Archive | November, 2008

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Dear Dr. Karen: Why Isn’t My Dream Partner Here Yet?

Posted on 25 November 2008 by Dr. Karen

I received this question from Angel recently and wanted to share with you my response:

Dear Dr. Karen:

I really do believe in the law of attraction I have a positive outlook and act like I am already in a relationship. I have everything I have always wanted except someone to share it with. I am clear and specific about who I want. When and how will this happen? I can feel it but it’s not there…

Dear Angel,

You are not the only one who asks this question. I remember when I was manifesting my dream partner James, I became disappointed after 8 months of “doing my best” and my dream ice-skating love partner was nowhere to be found!

There is something important you need to know about how the law of attraction works. The Universe has the ideal timing for everything and we are not in conscious control of that timing (of when “it” will happen). I recommend that you listen to my colleague Sandy Sain in the interview I did with her on blog talk radio (see radio player on the side bar at when she told me how she went on 500 dates over five years before she knew herself well enough and became the person she needed to become to manifest her dream partner Bob. When I asked her whether it was worth the wait (total of eight years I believe, after her divorce), she said YES!

Since you’ve been specific in asking for your partner and have been embodying the energy of already having received and are “acting” as if this person will show up in any moment, your current job is just one thing – ENJOY your life. Yes, enjoy your life. You said you have everything thing you’ve ever wanted. WOW! Amazing! That is wonderful! So all you need to do now is to fully engage in your PRESENT life (because you have to be PRESENT to manifest something in the future). Your dream partner will come if that is your soul’s true calling!

That being said, there is one thing that my mentor and bestselling author, Keith Leon, told me about manifesting your ideal partner that you need to know about. Look at the list of qualities you have written down for your ideal mate. You need to become all those qualities (aside from the physical ones!) before you can attract them. So, for example, if you wrote down that you partner must have integrity and honesty, check in with yourself as to whether you can truly say you fully embody those qualities yourself. The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like, so you must BECOME that which you wish to attract. If you want a weatlhy mate, then become wealthy yourself. If you want someone who is very kind and compassionate, practice being ever-more compassionate to people around you (including yourself) on a daily basis. Get the picture?

Most of all, just TRUST that The Universe has your best interests in mind and that your manifestation will appear when you least expect. Practice LETTING GO of your attachment to your intention, which will free up the energy around it (and thus bring it quicker to you), yet at the same time feeling passionate about what you want. Passion and attachment are not the same thing. The energy of ATTACHMENT feels needy and scarce. The energy of PASSION is a great magnet.

Enjoy your life! I believe in you!
Dr. Karen

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Dear Dr. Karen: What Pictures Do I Use To Attract Love?

Posted on 11 November 2008 by Dr. Karen

Hello Dr. Karen,

My question is: If I want to find love, besides thinking positively, what other things can also help me? If I put pictures on my wall, what kind of pictures would they be?

Mary (not her real name)

Dear Mary,

Positive thinking is helpful, but it isn’t the way you harness the law of attraction (please see my post on the Law of Attraction is not positive thinking). What you want to do with your visualizations, if that is a tool that resonates with you, is to choose pictures that give you an emotional reaction. In other words, choose photos and pictures that inspire you when you look at them.

It isn’t the positive thought that brings about the wanted outcome or intention. It is the positive feeling that stems from the positive thought. All the positive thinking in the world won’t do anyone any good if there isn’t an associated feeling of inspiration, passion, joy and fulfillment. See the difference?

I have a relative that tells me that she always thinks positively and is fairly good at reframing negative situations, yet whenever she goes to the bank, she complains constantly that the workers at the bank are incompetent and always make mistakes. Guess what? She’s right! They DO always make mistakes…around HER. Even though she considers herself a positive thinker, she hasn’t become conscious of her repetitive negative programming.

Creating a visual reminder of your dream come true may help to rewire some of your programming. A dream board or a vision board can be created by cutting out photos from magazines and pasting them to a poster board. I have friends who have such a big dream board, it fills up an entire wall!

I use a cut-and-paste type vision board, but I also use a dynamic vision board – one that associates inspiring music and affirmations with each photo. You can create your own at I have one for career, one for health, one for wealth etc.

The purpose of the visual reminder is for you to get into the vibration (emotionally) of already having received your intention (your dream partner). The more you can stay in this vibration of already having received, the faster your dream partner will come to you.

Also, imagine that everything that happens to you from this day forth is meant to be…and will lead you to the dream partner you desire. Some situations may come up that you may consider negative, and that’s where the “positive” attitude can come in – reframe the so-called negative situation into a positive one,  and understand that everything happens for a reason and that reason is there to serve you.

The more you can have overall peace and fulfillment in your life, the happier your life will be with or without a partner…and the happier you are, the more you’ll find very many wonderful potential partners to share your life with!


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: How Do I Use the Law of Attraction to Create A Relationship With My Relative’s Best Friend?

Posted on 02 November 2008 by Dr. Karen

Hi Dr. Karen,

I am trying to manifest the love that I have been dreaming of, and have been waiting for all my life.

Almost 5 years ago, I met my relative’s best friend.  And the moment I saw him, someone/something at the back of my head told me that I was supposed to be with him.  Of course, at that time, I was married to my ex-husband, and he was invovled with someone else.  But something told me that we would end up being together.

5 years passed, and his relationship ended, and I’m currently in the middle of divorcing my ex.  We got together as friends (we called each other bffs), and as we hang out, we immediately acknowledge the fact that there is a very strong chemistry/connection there and very strong attraction that we have for each other.  We have so many things in common, and it seems that when we are together, everything makes sense.  My problem is, I am still stuck in my past relationship, and he also cannot make a commitment because of my present situation.  I can feel in my bones that he is the one — we are both happy just being together.  Both of us even made a comment (on separate times) to my relative as to how come he never got us together when we were both single, things could have been more simpler between us.

I want to manifest having a lasting, romantic, faithful, happy relationship with this man.  He is the man that I have been waiting for, and have always wanted in a partner.  I want to use the law of attraction to manifest this.  What can I do to make this happen?

Please help me for this is driving me mad.

Thanks in advance,


Dear Agnes,

Understand that when you consciously use the law of attraction to co-create with The Universe what you want, you need to TRUST the Universe’s timing. Given that you and this man have a fond connection for each other, there is something stopping you from realizing your intention: your impatience.

One of the steps in the manifesting process is called “creating a vacuum”, or making space. If you are still involved with your ex-husband, either practically or emotionally, it will not benefit your future relationship with the man you wish to be with. You need to complete the first relationship (in your case, because your new man also wishes this completion) in order to start “fresh”.

There is nothing stopping you from developing a deep friendship with your new love. Even though he may not want to turn it into a romantic relationship right now because of your situation, it doesn’t mean you can’t develop the BLUEPRINT for one right now. Evaluate and take responsibility for your contribution to past disappointments in your past relationship(s), so you can learn how you can create a better one. Don’t drag old non-supportive blueprints into your new relationship (and you WILL unless you have been working on new supportive ones.)

It is a learning process. To get what you want, you often have to stretch yourself and learn something new. This time around, it could be that you need to learn to be even more patient, to learn to have a loving platonic relationship (a deep one), or to learn to respect another’s boundaries. Or it could be that you need to release emotional baggage from your last relationship that is still hanging on (and preventing the vacuum from happening).

In time, if you two are wanting the same thing, you will get together. The same thing happened with one of my first passionate “loves”. It occurred with a man who I fell head over heels for while my marriage was breaking up. He and I had an incredibly strong attraction to each other and I had never felt such a connection before with anyone. He was everything my husband was not.;

He was with someone else and I was still married to my husband at the time. This man had gone through a relationship with a married woman in the past and told me how difficult it was. He had wisely decided that because of his experience, he would not enter into a relationship with me (a married woman). He did tell me, though, that at some point in the future, if we were to find ourselves single and available, he would be open to us getting together. I was devastated and I told him that I needed space to heal my broken heart.

For almost a year we did not speak to each other. I was hurting badly at the beginning, and couldn’t stop thinking about him and how we’d never be together.  But after separating from my husband, I contacted him. I found out he was single again as well. After several phone conversations, we decided to see each other. By then I had changed. Well, we both had changed. I realized that he was no longer my ideal partner. Although we had a fun and loving interaction, I realized that a long distance relationship (we lived in opposite ends of the country) wasn’t going to work. We decided just to be friends and we both have different partners now. Today, we are still very good friends and I appreciate all I have learned from my relationship with this man, including his wisdom.

So you see, I got what I wanted, (the two of us got together), but then I had “grown” and wanted something different.

I now have the partner of my dreams.

So my advice to you is to be patient. I know your heart is yearning (as was mine). Just trust that the Universe is co-creating your BEST new reality with you and for your highest good. Just focus on completing your divorce first and learning new relationship skills.


Dr. Karen Kan

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