Dear Dr. Karen
What makes a girl move to a different boy from an existing relationship?
N.P.
Dear N.P.
Let’s imagine that that someone is you who just got “dumped” as we say in North America. Your girlfriend just decided she didn’t want to be with you any longer. It hurts, right?
Well, first of all, know that you didn’t do anything wrong. It doesn’t mean that the relationship couldn’t have been better and that you didn’t have anything to do with the separation, but it doesn’t mean it is entirely “your fault”.
What it DOES mean, is that she is no longer resonating with you. She doesn’t feel connected to you any longer or as much as she needs to in order to stay your girlfriend. Sometimes that change in resonance occurs because two people cease to be each other’s teacher and need to thus move on. In other words, you were there to help her grown in some way and now your job is “done” and she needs to move on in order to continue growing.
Sometimes that change in resonance occurs because one person has grown in a different direction and they no longer see eye to eye. Of course, we make up all sorts of “reasons” why we split up, but there simply isn’t one answer. Break-ups may be difficult or challenging, and at the same time, are a wonderful opportunity to learn more about what you want and what you need.
When my ex-husband and I broke up, it was because I had gone through a deep spiritual growth through my illness. I no longer saw my life as an disconnected series of random events. I found that my life had purpose and the spiritual growth I experienced seemed incomprehensible to my husband at the time. He just couldn’t understand why I loved to meditate, practice yoga, and go on personal growth retreats.
After we separated, he began to explore his own spiritual path. Until we did, he resisted it. But somehow the separation changed the way he thought. Now he has a spiritual practice that he never would have had if we had struggled to stay together in a relationship that wasn’t growing or thriving any longer.
And I bless him on his path…especially because we just found out his younger sister died unexpectedly last week. Can you imagine how much more painful that would be if he didn’t have some sort of spiritual path?
So don’t take breaking up personally even though it feels personal. It is just another stepping stone to knowing and loving yourself better. Be compassionate to yourself. Forgive yourself and the other person. When you can, bless them on their way and thank them for being there during an important part of your development. Part ways with respect and love.
Blessings,
Dr. Karen
