Dear Dr. Karen: Can I Use the Law of Attraction to Win Back My Ex?

Posted on 02 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,Can the law of attraction be used to win back an “ex” that you know is the “one”?


Dear Melissa,

Anything is possible with the law of attraction. It is possible that your “ex” is your best match. But if your “ex” is not open right now, you can’t force things to happen. In fact, by forcing things, you work against your manifesting. When you force things, you are telling the universe that you are not confident that the best possible outcome will occur and that you are in fear. And in the language of the law of attraction, fear begets more fear. Scarcity begets more scarcity. See what I mean?

You may very well be able to win back your “ex” by visualizing the two of your being together and feeling those yummy happy feelings when you visualize….so long as he is in a similar vibration. And let me ask you this: if I told you it would take ten years to win him back and in the interim he’s produced two children with someone else, would you be willing to wait?

Here’s an exercise you can do to encourage loving feelings between you and your “ex”. Again, I want to reiterate that you cannot manipulate his destiny by using the law of attraction. He has free will, just as you do. What you can do, though, is send loving feelings and detachment (which helps manifesting a lot!)…sending a loving vibration is very attracting. Sending an “attached” vibration is not.

OK, here’s the exercise: Everyday, pull out your journal and write a virtual letter to your “ex”. You aren’t going to send this letter, but what you are going to do is write down everything you love and enjoy about him. What you appreciate appreciates – that’s the law of attraction. Get it? So the more you appreciate him, even if he’s decided to take space from you, the more likely he’ll “hear” your vibrations and respond.

But there are no guarantees. Keep us posted!


Dr. Karen Kan

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5 Comments For This Post

  1. Lisalisa Says:

    Hi Dr Karen,
    How can he ‘hear’ my vibrations if I don’t see or talk to him? He wants to be friends, whereas I want more. We have been apart for 6 months. I love him. I am past any stages of blame or hurt, and have more of a calmness about it all. I am working on myself which has been the best thing I’ve ever done. I miss him – isn’t that attachmnent?. Should I talk to him? How can he ‘feel’ my loving vibrations if we don’t communicate?

  2. Lisalisa Says:

    I should say, that I have kept my distance since we split, and now he has contacted me to talk about what we’ve been going through.

    I want to manifest positivity, not hurt and negativity. I want to manifest him back into my life, so I shouldn’t be avoiding him, should I?

  3. Vageesha Says:

    i would like to say it helped me to think positive as it say anything is possible with the law of attraction but don’t you think your putting our hopes down which against our attraction and vibration when you say * there is no garantee*?? that is so wrong don’t do that but help us to get what we desire everyhting is possible on law of attraction i belive it very much. thank you

  4. Dr. Karen Says:

    Vageesha, by releasing your attachment to the outcome you desire, you allow the Universe to bring you what is in the highest and best interest of you and all involved. If you are attached to your thought of who you think you SHOULD be romantically involved with, you will actually push away that possibility even faster.

    There is nothing that has been taught about the Law of Attraction that EVER says that you are guaranteed your desired outcome. Here is why: with Life comes Mystery. Without mystery, life is boring and not worth living. We are “born” here to experience certain things, but we “forget” when we arrive from spiritual to material form what we asked to experience. Thus we get an opportunity to truly live and experience from a fresh perspective.

    Trust that the Universe will co-create the outcome that is of the highest good for you. If your ex is not for your highest good or you being with him is not for his highest good then all the wishing in the world will not bring him back. You don’t have complete and total control of your circumstances. We Co-CREATE our realities with everyone else on this earth. You don’t do it in a vacuum.

    I know your heart is hurting now. I was once there…a couple of times. I too thought I knew who was best for me. I was devastated from the loss. But now I realize that the Universe had someone much better for me. All I had to do was to release my sadness and trust. I believe you can do the same.
    Dr. Karen Kan

  5. Gabrielle Says:

    I am new to LOA and have recently read the book The Secret before stumbling upon this site. Not long ago a good friend/more of 2 years vanished from my life without any explanation. Not sure of the reason, I tried the above exercise for 30 days, apologizing for the things that may have caused him to disappear. However, I may have missed one or two days in between or edited a previous draft late at night to compensate for missing, earlier that day. I have had no contact with the person I am trying to contact via energy/vibrations or mental telepathy. yet, I have not have any response to talk about. Could I be doing something wrong or has he lost interest in our relationship? I have also created a home made vision board using pictures of him. However, frustrated as I am, without any break through, I feel my negative feelings are delaying any chance of his return. Is it possible to send you the most recent letter which Ive used more than once, re worded differently, to see what areas of my writing I could improve? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thank you! 🙂

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