Archive | June, 2009

Dear Dr. Karen: Why Do I Keep Attracting The Same Handsome But Unavailable Guy?

Posted on 29 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

Hi Dr. Karen,
I love your articles and your radio shows!! I am an avid student of the law of attraction and have been actively working on manifesting my ideal partner. I’ve made my laundry list and done release work on past relationships, I’ve gotten clear, am doing visualization and affirmations and am doing things in my life that I love, I remain true to myself and am doing all I can to trust in the Universe. At the beginning of the year, right after I completed my list I met a great guy and we had so much in common- we were working together on a show, and we both are from the same small town in the south and now living in California, he was physically and inwardly what I asked for and his personality was sweet, respectful and funny and when we looked at each other there were sparks! 
But under the circumstances we didn’t exchange numbers, although everyone around us could see the chemistry, and I thought I’d never see him again. I continued to work on myself, make space and visualize the right guy for me- the one with all the qualities I want. Months passed and then randomly by total coincidence I ran into him again, apparently according to friends he saw me and turned around to come talk to me, this time I ask for his number ( which I never do! But I felt the Universe was asking me to step outside my comfort zone). Again, the friend I was with could see the chemistry and told me he had the look in his eyes for me, ”He’s totally smitten” I think is how she put it.
It took about a week for him to call and when he did he told me he had a girlfriend and so was sorry he gave me the wrong impression but offered to be friends. I was cordial but obviously disappointed. I may have liked to be friends but out of respect for his girlfriend I didn’t want to be ”that girl”- seeing as I have feelings that are more than friendly on my end. We haven’t spoken since. Months have passed again and I remain true to my list and envisioning my ideal partner.
I’ve listened to all your archived radio blogs..and I revised my list and added ”unattached and available to be in a relationship”. That very day, I see him again at the store, he was with his girlfriend so I had to duck and cover and get out of there. I am left again a little disappointed…I’m not quite sure what the Universe is doing to me. I keep running into this handsome gentleman and it’s not like I live in a small town!
So I’m left a little let down because I go home alone and have to really trust that my guy is on his way…I have to keep to telling myself ”Ok, this isn’t the guy. He’s not available for you.” But you know when you look at someone and there’s sparks and then you talk to them and everything flows and you have all these little things in common….and then you just wish ”wouldn’t it be nice if”…only to come back to reality and know logically they are not available to you! I’m a beautiful, talented, sweet and fun person and am wondering what I’m doing wrong?
Is the Universe trying to point something out to me? If so, what? I know that there’s a reason for everything and maybe he’s not right for me for some reason I’m not aware of that the Universe knows but how do I stop these ”why not me’s”? Or at least get some handle on why I’m attracting a guy who is attached when I keep affirming ”I am now in a loving relationship with my ideal partner”. I’d love your help or any thoughts!!
Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Dear Hatley,
Firstly I would like to appreciate you for being such a great “student” in personal growth and law of attraction. And I’m so happy you have received value from my material!
There are no major flags that come up when it comes to your situation. The only small one is the question, “what am I doing wrong?” which is a pretty common one I have to say and a question I, myself, was addicted to asking not that long ago! By asking that question, “ what am I doing wrong”, it is like questioning the wisdom of the Universe! You feel that there is something wrong because you are staring at an undesirable result over and over again, right?
Yet, all is perfect. And it is up to you to see the perfection in it. To perceive the perfection in it.
So let’s play a game. Since I am not familiar with your past, let’s pretend for a moment that your current situation is a mirror to your past. Ask yourself:
What significant person (likely parent etc.) was unavailable to me as a child? How were they unavailable? What would I have preferred? How is that mirrored today?
Have I ever been in a situation where I really wanted to be with someone else but was too afraid to be alone so I stuck with who I was with even though the relationship wasn’t serving either of us?

Ask yourself these other questions:
Why did I run out of the store? Did I not deserve to be in that space? Can I not just be who I am in the moment no matter what situation crops up? What was I afraid of? Of being perceived by the intuitive girlfriend as the “other” woman? Of feeling that attraction again and being disappointed? What was I running from?
What I am sensing is that there is still a little bit of “all or nothing” thinking going on, Hatley. Let’s see if you can shift it to “inclusive” thinking. Imagine this scenario for a moment and see if it resonates with you on some level:
This attractive man keeps showing up in your life over and over again. There are sparks of chemistry that you two feel. (by the way, from reading my other blog entries, you’ll remember that chemistry does not equal dream partner material all the time…it just means chemistry). Can you imagine a reality where you can bathe yourself in that sexual chemistry energy around this man and yet be totally unattached to him having to do anything other than just being the radiant person he is in your life? Can you imagine just a mutual appreciation party without any girlfriend/boyfriend or sexual connotations?
I’m sure it took him some guts to call you and level with you that he had a girlfriend. You don’t have to accept his friendship offer it is too challenging for you to have him in your life in any other capacity than romantic. He knows your feelings already, so if things are meant to be, he will make a move. If not, then his purpose is this: to spark your juices so that you can USE that energy to your advantage. It is like FUEL for your manifesting!
Use it!
What I’ve found is that in the past, when I was “with” someone in a committed relationship, I would “block” my feminine essence, my goddess essence, from other males for fear that they would either come on to me or that I would be perceived as promiscuous or non-committal. Since that time, I’ve realized that I have been missing out on a whole lot of energy sharing with others because I’ve put up those walls.
It’s only been very recently that I’ve been able to shine my goddess “light”, so to speak, even when my partner is not present. What was I afraid of? I was afraid of being taken advantage of. I was afraid of being seen only as a sexual object. I was afraid of not being respected for my true self, I was afraid of having to reciprocate the appreciation! The list goes on and on! Geesh!
What a relief not to have to literally block the flow of sexual energy emanating from me and to me any longer. And what I’ve found is that receiving the energy is utterly wonderful. And I don’t have to respond in any other pre-determined way except by being authentic and true to self.
Sharing sexual energies without sex is completely and utterly a healing path. There doesn’t need to be any touching or even any flirting involved. It is JUST an energy. We don’t have to take it so seriously. I suspect that in our higher consciousness futures, (OK, I might get flack for writing this publically!) we will all let go of our possessive natures and jealousies and will freely allow and support the mingling of powerful sexual energies. I bet you that if there were advanced or highly evolved beings in our midst, they’d tell us the same thing!
Maybe this experience is for you to get out of judgment and just enjoy the feeling…and know that this feeling gives you the BLUEPRINT for the person who currently being “groomed” by the Universe to be your next perfect match. Just Enjoy! You’re at that higher level now.
Dr. Karen

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Radio Show Monday: Finding God Through Sex

Posted on 27 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

Join me this Monday as I interview Michaela Boehm, a coach of David Deida, author of The Way of the Superior Man and Finding God Through Sex.

When it comes to sex, most of us want more. The question is: more of what? When the depth of intimacy you’ve been experiencing is no longer fulfilling to your heart and body—when you sense that sexuality should go far beyond an embrace of brief satisfaction—the time has come to explore your unique sexual path to the divine, teaches David Deida. In Finding God Through Sex, this brilliant writer and internationally renowned expert on spiritual sexuality presents a revolutionary new way to love—one in which sex literally becomes an erotic act of devotional surrender, “making love, magnifying love, from the boundless depth of your heart through every inch of your body and in merger with your lover.”

How can sex be a path to enlightenment? You better tune in so you can find out!

Here are the details:
Monday June 29, 2009 at 12 noon EDT

Call in number: 347-945-6313
Hit “1″ if you’d like me to see your “hand up” to ask a question

The show will be broadcast live at Anyone can download the show free of charge afterwards in case you missed it.

Dr. Karen

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Radio Show Monday: Ask Dr. Karen LIVE!

Posted on 21 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

It’s Ask Dr. Karen day tomorrow! This episode will be dedicated entirely to you and to answering your questions. It’s the perfect time to make the call and find out how to manifest your dream love relationship.

Here are the details:
Monday June 22, 2009 at 12 noon EDT (

Call in number: 347-945-6313
Hit “1″ if you’d like me to see your “hand up” to ask a question

The show will be broadcast live at Anyone can download the show free of charge afterwards in case you missed it.

Looking forward to your calls!

Dr. Karen

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Not Settling for Less

Posted on 19 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

What an interesting synchronicity this week. As I was preparing for my teleseminar this past week, Manifest More Rather Than Settle For Less, an interesting situation came up to “test me”….to see if I walked my talk.
So here’s what happened…
Last weekend, I receive a call from a literary agent about possibly authoring/so-authoring a book for a large publishing company. Wow! I thought. What a fantastic opportunity!
So the first things I’m experiencing as I learn about this is a feeling of gratitude to the Universe for presenting such an opportunity. In the past, I would have been immediately negative about it..either thinking that I wasn’t good enough, or even worse, purposefully NOT celebrating (with gratitude) because it wasn’t already a SURE thing.
Does that sound familiar to you at all? Do you ever experience anything similar?
At the same time I was celebrating the opportunity, I needed more information. Almost immediately, I asked myself, “Am I attached to this opportunity working out?” The answer was NO. I knew from all the study in the Law of Attraction that being attached to a particular outcome actually pushes it and similar opportunities away from you. It repels it.
I knew this was a test for me. In the past I would be worried about failing or worried about things not working out in my favor, so I’d be attached to the outcome. I understood the power of having a publisher ask me to write a book (as opposed to me pitching a book to them), so it would have been easy to get attached to being published.
So this is what I did. I asked for more information to see if it was a fit. I wrote a biography as they requested, based on my expertise and the best fit I saw possible. When the editor wrote back with a more precise description of what he was looking for, it was clear to me that although I definitely COULD have written the book no problem (it wouldn’t have been hard to do the research and then write it), I realized that I didn’t WANT to write it. Thus it wasn’t a good fit.
Do you get what I’m saying?
I quickly released a very good opportunity that many others would have thought was CRAZY to give up. The literary agent even gave me another opportunity to rewrite my biography so it would better fit the description of what the editor wanted. But instead, I just turned it down…and referred them to a dear colleague of mine who WOULD have been a better fit for them.
Why did I so quickly nullify a fabulous opportunity? And what is the lesson for you?

I am committed to the highest resonance, the highest vibration. Had I forced myself to write a book I was not passionate about, I would have been out of sync with my vibration – I would have lowered it in fact. I would have proven to the Universe that I was willing to settle for less.
And I’m not willing to settle for less. Not any more. And neither should you.
That’s the lesson.
In the act of LETTING GO of this valuable opportunity, what I was actually doing was MAKING SPACE (see Chapter 6 in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life) for something even bigger or better to replace the void. One of the steps in harnessing the law of attraction to manifest your dream partner is making space for that person.
And how do I feel? Well, the old “me” would have felt like I lost something. But who I am today sees things differently. I practice shifting out of scarcity thinking (i.e. there isn’t enough opportunity out there) to abundance thinking (i.e. there are plenty of opportunities out there!).
Can you feel the difference?
There are other publishers. There are other book deals. There is a better time for all this. There is a better fit. I’m not worried about it. I’m just quickly moving on….in gratitude.
And I’d advise YOU to move on as well, especially if you’re currently in a relationship that isn’t fully resonating with you and you’ve explored all the reasons why you manifested this person in the first place – what were you supposed to learn?
So here are the gold nugget gifts I received from this amazing experience and I thank the Universe for it’s in bringing it to me in it’s mysteriously wonderful way!
1. The work I’m doing is of value and is being noticed.
2. I was able to celebrate and be non-attached simultaneously.
3. I was able to see how easy it was to let go compared with my past experiences. Yeah!
4. I established new relationships in a field where I had no prior direct contacts (literary agents, publishers)
5. This was a sign that things were expanding in alignment with my vision of what I wanted to create/manifest in my life.
6. I now had teaching material for this blog!
When I posted what happened on FaceBook, a friend commented, “You must have a lot of faith.” I thought about what she said and concluded:
Yes. Yes I do.
That is what my wish is for you too.

Dr. Karen Kan

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Law of Attraction in Love FREE Teleseminar is Tomorrow!

Posted on 17 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

I hope you’ll be joining tomorrow night for the FREE teleseminar I’m giving entitled Manifest More Rather Than Settle for Less where you’ll:

  • Clarify what types of “wants” should be in your laundry list and which should be left out
  • Understand your psychological “blocks” to manifesting MORE rather than less
  • How to properly choose the right affirmations as a tool the helping you manifest

Thursday Tomorrow!
June 18th at 7:30PM Eastern Daylight Time (
Conference Call Number: 712-432-3900
Access Code 7677512#

Dr. Karen

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Welcome to Mississauga

Posted on 16 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

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FREE Teleseminar: Manifest MORE Rather Than Settle For Less

Posted on 15 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

One of the most common “problems” I encounter with people that I coach is that when they are making their “laundry list” of desires for their ideal partner/partnership, they often sell themselves short. Honestly, I did the same before too.

Before I manifested James, my dream partner, I didn’t want to fully admit that I wanted a figure skating partner who was also my dream love partner. Why? Because I didn’t believe I could have both. I thought I was asking for too much…that my chances were slim. And mostly, because I was fearful of failure or looking greedy in the eyes of the Universe.

This week’s Teleseminar: Manifest MORE rather than Settle for Less will help you:

  • Clarify what types of “wants” should be in your laundry list and which should be left out
  • Understand your psychological “blocks” to manifesting MORE rather than less
  • How to properly choose the right affirmations as a tool the helping you manifest

Thursday June 18th at 7:30PM Eastern Daylight Time (
Conference Call Number: 712-432-3900
Access Code 7677512#

This teleseminar will be recorded and will be posted for FREE download in a new part of the website we are building for people who have purchased either the Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook by June 30th (or the Law of Attraction Home Study Course). You can view the list of the 2009 recorded Teleseminar Series here.

So if you want access to the Teleseminar Series recordings, I’d highly recommend that you purchase the Ebook of the Home Study Course today by going here.

I look forward to talking to you on the call!

Dr. Karen

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I Love Living Life. I Am Happy.

Posted on 14 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

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Dear Dr. Karen: I’m working hard on my self-esteem, but I just got dumped!

Posted on 11 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen

Thank you for all the information you have available for attracting my dream partner. I know I have a weakness in attracting healthy relationships and my soulmate. I was not raised in a healthy environment, nor was there any positive role models available. I’ve been working on these emotional issues, and I believe that I am making significant progress. Even though it is taking a very long time for my soulmate to manifest.

Right now I am somewhat depressed. I took approx. 7 years off from dating guys ( I was consistently attracting the same type of negative people.) I worked real hard on my self esteem, and forgiveness and loving myself, etc. However, recently I met a gentlemen with most of the qualities that I had on my list. After about a week of dating, which I really enjoyed, he was a true gentlemen etc. He abrutly told me that things are not going to work out between us. I was so devastated! After so long, I met someone I really liked and it ended that quickly. Can you shed some light if any as to where I went wrong.

Thanks. Candis

Dear Candis,

First of all, you are welcome. Secondly, you are in the perfect place to make great strides in your relationship life! Why do I say this? Because you are at least AWARE of the relationship environment you grew up in, that you didn’t have great positive role models and that you’ve been working on these issues.

Congratulations for putting the time and effort to work on yourself. It is only those people who are willing to grow themselves from where they were to where they want to be that will be truly happy and successful. That being said, you are still probably wondering why after all this work, the next gentleman you dated just abruptly dumped you! Afterall, you really liked this guy and didn’t see it coming at all did you? And you are wondering what did I do wrong?

I’m here to coach you that you are asking the wrong question. It needn’t be what did I do wrong? But instead, what does this situation give me the opportunity to grow into?

By asking what did I do wrong, you are owning up to the fact that on some level, you really do feel you are not adequate enough. Get it? In other words, the Universe was giving you a loving test. Here, let me be the Universe’s voice for a moment:

Dear One, We are giving you this opportunity for a reason. We love you. We want you to recognize how undeniably lovable you are to. And for this reason, you will experience rejection, so you will have the opportunity to feel that despite the rejection, you are still whole. You get to experience rejection and not take it personally for once. You get to experience the freedom of moving on, self-esteem intact. For this great gift, we give you this experience. Because we love you. You are perfect as you are.

So your experience with rejection was not proof that all your hard work has been a waste. Instead, your experience as an OPPORTUNITY for you to choose a higher perception that serves you..for you to experience that despite what happens on the outside world, you are at peace on in inside world. The Law of Attraction states that what you resonate on the inside is what you see on the outside.

That gentleman did you a favor. He just mirrored to you just where you are at on the self-esteem scale. It is OK. Learn from this. You are doing just fine. Keep up your study. Get a support team, a coach, a counselor. They can be helpful mirrors to you.

Once you’ve dealt with rejection to the point where it is no longer a big deal, your next breakthrough will come.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Special Offer! Sex, Passion & Enlightenment

Posted on 01 June 2009 by Dr. Karen

We just finished up the AMAZING radio show with Satyen Raja,! And if you missed it, you can still go to to listen to the entire show (archived) now.

If you want to know how to truly attract your highest and beste mate, you really need to listen to this show! He shared with us what real passion is and why passion disappears in the lives of couples.

We learned about the three stages of relationship development: from Prison Stage (male domination) to Parole Stage (equality but depolarized sexual energy) to the Paradise Stage (where we all want to be!) and how to get there.

He taught us how we can be “sexy” and “attractive” regardless of age, race, looks or wealth.

And he taught us on a very practical level how we can keep the passion alive through the “little things” we do when we interact with our partners.

Any man can be a warrior – a loving enlighted one.

Any woman can be a goddess – a radiant one.

And here’s something special.

For the first 20 people who listened to the show and who are drawn to do more work with Satyen, you can participate in his Sex, Passion and Enlightenment Intensive (see dates on

The tuition is regularly $3000, but for the first 20 people it is only $997 (and $1500 for your partner if you have one). Wow!

Just call 1-800-815-1545 and remember to mention that you listened to the radio show and would like to register for the special Law of Attraction in Love Radio show price!

Be assured that my partner and I are signing up to go to one! Do yourself a favor. Save yourselves years of heartache and struggle. Learn from Satyen and his wife, Ann, at Warrior Sage.


Dr. Karen

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