Archive | October, 2008

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Handling Rejection and the Law of Attraction

Posted on 27 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

The other day, I received word that out of 80 applicants that submitted proposals to teach at a high profile conference, I was not chosen to participate. It was a perfect example of how the outcome of your intentions are not always what you expect. So how do I handle rejection?

Well! Very differently from how I used to handle rejection! I used to take rejection personally and feel bad about myself. I used to ask myself, “what’s wrong with me” or decide that I wasn’t “good enough”. Can you relate? This old programming was making me miserable and for years, despite high achievements in almost every area of my life, I had very low self-esteem.

Today, I can celebrate rejection!

Why? Because I can celebrate how rejection (or praise for that matter) is no longer “personal”. In other words, I no longer let praise or rejection define me as a “good” or “bad” person. So here is how I use the law of attraction in dealing with rejection: I reframe it.

In other words, I make up a story of how it best serves me.

For example, I now assume that if I didn’t get the “job” I wanted, it must mean that the decision-maker and I are not on the same wave-length (vibration) and therefore it is an inappropriate match. Thus I can thank the Universe for kindly saving me heartache and headache from a mismatched relationship.

Secondly, I also assume that it must mean that an even BETTER opportunity is quickly coming my way. And so, believe it or not, I’m even EXCITED for my future, despite the rejection.

Thirdly, I can see how far I’ve come in my personal growth from my past programming by observing my reaction (or lack of reaction) to the news of my rejection. This gives me an opportunity to appreciate myself more. It is confirmation that my joy and happiness and sense of self-worth come from within and has nothing to do with anyone else’s view of me. Know what I mean?

Even though I had set my intentions very clearly in teaching the program this year and was rejected, I’m imagining that I will be offered an even bigger opportunity, so it has motivated me to keep working towards my intentions or “goals”. There is not even one moment of hesitation. Nor is there any regret or perception of wasted time.

You know what was really cool too? Not only did I avoid my old patterns of thinking i.e. “I’m not good enough”, I actually perceived that it was the other camp that was really losing out from the amazing value I had to offer. It reminds me of the time that I was “dumped” by this guy years ago and I remember having thought to myself, “Hmmf! His loss!”

So what does this have to do with the law of attraction? It has everything to do with it. You see, if you let rejections get you down, your vibration diminishes and you begin attracting less of what you want. On the other hand, if you don’t take rejections personally and just use them as learning experiences, then you will keep your vibration high and you will manifest what you want faster and faster as time goes by.

Author and successful business consultant, Christine Comaford-Lynch, in her book, Rules for Renegades, talks about rejection and failures as opportunities to grow. In fact, she says to “fail forward” – in other words, use your failures to your future advantage.

By reframing your “losses” into “wins” – guess what? You ALWAYS win. EVERYTHING can be perceived as serving you. Cool or Cool? And if you came to my Law of Attraction Intensive Workshop, you’ll remember that we did a very special group exercise called reframing where you brainstormed on how to make your “losses” into “wins”. If you weren’t there, I’d highly recommend that you pick up a copy of the Home Study Course with the included handouts so you can practice reframing.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

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From Being Abused to Being Powerful Through Positive Thinking!

Posted on 22 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

I received this wonderful letter from Audrey in Ireland and I wanted to share it with you because it is so inspiring. It just goes to show you that no matter what our past circumstances are, we have the capacity to rise above it!

Success story,  not sure yet how the book is going to do but here is the link (below)

I am an Irish girl, from a very torturous background and I with the help of positive thinking have over come childhood sexual abuse, addictions and years of emotional turmoil.  My father was convicted this year of his crimes against me,  You can google it on the web.  Audrey Delaney Ward Ireland.   I wrote the book (see link below) to give hope to others and stop families sweeping it under the carpet.  To get people to speak out and for those who cannot.  I want them to get  help and a feeling of self-worth back.   This is just the start – there is so much more I want to do.  But this is the book I have visualised for years and now it has become a reality.
 
http://www.maverickhouse.com/book.html?bid=99&title=Innocent&no_cache=1

Congratulations Audrey! You are an inspiration to others that have suffered from abuse. With your book, I hope you will inspire millions more. Just INTEND that your book will reach out to millions. You took ACTION and instead of wallowing in self-pity, you did something positive  – using your “obstacle” as part of your life’s purpose in helping others.

By the way, the day Audrey emailed me, my coach emailed me about a book that is coming out that is requesting stories of how people overcame their tragedies to become stronger, and, get this….they are looking for stories to put in the book! so I emailed Audrey with the contact information so we can help get her published. Isn’t it amazing how synchronicities work?

I love manifesting. It is so much fun!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: I’m Unhappy But I Can’t Leave My Partner…

Posted on 13 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

Hi Dr. Karen,

I am in a relationship I don’t want to be in. I care for the person a lot but I have needs and wants and they are not being taken care of. I realize I have choices, but he needs me I cannot just leave him. I do not want to be the reason something worse will happen to him. My energy is at a standstill, I am really interested in Reiki I have been reading up on it, I need the energy, I need to heal myself to be able to be strong and get out of a relationship I am in. Your Ebook sounds great, right now the money is real tight, I probably wont be able to get the book. I want so much to be able to be happy and live my life the way i want. Men have always made me feel small and not worthy of love and attention I want and need. Iam afraid to do what I want. What do you think I can do? Thank you. Love and Happiness,
Donna

Dear Donna,

One of the most challenging aspects of being fully responsible for co-creating your life is to let go of the belief that you are responsible for another person’s health and happiness over and above your own. Just because you cannot imagine that your partner could have a happier life without you, doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of it. You do him a great disservice by imagining him as a weakling. You  have co-created a situation where you’ve trapped yourself (and him) to a life that is neither happy nor fulfilling for either of you.

Your belief that he cannot live without you is a disempowering belief that doesn’t serve him. In other words, you are literally taking away his power to act on his own behalf by your choices and how you perceive him. Instead, try to perceive your partner as a person who has the potential to be responsible for his own happiness.

Have the courage to choose your path and own up to your responsibility to make yourself happy instead of accepting the victim role in your life circumstances..and in that process, pray and believe that the Universe will step in and help those you care about. When my husband and I departed ways as a couple, I had similar concerns. My husband had depressive tendencies and I was concerned that he would be very depressed without me. Nevertheless, I decided to be responsible for my own happiness and left the marriage despite warnings from my parents that all hell would break loose. Despite my own deep depression at the time, on some level, I had faith that The Universe would step in and create a miracle. And a miracle it did create!

Not only did my husband NOT become deeply depressed, he developed his own personal growth journey. He went to Spain to learn new skills and at the same time got introduced to a spiritual practice including yoga. He then expanded himself by reading books on spirituality and continuing his yoga practice at home. And he finally manifested his dream love partner – a rugged woman who is both a yoga teacher and a spiritual explorer. And best of all, she is a much better match for him than I ever could be. Had I not decided to leave the marriage, he would never have found his dream partner.

So Donna, you have to TRUST the Universe. Your partner will learn to survive without you – and you can help him by believing in him. His dependency on you is neither healthy or empowering. He may struggle for a bit, but struggle is not always a bad thing. It is only when we reach a degree of intense discomfort that we finally choose to change our ways. Isn’t that right?

You are a loving caring soul. Jesus taught us to love thy neighbor as thyself. He didn’t say love thy neighbor MORE than thyself. Learn to love yourself fully. Accept whatever faults you have (none of us are perfect). And with courage and faith, more forward with your life. Seek counseling and support to help you.

I believe in you.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Using the Law of Attraction For a Specific Relationship

Posted on 02 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,I’ve been using the law of attraction for quite a while and now I’ve realized that I’m dating my ideal partner. I’ve kind of freaked out because I’ve never been very good in the love department. Would it be fair to use the law of attraction towards the success of this specific relationship?

Sonya

Dear Sonya,

YES, YES, YES! Sonya! You can use the law of attraction for anything! And using it consciously to create a successful relationship is both spiritual and enjoyable. By consciously creating a relationship (and not being in a relationship by default) is one of the most highly fulfilling ventures anyone could experience.

One of the easiest things you can do is to regularly and openly appreciate your partner for who they are and how they add joy to your life. Thank him generously and never take him for granted. See him as a blessing in your life. Even if he makes mistakes, and he will, understand that he is human and focus not on what you don’t like, but on what behaviors you do like.

It is easier said than done, let me tell you!

But it works like a charm. Sometimes if James my dream partner is doing something I don’t like or approve of, I sometimes keep it to myself so I can spend some time examining why it has triggered me. Usually it is an old relationship habit from my childhood or former relationship. I can then later express my triggers to him without making him responsible for how I feel. And then I focus on appreciating him for what I DO LOVE about him.

Do I forget sometimes and just get annoyed?

Yup.

But I’m human too. I just catch myself, forgive myself and try again. That is what personal growth is all about. It isn’t about right and wrong or perfection. It is about growing yourself bigger and expanding your happiness zone!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Can I Use the Law of Attraction to Win Back My Ex?

Posted on 02 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,Can the law of attraction be used to win back an “ex” that you know is the “one”?

Melissa

Dear Melissa,

Anything is possible with the law of attraction. It is possible that your “ex” is your best match. But if your “ex” is not open right now, you can’t force things to happen. In fact, by forcing things, you work against your manifesting. When you force things, you are telling the universe that you are not confident that the best possible outcome will occur and that you are in fear. And in the language of the law of attraction, fear begets more fear. Scarcity begets more scarcity. See what I mean?

You may very well be able to win back your “ex” by visualizing the two of your being together and feeling those yummy happy feelings when you visualize….so long as he is in a similar vibration. And let me ask you this: if I told you it would take ten years to win him back and in the interim he’s produced two children with someone else, would you be willing to wait?

Here’s an exercise you can do to encourage loving feelings between you and your “ex”. Again, I want to reiterate that you cannot manipulate his destiny by using the law of attraction. He has free will, just as you do. What you can do, though, is send loving feelings and detachment (which helps manifesting a lot!)…sending a loving vibration is very attracting. Sending an “attached” vibration is not.

OK, here’s the exercise: Everyday, pull out your journal and write a virtual letter to your “ex”. You aren’t going to send this letter, but what you are going to do is write down everything you love and enjoy about him. What you appreciate appreciates – that’s the law of attraction. Get it? So the more you appreciate him, even if he’s decided to take space from you, the more likely he’ll “hear” your vibrations and respond.

But there are no guarantees. Keep us posted!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Scared of Being Vulnerable

Posted on 02 October 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen Kan,What do you do when you are scared of being vulnerable?DorothyDo you know of that book called “Feel the fear and do it anyway?” It takes a very strong person with good self-esteem to allow themselves to feel vulnerable. In fact, the deeper and the more wonderful a love experience you have with your love partner, the more vulnerable you become! You can’t have it any other way.Practicing being vulnerable takes guts, but just knowing that you feel vulnerable sometimes is a very good sign. Many people aren’t even AWARE of their fear of vulnerability. The fact that you own up to yours is a testament to the degree of maturity in your personal growth.

When people with strong self-esteem allow vulnerability, they know deep down inside that they are perfectly OK they way they are. They don’t need to improve themselves and they love themselves WITH their supposed faults. We are human after all. We have faults. We make mistakes. I know for me, I have been working with my perfectionism (which has caused me great emotional distress over the years) which is a maladaptive trait to say the least! I’ve had to literally practice not being perfect and what I’ve noticed is that I’m much more forgiving and compassionate to others now.

Someone once told me, courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to ACT in spite of fear. So advise you to act as if you are going to get what you’ve asked for. That’s the law of attraction. And acting as if you are going to get what you asked for is step number three in the seven step manifesting process I write about in my book

Blessings,
Dr. Karen Kan

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