Archive | June, 2008

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Finding Joy and Meaning Within the Depths of Sadness…

Posted on 23 June 2008 by Dr. Karen

Last Friday was supposed to be one of the happiest moments for my partner and I. We sat excitedly talking to the midwife about our birth plans. Finally, the ultrasound! The moment of truth! When we would see our baby, our little peanut, with its heart fluttering!As my dream partner, James, and I watched the screen, the ultrasonographer scanned the uterus. I saw a big cavity with a speck of something in it. I thought, “that’s strange”. I had done sonograms on pregnant women in my former medical practice, but something looked “wrong”. She scanned everything else and went back to the empty cavity. Finally, I asked her point blank, “are you saying there is an empty gestational sac? (medical terminology of course so I could be absolutely clear)”.

“Yes”, she replied.

Suddenly, tears started streaming down my face. I turned from the monitor to look into my partner’s eyes. He was still “waiting” to see the baby. My face told the story. The ultrasonographer, hearing my crying, turned and gave me a hug and said, “I’m sorry”.

One moment, we were expecting parents. In another moment, we weren’t. I was surprised at the degree of sadness that came up immediately for me. It was wonderful to see that my partner could also be “real” about his sadness too and we teared up together. I feel very close to James, even more so than before.

Despite the sadness of losing our pregnancy, I did not feel sad every moment of every day. I was open to experiencing whatever feelings came and committed to being as PRESENT as possible. What I noticed was that I am able to be both sad about our loss and also grateful and joyful at the same time. There is a big difference between feeling sad and feeling depressed. The first is a temporary energy state and I notice that it ebbs and flows with what’s going on in the moment. The latter is a pervasive energy state that negatively affects your entire existence, so much so, that your entire world is painted grey.

At the same time that there was sadness with my loss, James and I were immediately drawn to all the GIFTS and SIGNS from The Universe that all was well. I feel showered with blessings, as many gifts were bestowed onto me from The Universe, as if to comfort me. I successfully manifested the rain to stop and the sun to shine three times this past week when I needed it. What a gift! The Universe sent me many new clients and patients. What a gift! James and I realized that we CAN get pregnant (James and his former wife didn’t get pregnant for almost 9 years). What a gift! Countless family and friends have offered support and prayers. What a gift!

There is no guilt, no blame, no fault finding. Just acceptance and love. What a wonderful way to experience loss. To be able to be both sad and grateful at the same time. I think they call this state, the state of GRACE. Would I have it any other way? Nope. All is as it should be.


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: How Can I Make Him Love Me Back Using the Law of Attraction?

Posted on 15 June 2008 by Dr. Karen

“Dear Dr. Karen, how can I make the man I love love me back using the law of attraction” Esraa

Dear Esraa,

The lovely thing about the law of attraction is that is works for everyone including the man you love. You are responsible for co-creating your reality with The Universe and so is he. The law of attraction states that similar vibrations are attracted to each other. What that means in a practical sense is that his vibration must be similar to yours in order for you both to become attracted to each other.

Each of our vibrations are created through our own thoughts and emotions. Thus, you cannot control another person’s thoughts or emotions can you? You can try to, but we call that manipulation, and it doesn’t really get you a happy relationship in the end! The bottom line is this: you can use every law of attraction technique in the book to try to attract your love to you, but if his own thoughts and desires are of a different wavelength, you’re out of luck.

That being said, let me tell you what you CAN do. You can send loving thoughts and wishes to this man, and in sending them, also send the feeling of being unattached to the outcome of what you want (i.e. being with him). In other words, if you wrote a pretend letter to him, it would go something like this:

“Dear _______, I want you to know how much I love you. And I realize that in order to love you fully, I am letting go of all attachment to us being together. I’d love for us to share our lives together because I love you so much. Yet, because I love you, I want to respect your path and your vision of how you want to live. I pray you live a happy, healthy and prosperous life. If we are meant for each other, I rejoice. If we are not, I may be sad at first, but eventually I’ll rejoice in knowing that I have supported you in your freedom of choice to live your life the way you see fit – and for that I feel good. And if we are not to be together, then I will rejoice in knowing that there is someone else special for me that The Universe has in mind. Bless you. Love, Esraa”

Esraa, you can make up your own pretend letter. The purpose of the letter is to train you to let go of your attachment to having THIS particular man love you. Your attachment actually blocks your manifestation. It is loving unattachment that brings our manfestations quickly to us. What I’ve noticed in the “real” world is that often, when you let go of desparately wanting someone, they are more attracted to you. Few people are attracted to a desperate or needy lover – in fact often, they want to run the other direction!

If you can somehow get into the mindset of “I’m amazing! and anyone having a relationship wtih me is incredibly blessed”, just wait and see who turns up! You may have to work at it, but when you can actually practice this feeling, miracles happen!


Dr. Karen Kan

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Dear Dr. Karen: How Do I Manifest My Crush’s Attention?

Posted on 15 June 2008 by Dr. Karen

“Dear Dr. Karen, I’m just wondering – I currently have a crush on someone and want to know how to attract him? Sometimes I do get negative when I fail to get a response from him. These last few days he hasn’t been online and I’m starting to notice my own negative thinking when this happens (because he was online everyday prior to this). I know this is wrong and  I try to think positive, but how do I work to attract him?” Sultan

Dear Sultan,

A couple of things I would like to clarify for you to make your life easier:

1. Negative thoughts are not “bad”, they are part of human existence. It is impossible to banish all negative thoughts and although you may have heard from teachings of the Law of Attraction to focus on positive thoughts, don’t beat yourself up for having negative thoughts. It is when you beat yourself up for having negative thoughts that you GIVE THEM MORE POWER!

Instead, when you have negative thoughts, just notice them and let them pass without judgment. This isn’t easy at first, but after a while, you can even make a game of it. If you notice a negative thought, you can say to your mind, “thank you for sharing, cancel/pass” and then automatically train yourself to think of something else, something positive or supportive, or distract yourself altogether.

2. Thinking “positive” and creating a relationship using the law of attraction can be very different things. Please read my blog entry on “the law of attraction is NOT positive thinking”. So when you are attempting to create a relationship with this man you have a crush on, what exactly are you wanting in a relationship? You need to send a clear message to the Universe what you want, not who you want. There is a difference. If you ask the Universe to give you someone who gives you lots of loving affection, who is humorous and energetic, the Universe will find that person for you. But if you have a preconceived idea of what your “crush” is like in a relationship and he doesn’t fit into your deepest wants and desires (as the Universe would already know this), the Universe will not comply with your conscious wish attract this particular man. Know what I mean?

The man you have a crush on may or may not be a suitable partner for you. And maybe he’d be suitable for a short time only so you can learn a lesson. Personally, I believe in being honest and straightforward. I’m not a fan of mind-games. In other words, ask this man if he’d be interested in dating you. Tell him why you like him and that you are interested in him, and see what he has to say. If he disappears off the face of the earth and you never hear from him again, you have your answer from the Universe – “he’s not the best one for you right now”, and you will have cleared valuable space for a better relationship to come along.

On the other hand, he might be really happy about it, and you’ve saved yourself a lot of wasted time guessing how he feels. The best relationships I’ve ever witnessed and have been in were relationships where there was no guessing. Each individual in the relationship was honest and upfront and willing to be vulnerable (in their honesty).

In my humble opinion, life is too short to dance around the issue. Ask for what you want. If what you think you want doesn’t match with your unconscious spiritual desires, you’ll know very quickly! The Universe is there to support you in every way with miracles.

3. Manifesting laws can be summarized like this: your thoughts lead to your feelings, which lead to your actions, which leads to your results. If you are too scared to be upfront with this man about your attraction to him, what does that say about your thoughts? The Universe will help you but you will have to take action, which means having courage to undergo whatever happens after you take action. Just believing that whatever happens is for your own highest good is a wonderful way to live a happy peaceful life!

Let us know what happens after you take action.


Dr. Karen Kan

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The Mysterious Ways the Universe Works!

Posted on 02 June 2008 by Dr. Karen

My life is a perfect example of how one can intend something and have a result that is unexpected yet still wonderful – the law of attraction at work! My partner and I have been working on deepening our relationship and for me to be more in my feminine energy and James to be more in his masculine energy. Well, the Universe answered our request!

I’m pregnant!

Did we plan it? Nope. Are we thrilled? Yes! Although I wasn’t planning for a family for a couple of years since I was heavily into my new adventures online, I am gracefully accepting this amazing gift from Spirit. We’ve received so many gifts in the form of congratulations and well-wishes from our family and friends…wow, it is such a wonderful experience! My due date is January 23rd.

So how can I teach you something from all this? Well, I’d like to start by reminding you that you don’t have full control of what your life will bring. Yet, it is important to set intentions. The Universe knows the quickest, fastest most efficient way to accomplish your intention…and like in my case, it can come about as a complete and utter surprise!

The other learning here, is that it is important to ASSUME that everything that happens is for your highest good. My “lower” self would be tempted to go into fear and anxiety. The “mind frick” as my teacher Harv Eker would say, starts to create havoc if we let it! Negative thoughts like, “how are we going to afford a baby?”, and “how will this affect my ability to do my work and my passion?” come up. Although it is natural for these thoughts to come up, I am training my mind to let them go. I’m practicing staying in the present, and to TRUST in the Universe to take care of us.

Letting go and having total trust is challenging indeed, especially if you are anything like me (a control-freak!), but it is exactly what the doctor ordered!

Now, this week, I’m actually starting to feel the effects of being in the first trimester of pregnancy, which means I’m tired. So to honor my body and to take care of myself, I’m deferring my next tele-workshop/teleseminar for a couple of weeks. My apologies to anyone that was waiting anxiously for them…they will come!


Dr. Karen Kan

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