Archive | September, 2008

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LOA Intensive: Are You Playing Small?

Posted on 22 September 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dr. Karen with two Law of Attraction Intensive participants  

Wow!

We just had the Law of Attraction One-Day Intensive on Saturday and we had an AWESOME time! I had no idea whether all of the interactive processes I had planned were going to fit into one day. Well, they did! OK, I have to admit, we did play past 9PM, and those who stuck with me for the twelve hours received a special treat! As a gift, they received my eBook, new Reality Hypnosis with Bonus Cleansing Hypnosis download, Law of Attraction Tele-workshops #1-3 download, group tele-coaching and monthly Teleseminar series all for FREE!

I give my students a lot of credit. I had them stretch beyond their comfort zones (I warned them at the beginning that I would!) and most were willing play full-on. But isn’t that what life is about? Are YOU willing to play YOUR life full-on, or are you just going through the motions? Are you too embarrassed to play wildly? Are you too “cool” to be open to new energies and ways of being? Are you too scared to venture out of your comfort zone, even just a little, to get what you want?

One of the lessons at the Law of Attraction Intensive was this: if you want a BIGGER life, you need to be a BIGGER person (I said bigger, not better). And being bigger means stretching yourself past your comfort zone in order to expand your energy. By expanding your energy, the Universe brings you bigger and better things. Expanding your comfort zone also means expanding your consciousness. If you play small, you don’t get the results you want…including your dream love partner.

I had five “young people” at the Law of Attraction Intensive and I appreciate them for being courageous enough to even show up. One of my students, Savanna, who is only 13, had committed to go to her friend’s birthday party earlier in the day, but told me she couldn’t wait to come to the Intensive afterwards. Her enthusiasm and positivity reinforces why I love what I do. It is such a gift to witness the transformation of others.

To all my students – may the Universe bless you with abundance! You deserve it!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: Relationship Gone Cold…For The Third Time!

Posted on 14 September 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen,I recently ended a relationship with a man I loved very much, but I felt that he had grown cold and despondent and not knowing what to do, I felt that I should let go. It is the third time this has happened in my life – that I’m in a relationship that grows cold and stale. Sometimes my partner will cheat or start becoming restless. Sometimes it is just love that seems to have gone out of the window. Is it me attracting this situation?

I think of myself as positive, loving and happy. I wish he would take me back but he is already with someone else (3 months later!) and that really hurts and makes me very weak. Please advise!!! Thank you so much,

Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

To answer your first question, “Am I attracting this situation?”, the answer is YES. However, it doesn’t make you wrong or guilty or bad in any way. The reason you are attracting unwanted situations over and over again is that your unconscious is in control of the wishing! Your conscious self wants a wonderful, loving relationship that lasts, but your unconscious does not and unfortunately, unless you get to the bottom of why your unconscious is programmed the way it is, you are likely going to keep attracting the same vibration!

Our unconscious programming comes from our youth. Where else did you see or experience these types of on again, off again relationships? How was your parent’s relationship? To understand your underlying programming more, I highly recommend Gay Hendricks book, Conscious Loving.

Your unconscious is not “bad”. It is just re-creating a well-worn program. It is probably there to protect you, even though you’d probably rather change the program! The good news is that it is very possible to change your programming. In fact, I will be one of the guest trainers at an intensive relationship workshop called All Your Relations hosted by Peak Potentials in November. At All Your Relations, you will get to the bottom of your “programming” and shift it once and for all! You can check out their website for details: www.peakpotentials.com. If you decide to go, you can let me know and I can email you a discount code.

Elizabeth, love in a relationship can grow cold or stale if we do not tend to it. Just like a plant, if we do not water it, give it sunlight and care, it will wither away and die. People often do not seek support and training in relationships until it is too late….when they are about to be divorced. That was the case for myself and my former husband. In my current relationship with my dream partner, James, we agreed early on that we would go to couples counseling…not to “fix” anything wrong, but to proactively nurture and grow our relationship to a deeper level.

It sounds to me that your relationships stop growing at a certain level and you, like many other people, have the unrealistic assumption that love will continue without consciously tending to it. We are not taught in schools how to “grow” relationships past the initial stages. I highly encourage you to start devouring any great relationship books you can get your hands on, especially ones that deal with your relationship with yourself. And I highly recommend you find a supportive counselor/therapist for yourself to help you heal your wounds.

Stay tuned for upcoming radio shows where I will be interviewing relationship counseling experts.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan
P.S. you might want to check out the book It Starts with You and the radio show I did with Julia Austin

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Dear Dr. Karen: Am I A “player” Or Is He?

Posted on 01 September 2008 by Dr. Karen

Dear Dr. Karen Kan: There is this “friend” of mine that I have been involved with for several years. I have had several other relationships but still seem to think I’m in love with him. He is kind and helpful, but has a live-in girlfriend and I can’t really say he is available. We had a couple of nights together but then that was it. He is nice and he is friendly. I guess he isn’t interested. His girlfriend is jealous and I am confused. He won’t marry his girlfriend and he won’t get rid of her so we can have a relationship. Is he a player or am I?

Lynn

Dear Lynn,

It doesn’t really matter whether we use the label “player” or not. What matters is what YOU want in your love life. It sounds to me that you can’t help but be attracted to someone who is unavailable and, if I may say so, not strong enough to tell the truth (not that I’m saying he should). I’m not sure why his girlfiend’s jealousy has anything to do with your confusion. Just because she is jealous does not necessarily mean that you are more important in the eyes this man. Women are fairly intuitive and she probably knows he is “fooling around” behind her back. Yet, she is probably too scared to do anything about it.

In my experience, it is highly unlikely that this man will either marry his girlfriend (unless she gives him an ultimatum) or dump her. He has the best of both worlds. He gets to be in a “secure” relationship and still fool around. What if you knew he had affairs with other women besides yourself. Would that matter to you?

Have you asked him about leaving his girlfriend? I bet you his answer would be a solid “no”. Why? Because although he thoroughly enjoyed your connection, he doesn’t want it enough to give up what he already has with his girlfriend. You just made it easy for him to get the best of both worlds. Alas, your heart is still stuck on him. I don’t blame you. I sense that he is very charming. He may be less than charming if he were your primary relationship. It’s just the way it is sometimes.

So do you really think that if he dumped his girlfriend and went out with you that he would be faithful to you? Not likely. His faithfulness has nothing to do with the woman he’s with and has everything to do with a habit he has learned and has been ingrained in his psyche for many many years. It’s not that he is a bad person. Not at all! He just has a habit of not being totally committed….or at least has a habit of not being able to be truthful to what he really wants (multiple romantic or sexual partners).

If you want a monogamous relationship, then you will need to look elsewhere and let go of this relationship as soon as possible. Monogamy isn’t his style and it isn’t up to you to change him. He has to want to change. And why should he? He may be completely happy where he is at. Or at least he wants to stay in his comfort zone.

Why do you think you’ve attracted someone who is unavailable? That is the million dollar question! There is a good reason for it…you have to investigate how it resonates with your past relationship patterns. Who was unavailable to you in your childhood? How were your relationships split when you were young? When you discover WHY you have this pattern, then you can manifest a better partner who will fulfill what you consciously want in a love partner. It could very well be that YOU are the one who is scared in committing and thus tend to unconsciously gravitate toward partners who are unavailable! Think about that one!

Lynn, the bottom line is that you know deep down that this relationship is not serving you and your happiness. Don’t expect the other person to change. Let go of it so the Universe can bring someone better suited to what you want. To change takes courage. I wish you lots of it.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan
P.S. If it comforts you at all, I want you to know that I was in your shoes many years ago. It took a long time for me to “get over” that special someone, but I had to come to grips with knowing that he wasn’t the best choice for me. Much has changed since then and we are now good friends in our separate romantic relationships. My letting go of him was one of the best (and hardest) things I ever did for myself.

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