Archive | December, 2008

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Dear Dr. Karen: How Can I Learn to Be “Detached” From the Outcome of What I Want to Manifest?

Posted on 17 December 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen:


Hi there.  I struggle with a concept – serenity comes by not being attached to the outcome. You have to have intention and I know, for example, that when dating – you shouldn’t be attached to the person or outcome.  How do you keep yourself detached as best as possible?  Also – how do you recondition bad beliefs – is there any quick way?




Dear Anne,


Wonderful questions! I’m so glad you asked. You are perfectly correct in that our “job” is to make an intention and then “let go” of attachments to the outcome. When we “let go”, The Universe can more easily aid us in shifting people, places and things so that our intention will be manifest. When we do not “let go” and become attached to the outcome, we actually block our manifestation. Why? Because the energy of “attachment” is vibrating at the frequency of scarcity.


In other words, if we become attached to our outcomes, it means that we can’t envision any other way that The Universe can create a win:win for us. When we can’t be open to all the wonderful possibilities that may be even BETTER than what we imagined, we often get LESS than what we imagined or wanted.


So how do we learn to let go?


There is no one right answer. The first thing to do is to check in with yourself to see if you are indeed attached to the outcome. How? Well, what you do is imagine for a moment that your intention isn’t going to manifest. How do you feel? Neutral or disappointed? OK or devastated?


If you have a so-called negative reaction, it means you are attached. Now, if you find you are attached it isn’t the end of the world. In actuality, you are one step closer to manifesting your dream by ACKNOWLEDGING your attachment. You can’t let go of something you haven’t acknowledged. Understand?


Once you’ve acknowledged your attachment, you can now work on it. One thing you can do right away is to affirm that you love yourself despite your attachment. Don’t be hard on yourself. It is human to get attached. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. That action alone can often release the “tight” energy of attachment.


What I’ve found is this: once your attachments have led you to disappointment time and time again, and you are paying attention to your reaction, you will eventually learn to do a “pre-emptive strike” on your attachments. The pain just isn’t worth it.


An exercise you can do around your attachments is to imagine how well you off you will be regardless of the outcome. In other words, imagine several different outcomes including the one you want. Then literally “make believe” the reasons why each of these scenarios actually serve you. Answer questions like, “how are you better off?” and “what did you learn from this?”


Why make believe? Because our whole reality is made up of our perceptions of reality. If our whole reality is truly an illusion we make up, then you might as well make up an illusion that serves you and empowers you rather than one that disempowers you. Make sense?


As far as reconditioning your negative (non-supportive) beliefs, there are many different tools you can use. There just isn’t enough room to list them all. At the Law of Attraction Intensive Workshop in September, we used several different tools to discover what some of our negative beliefs were. Then I taught the class a specific tool called Emotional Freedom Technique (you may remember this from Chapter 5 of my book, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life) that transforms non-supportive feelings and beliefs. I highly recommend learning EFT. The other methods I recommend is The Sedona Method and The Work by Byron Katie.


One “quick” way to recondition your negative or non-supportive beliefs is to write the belief down on a sheet of paper. Then underneath it, ARGUE the opposite. In other words, if you wrote down: “I’m too old to find my soulmate”, then you can begin by writing down an argument that sounds like this: “I’m the perfect age to find my soulmate. I know myself better than ever. I’ve been in several relationships already and I have a clear idea of what I want and what I don’t want. Thus I can manifest what I desire a lot easier than when I was younger. Besides, I’m no longer afraid of being in relationships. I know I can handle anything that comes up. I love maturity!!”


Get the picture?


Anne, you are on the right track. Don’t worry about being perfect. Just keep practicing. It’s like an art.



Dr. Karen Kan

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