Archive | July, 2008

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Dear Dr. Karen: Moody Partner: Is He the Right Guy for Me?

Posted on 05 July 2008 by Dr. Karen

“Dear Dr. Karen, I am in a relationship where the guy that I am with is a very busy person because he works a lot so he is always stressed out. He knows about the Law of Attraction and wants to manifest but it is hard for him to change his moods. He walks around grumpy all of the time and can be quite snappy with me when he is in a bad mood, which is frequently. My question is: Will this affect me because my life has changed and I am totally into the Law of Attraction and being happy and in good moods? I am in love with him and we have a child together and are engaged to be married, but I can’t help but wonder if he is the right guy for me. Or will things end up badly because we aren’t going down the same paths? I think he could change but he doesn’t make the time to try. Like, for example, he wants to win the lottery using the law of attraction but is always in a bad mood and only trys to be happy and think positive the day of the drawing…then he wonders why he hasn’t won. Please help!” Shannon

Dear Shannon,

It sounds like life with your partner can be challenging as you attempt to manifest your dreams and are committing to being responsible for your moods. I applaud you for making the commitment to being aware of your moods and not blaming others or “things” or “situations” for your moods. At the same time, I want to counsel you that there is nothing wrong with being sad, angry or frustrated in the moment. It’s just energy. The harm comes when we don’t realize that it is our thoughts and judgments about “what is happening” or simply “what is” that creates the discomfort. For example, just because you are commiting to your happiness, does not mean that you will particularly feel “happy” the moment your partner is barking at you…and that’s OK.

There is a misconception with the teachings of the law of attraction that people believe they must feel good all the time. Nonsense. We are human beings. We have feelings. You don’t have to be happy all the time to manifest your dreams. However, what you do need to be is CONSCIOUS. Being conscious means being able to be in the energy of “sadness”, for example, on purpose, and at the same time understand and appreciate that all is well and as it should be. That there is nothing you need to change. Judging yourself for being anything other than happy is harmful. JUDGMENT is not the vibration you wish to emit with harnessing the law of attraction to manifest your wishes. A beautiful example of this is my recent experience with a miscarriage. I was sad and grieving for the miscarriage and at the very same time, completely grateful for the entire experience and for all the support I received. I did not want anything else but the moment of being in the energy of sadness. It wasn’t bad or good. It was an opportunity to be present. And I appreciated every minute of it. Sounds strange, but the heart-opening I experienced was very worthwhile.

You question whether your partner’s bad moods will affect you and your manifesting abilities. The answer is “possibly”. Whoever is the dominant vibration in your environment will usually affect the other. Sometimes depressed, stressed out people, can have a powerful vibration and it is difficult to stay in your own vibration of love in their midst…but it can be done with much practice and personal growth. At other times, you may have to physically remove yourself from this energy if it is too strong for you, in order to practice fully staying the vibration you choose to be in. See if you can stay out of the “blame” game and take full responsibility for your happiness.

As to whether you are going down the same paths, only you and he can really make that call. I’m sensing that you are at a different point in the journey than he is. He may be still stuck in the stage where he is blaming “work” for his stress and moods. Or he maybe completely unaware of his negativity because it is such a habit. Such was the case with my ex-husband. When I finally went to medical school while we were dating, it suddenly occurred to me that he was either clinically depressed or had a mild form of bipolar illness (good moods for weeks, then sudden depression for weeks or months). I brought it to his attention and he understood where I was coming from. He never sought counseling or medication at the time, but having several heart to heart talks with him really helped him come to grips with his behavior.

When two people start vibrating at different frequencies, then changing the form of your relationship may be what’s best for both of you. Your partner is there to teach you something. Maybe he is there for you to stand up for yourself. Maybe he is there so you can learn how to ask for what you need in a partnership. Don’t get caught up in what you “think” your partnership should be like (even if you have a child). Instead, create the ideal partnership like I teach you in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook, and invite The Universe to help you decide what is best for both of you. It may be that separating would be the best thing. It may be counseling.

Whatever decisions you make, don’t regret them. Just imagine that everything is perfect and know that the Universe gives you multiple chances to manifest your dreams. There is no time limit! You are just trying your best, and that is good enough. The best thing you can do for your partner is the stay in the energy of compassion, forgiveness and love. In that vibration you will manifest your wishes easily. Hopefully when he can witness your loving peacefulness and ability to manifest, he will ask you how you do it. You can’t change him. He has to want to change. Your example will be the best gift.


Dr. Karen Kan

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