| Dear Dr. Karen,I recently ended a relationship with a man I loved very much, but I felt that he had grown cold and despondent and not knowing what to do, I felt that I should let go. It is the third time this has happened in my life – that I’m in a relationship that grows cold and stale. Sometimes my partner will cheat or start becoming restless. Sometimes it is just love that seems to have gone out of the window. Is it me attracting this situation?
I think of myself as positive, loving and happy. I wish he would take me back but he is already with someone else (3 months later!) and that really hurts and makes me very weak. Please advise!!! Thank you so much,
Elizabeth Dear Elizabeth, To answer your first question, “Am I attracting this situation?”, the answer is YES. However, it doesn’t make you wrong or guilty or bad in any way. The reason you are attracting unwanted situations over and over again is that your unconscious is in control of the wishing! Your conscious self wants a wonderful, loving relationship that lasts, but your unconscious does not and unfortunately, unless you get to the bottom of why your unconscious is programmed the way it is, you are likely going to keep attracting the same vibration! Our unconscious programming comes from our youth. Where else did you see or experience these types of on again, off again relationships? How was your parent’s relationship? To understand your underlying programming more, I highly recommend Gay Hendricks book, Conscious Loving. Your unconscious is not “bad”. It is just re-creating a well-worn program. It is probably there to protect you, even though you’d probably rather change the program! The good news is that it is very possible to change your programming. In fact, I will be one of the guest trainers at an intensive relationship workshop called All Your Relations hosted by Peak Potentials in November. At All Your Relations, you will get to the bottom of your “programming” and shift it once and for all! You can check out their website for details: www.peakpotentials.com. If you decide to go, you can let me know and I can email you a discount code. Elizabeth, love in a relationship can grow cold or stale if we do not tend to it. Just like a plant, if we do not water it, give it sunlight and care, it will wither away and die. People often do not seek support and training in relationships until it is too late….when they are about to be divorced. That was the case for myself and my former husband. In my current relationship with my dream partner, James, we agreed early on that we would go to couples counseling…not to “fix” anything wrong, but to proactively nurture and grow our relationship to a deeper level. It sounds to me that your relationships stop growing at a certain level and you, like many other people, have the unrealistic assumption that love will continue without consciously tending to it. We are not taught in schools how to “grow” relationships past the initial stages. I highly encourage you to start devouring any great relationship books you can get your hands on, especially ones that deal with your relationship with yourself. And I highly recommend you find a supportive counselor/therapist for yourself to help you heal your wounds. Stay tuned for upcoming radio shows where I will be interviewing relationship counseling experts. Blessings, Dr. Karen Kan |
