantic. He knows your feelings already, so if things are meant to be, he will make a move. If not, then his purpose is this: to spark your juices so that you can USE that energy to your advantage. It is like FUEL for your manifesting!
Use it!
What I’ve found is that in the past, when I was “with” someone in a committed relationship, I would “block” my feminine essence, my goddess essence, from other males for fear that they would either come on to me or that I would be perceived as promiscuous or non-committal. Since that time, I’ve realized that I have been missing out on a whole lot of energy sharing with others because I’ve put up those walls.
It’s only been very recently that I’ve been able to shine my goddess “light”, so to speak, even when my partner is not present. What was I afraid of? I was afraid of being taken advantage of. I was afraid of being seen only as a sexual object. I was afraid of not being respected for my true self, I was afraid of having to reciprocate the appreciation! The list goes on and on! Geesh!
What a relief not to have to literally block the flow of sexual energy emanating from me and to me any longer. And what I’ve found is that receiving the energy is utterly wonderful. And I don’t have to respond in any other pre-determined way except by being authentic and true to self.
Sharing sexual energies without sex is completely and utterly a healing path. There doesn’t need to be any touching or even any flirting involved. It is JUST an energy. We don’t have to take it so seriously. I suspect that in our higher consciousness futures, (OK, I might get flack for writing this publically!) we will all let go of our possessive natures and jealousies and will freely allow and support the mingling of powerful sexual energies. I bet you that if there were advanced or highly evolved beings in our midst, they’d tell us the same thing!
Maybe this experience is for you to get out of judgment and just enjoy the feeling…and know that this feeling gives you the BLUEPRINT for the person who currently being “groomed” by the Universe to be your next perfect match. Just Enjoy! You’re at that higher level now.
Blessings,
Dr. Karen
