“Hi Dr. Karen, I watched The secret about 8 months ago, and since then have had limited “luck” with the law of attraction. One area in my life that I have had challenges with is definitely romantic relationships. My last relationship was over a year ago. and I haven’t had much success since. I’m 22 and I don’t know what it is that I’ve been doing wrong. Since having watched The Secret, I have tried visualizing my perfect partner, feeling the feeling of love, writing down certain qualities that I want in t a partner, etc. but to no avail. If you have any wisdom you could share would you please let me know.” Kind Regards, Devon

Dear Devon,

Let me assure you that you are not doing anything wrong. Why do I know that? It is because I’ve questioned myself countless times the same way in the past and thought that it was my fault when something didn’t go the way I planned. In actuality, although we have influence in manifesting our lives, our realities are co-manifested with spirit. Sometimes the outside world doesn’t “look” like what we thought it should, and then we get down about ourselves and give up trying.

When I was consciously manifesting my dream partner, I felt like I was on a roller coaster sometimes! Months would go by and although I was definitely growing beyond my comfort zone during that time, the “results” weren’t showing. It wasn’t until a year later that I finally met James…and then I initially rejected him because he didn’t figure skate! I had some help from The Universe (in the form of a movie Cutting Edge II and a friend) who opened my mind to the possibility that James could be the one I asked for. With utter faith (and no guarantees) I took the plunge…and I’m so glad I did!

Devon, I encourage you to continue visualizing, feeling the love and get more and more clear about what you want in your dream love. You are envoking the law of attraction in love when you do those things. Can you do it daily? a couples times a day even? Can you make your visualization so real and routine that sometimes, you actually don’t feel the need to have a partner because you feel as if you already do? It sounds weird, but close to the time I met James, I was in a space of not really caring whether my dream partner showed up at all. I just felt “complete” regardless. Of course I still wanted the romantic skating partner BUT I wasn’t attached to when it was going to happen!

Here are some possiblities for you to think about “why”, (if you must understand “why”) you don’t have your partner yet (and I’m not saying these are true – just read them and see if one or two of them resonates with you):

1. You are very close and on the brink of discovery. The Universe is just waiting for a show of faith from you. Action step: keep doing what you are already doing but increase the intensity of your visualization AND do some of the Acting As If exercises in Chapter 4 in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life.

2. You may have some emotional baggage left from past relationships including parental relationships that is in the way of what you want to manifest. In other words, you need to shift your own vibration a little more to match what you’ve written down about the other person. Action step: gently check in with yourself if there is any residual unresolved feelings from a past relationship that could be affecting you now. You may wish to take the quiz in Chapter 5 on Obstacles.

3. The Universe and your spirit expect you to grow, and is waiting… My guess is that you may not have grown into your own power yet and that’s OK. Let me ask you this: What is your life path about? What were you born to do, do you think? How is your life going to serve the world? What is your passion? Action step: identify and follow through on developing your own passions, regardless of how popular or interesting they are to others. Your dream partner will follow along on those lines. I highly recommend The Passion Test by Janet and Chris Attwood.

4. You may not have enough vacuum or space in your life for someone yet. You may not have space in your outer world (you are extremely busy and have no “down” time) or in your inner world (old baggage from past relationships or current relationships). The Universe needs space to deliver your gift to you and it takes conscious effort to create space. I certainly resisted creating space BIG TIME!! But I didn’t get James until I finished doing that second-to last-step in the manifesting process…

Devon, I hope that was helpful and I look forward to possibly chatting with you on my radio show!

Best, Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. most of us are better at manifesting in one area of our lives than another so be patient. Be grateful for the times when you do manifest things you want (even if it is “small”) – all things, big or small, are considered of equal importance the Universe, so pay attention to even the small things.

It is unbelievable how helpful the Mind Power Makeover tool has been. I’ve noticed that my skin and hair have changed in the three weeks I’ve been using it. My shoulder is much less painful and I have greater range of motion. Lifts seem lighter and easily for me to perform (one of our affirmations) and we are improving daily each time we skate. It is truly a gift to experience such changes!

The other important thing I am doing is practicing GRATITUDE daily. All day long, I remind myself to feel grateful – whether it be the sun shining or rain for the plants, the checks in the mail, the new patients that have come to me for help in my acupuncture practice, the wonderful supportive friends I have, or the health of my family.  I can be grateful daily for it all.

Are we guaranteed to win Adult Nationals? No, there are no guarantees. Spirit co-creates our reality with us and if it is decided that it is in our best interest to win, then we will! If there is a lesson I need to learn by not winning, then we won’t. in 2005 I had the experience in my singles skating of getting to the final round of Adult nationals only to make a mistake at the end and finished 7th. I was disappointed but it gave me the opportunity to change my mind (my opinions) about how I could win the International competition a month later. I had to let go of more judgments and opinions that no longer served me. I let go of the belief that I had to practice five hours a week to win. We had no ice in the month prior to the International Championships, so I had to travel 2 hours to the nearest rink. I had to let go of the belief that I couldn’t win with such little practice and instead create the belief that I could win because I was well-rested.

Well, it worked.

I skated the best ever (I had some help as I “discovered” Lifewave Energy Patches as well as Dr. Thompson’s Brainwave music two weeks prior to the event) and won a GOLD MEDAL. The practice of being grateful for the OPPORTUNITY to skate at the event was pivotal I’m certain.

So for this Nationals, I have my eye on the Gold Medal too. I learned that I have to intention a win in order to win. At the same time, what I want equally is to skate to the best of our abilities and to entertain the crowd and judges as much as possible….to spread LIGHT.

So if you are reading this, please help me by adding your energy to mine in wishing James and I a wonderful skating performance on April 10th! Thank you!

Blessings,

Dr. Karen

I cannot create in her reality, I am not sure If I have attracted her this time as well. She knows how I felt a year ago, and acted the same way … dinners, night walks, and then good bye. Not looking for me for a week or two until I call. I felt unhappy at that time and just left. Now seems different though my feelings are much colder… coming to … sympathy and mild form of love. She acts again like I am her lover and loves me, but denies it and wants only to GET and nothing to GIVE. Not sure if I have been clear enough but I hope you will understand me. So what I am suppose to do, give her everything while I am emotionally dissatisfied and robbed or like I have done  – stopped seeing her.

Mitko

Dear Mitko,

I hear your frustration with this woman in your life and I don’t blame you for feeling this way. I’m glad that after you watched The Secret, you were able to let her go. You have indeed attracted her into your life again, but not for the same reasons you attracted her the first time. My guess is that the reason you have attracted her again into your life is an opportunity The Universe is giving to you to create CLARITY in your life.

This time around, I see that you are not as attached and can clearly see that your needs are not being met. Think of it this way. The Universe brought her back to you to PROVE to you that you made the right decision the FIRST time! You are no more happy with her this time around and seem to have fallen into the habit (yes habit) of giving her what she wants (because you are good at that).

Now, I hope you can be self-compassionate and realize that this is an amazing opportunity. It is an opportunity to see in which ways you are still attached, so you can choose to let go more if you want to. It is an opportunity to become really clear on what you want in a relationship and declare it firmly to the Universe. It is an opportunity for you to practice your BOUNDARIES. You can be kind, yet create healthy boundaries so that your energy is not drained by people who just take from you and do not give back. It is also an opportunity for you to practice being congruent – in other words, doing what you say and mean (being in integrity). On that last point, if you are telling her in one breath what you need and why you don’t want to be in a relationship with her, platonic or otherwise, you need to follow through on what you say and not be easily swayed to act in the opposite way. People will not trust you if you do not do what you say.

What are you supposed to do now? My answer is this: ask yourself what you really want in a relationship. Spell it out in detail. Read Chapter 2 in the eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life and make your laundry list and wish list. I seems as though this woman does not fit into your ideal partnership because you do not feel “fed” by her and instead feel like you are doing all the giving. If this is truly how you feel, then you need to be firm in removing her influence from your life. Asking her to stop contacting you is appropriate and gives you the VACUUM you will need to attract a more appropriate relationship (see Chapter 6 in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life).

I want you to understand that there is nothing wrong with your female friend. It is just that the two of you want different things. She wants someone who she can play with and someone who is not looking for attachment. You are looking for someone who is going to call you regularly, be comfortable with commitment and acts lovingly towards you. You are just a mismatch. That’s all.

The only reason to keep her as a friend is if you are actually enjoying yourself! As long as you can view her as a platonic friend (and not do all the things for her that lovers do – keep that boundary!), then go ahead…just don’t expect anything more. On the other hand, if the relationship does not add to your happiness, drop her. Let her go to find someone who matches her better and you’ll free up the space for The Universe to give you your perfect dream partner.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen Kan

Wow, how exciting that you feel such a strong attraction to this man you just met! That kind of passion is necessary to fully utilize the law of attraction to your advantage. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to practice and reveal your true power.

First of all it sounds like you did the logical things like getting help from your friends that work at the train station. It must be a rather large train station (there are only three people who work at the train station in my town!) otherwise you would have found him by now.

Here is the exercise I want you to do to give you the best chance of meeting up with this man again Deniz. Before you go to sleep at night, I want you to lay quietly in your bed, without any distractions (soft music is OK – and even better, use theta wave brainwave music while you do this exercise). Close your eyes and feel your body as you breath gently in and out of your nose. Feel your belly rise and fall with each breath. Some people notice a rushing or tingling sensation in the body..this is good. If you don’t feel it, don’t worry. Even pretending that you do is good enough.

Now, your energy is IN your body. Next, imagine yourself walking to the train station. You have an attractive outfit on. You feel absolutely wonderful. It is an amazing day. When you smile, the beam the world your smile and everything seems brighter. You are in a wonderful happy mood. You turn a corner and suddenly, you see him. Your eyes widen and your smile gets even bigger. He senses you immediately, turns and returns a big huge smile in your direction. You greet each other like long lost friends.

You have a wonderful connection and at the end of it, you make sure you exchange phone numbers or email addresses. Even though he might not recognize you as “the one”, I would go with your gut feeling and be a little assertive here and if he doesn’t suggest exchanging information, I would just ask in a friendly way, “Hey, I’d really like to have the chance to know you better. I find you incredibly interesting! I don’t want to sound too forward but I was hoping we could exchange contact information. Would that be alright?”

You’ll have to use your own words of course. Your genuine interest in him (and how you find him interesting) will be the spark to magnetically attract him. Now, can I guarantee he is the “right” one? No, of course not. But he is someone that you WILL learn something from…about yourself. Sometimes the one we are attracted to energetically is not always the perfect fit for us on a practical level, but we can still learn a lot about our own needs by having experience in different relationships. I’ll talk more about this in my next radio show. Stay tuned.

Every night, do this visualization exercise and FEEL it in your entire body. You might be too excited to sleep so if that happens, you may wish to do it in the morning as you wake up. Feel it as if it is happening to you RIGHT NOW in your exercise. You will feel your breath change and your heartbeat faster during the process. Let the joy wash over you.

Pretend that the scene WILL happen. See, feel, hear, it as completely REAL. When you can do this over and over again (Chapter3 in Creating Your Fairytale Love Life), you will develop the “right” vibration to bring him back into your life. The Universe is waiting for you to demonstrate your faith and willingness. Show The Universe you mean business!

Now do not get discouraged if it doesn’t happen when you think it should. The main reason will be is that he is not “vibrating” at the same frequency as you. Why wouldn’t he be? Well, if he has a lot on his mind (example: sick mother, problems at work etc.) he won’t be able to sense your frequency you are emitting. When he can finally tune in, you’ll meet again!

Good luck and keep me posted!!

Dr. Karen Kan

P.S. You can purchase brainwave music for this visualization at http://www.neuroacoustic.com/ – Creative Mind or Theta Meditation. Use my coupon code IMACUPUNCTURE for 10% off.

I am not going to bore you with warnings about the potential conflicts that can arise with “office” romances. I am sure you are well aware of the risks. Counselors caution people about having office romances because of conflicts of interest, favoritism, unprofessional conduct etc. However, as long as you are clear on your boundaries in the office setting and don’t bring relationship “issues” into the workplace so that it disturbs your work, a romantic relationship with a colleague can work.

I’m not going to be popular here when I say that office romances can work. However, I am neither encouraging them nor discouraging them. Each case is individual. From my point of view, it is only natural that we are attracted to others at work – we spend a large amount of time in their presence! On the other hand, there are plenty of fish in the sea and to limit yourself to someone at work maybe doing yourself a disservice.

If I am to answer your question directly about how you could use the law of attraction to manifest a relationship with your coworker, I’d simply recommend a daily meditation where you imagine the two of you together enjoying each other’s company. My preference in your case, however, would be to first get a sense of your co-worker’s willingness to be in a romantic relationship with you. If he is not willing or is not interested, I would respect his preference, give him lots of space, and let him go immediately so you can make space for someone who is interested in being with you.

I prefer efficiency. I don’t like wasting my time. I’m sure your time is valuable too. If I were you, I’d be direct and ask your coworker and tell him that you are attracted to him and you’d like to get to know him better and ask if he’d be willing to go on a date with you. Be prepared for whatever answer comes and don’t get attached to any outcome. If he isn’t interested, it only means that THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE MORE APPROPRIATE for you. Be open to the Universe giving you someone BETTER than what you expect.

The law of attraction can’t be used to get another person to feel a certain way (to be attracted to you, for example). We all have the freedom to choose how we feel and no one can force us to feel a way we don’t want to feel. My preference is to be clear on what kind of qualities you wish to manifest in your partner, and do your daily “embodying” meditation with this in mind…not being attached to a particular person you already know fitting the bill (there maybe someone better!). The Universe is always wiser and more creative than we can imagine. To understand how to create your wish list and how to embody, please refer to chapters 2 and 3 of Creating Your Fairytale Love Life eBook.

When I was really needy for a figure skating partner, I was initially so attached to my former skating partner, that I did not allow the Universe to give me someone else. It was only when I let him go emotionally that I was able to receive James, my new partner – the one that is perfectly matched for me, the gift from Heaven. It took me months to let go of the idea that my former partner and I “should” be together. But once I did, magic happened.

Be well, Cheryl, and good luck!

Dr. Karen

Dear Jenifer

I’d like to congratulate you, first of all, for being honest with your feelings. And what a gift to your friend for you to love him for who he is. When you ask me whether the law of attraction can help you, my answer will always be “yes”. The law of attraction can be harnessed to manifest things into conscious existence (rather than manifesting unconsciously).  However, I am unclear as to what exactly you wish to manifest. In brief, can you use the law of attraction to make your friend attracted to you? No, you can’t.  Can you use the law of attraction to manifest a wonderful loving reciprocated relationship? Yes, absolutely! You just need to be willing to let The Universe give you someone BETTER than what you have now.

I’m guessing a little here, but if you are hoping you can use the law of attraction to change your friend’s mind about reciprocating love for you, my answer would be that we can never apply the law to someone else’s life or their feelings. Although we can influence other’s lives with our own wishes, we cannot change another person’s will. The good news is that you obviously know the qualities in your friend you admire and love and thus you can use these qualities as “ingredients” in your recipe or wish list to attract another relationship that is even more wonderful (and reciprocated of course).

Since you friend is not reciprocating your affections, he currently is not the “right” person for you. If you are looking for a relationship that is lovingly reciprocated, then you will have to create some space (a vacuum) between you and this friend so that The Universe can deliver someone better for you. It doesn’t mean that you don’t keep your friend as a friend, but you will need to let him go in order to create a more healthy balanced relationship with someone new. Making space may mean seeing each other less, talking on the phone less, emotionally “letting him go” to have other relationships with women and wishing him well in the process.

You deserve a loving, warm and happy romantic relationship. Do not settle for someone who doesn’t “love you back”. By settling, you are telling the Universe you do not deserve better. Be friends, yes, but let him go. It may seem painful at first, but the space you create is absolutely necessary. Trust me. I’ve been there!

The key to visualization is not necessarily to “see” the result in your head intellectually. The key is to see, hear, feel, taste and touch the end result of what you want to materialize. In other words, your entire body, with all its senses should be engaged in your visualization exercise for optimal effectiveness.

Did you ever kiss your pillow as a kid pretending it was someone you had a crush on? Well, its not that silly an exercise actually. Whatever you have to do to really feel as if you have already received your “wish”, you can do (assuming it is ethical and legal!). Some people “visualize” most often by seeing pictures in their minds. Others feel things in their bodies and yet others, the minority actually use the sense of hearing as their main “visualization” center. Ideally, it would be great to connect all three.

There are some really great tools out there to help us visualize our desires and goals. One of these is the Vision Board. Traditionally you can find photos and pictures from magazines and cut and paste them onto a poster board. You can use the vision board to purposefully harness the law of attraction to attract the things you want into your life.

You can have different vision boards for different things. You can have an “intuitive” vision board by cutting and pasting photos that appeal to you esthetically after you ask a question you wish The Universe to answer. For example, recently I did an intuitive vision board where I asked, “What should I do to create the most happiness for myself right now?” the vision board told me that I needed to focus on wonderful food, beautiful large spaces, rest and relaxation, writing more books and taking charge of debt.

You can also have a vision board that focuses on what you want to manifest materially: a new job, a promotion, a pregnancy, a healthy body, a new house etc. Pick pictures and words that make you feel good. When you look at your vision board daily, you should feel inspired and happy. If not, you may need to make a new one.

One great tool you may want to take advantage of in today’s technological world is vision boards you can make online! The nice thing about this tool is that you can search for photos of exact things you are looking for instead of hours rifling through magazines. You can also set your virtual vision board to music! Check out the Vision Board Site to learn more.

As part of my healer work, I asked the Angels to help you. Two volunteered to be by your side, day and night. I don’t know if you can feel their presence, but they want you to know that you are loved. It’s OK even if you don’t believe in Angels. I’ve seen many a miracle in my life, so I have no doubt they exist.

Now, let’s take a look at your beliefs. Beliefs manifest our reality. I love the saying “I’ll See it when I believe it” which is why I put the quote on a T-shirt at my Law of Attraction Store. Mr. P., your belief is that no woman would ever love you because of your height. I’m assuming that you are judging your height as being too short, right?

Can I ask you one question? Would you be willing to change your beliefs? In other words, would you be willing to let go of the belief that you can’t be loved because you are “too short”? You see, in your reality, it may feel “true”, but that is because you have created your reality with your belief. In my world, I see plenty of short men who are happily in relationship. In fact, my friend Garry is shorter than you are and is an Asian man.

I grew up with the belief in my Chinese culture that tall women were very unattractive. My mother told me that because she is taller than most Chinese men. She spent the greater part of her life hunched over to hide her tallness. Nowadays she looks like a model. In the North American culture, she is absolutely stunningly beautiful at 5 foot 7 inches! See, in my culture, it was the woman’s height that was the issue, not the man’s! My friend Garry is happily married to a Caucasian woman who is at least 4 inches taller and they have a beautiful little girl.

When you believe something, the Universe will rearrange itself to make you RIGHT. In my eBook, Creating Your Fairytale Love Life in Chapter 5, I show you some techniques you can use to “change” your belief state, so you may wish to take advantage of the exercises and videos in that chapter.

I can tell you that in my world, Mr. P., there is no such thing as too short, too tall, too weird, too fat etc. Everyone can and deserves to be loved. The question is –  do you love yourself?

The girlfriend that you wish for is not there to give you what you cannot give yourself (love). Many people (so you are not alone) are looking for someone to love them so they will feel lovable. The opposite needs to happen in order to manifest a wonderful relationship. You must love and appreciate yourself first in order to attract the wonderful relationship.

There is a Secret nobody told us when we were kids. The “other” person in a relationship is not there to make us whole! They are not supposed to be responsible for making us happy or feel loved. Nope! Do you want to know the real purpose for relationships? The REAL purpose for relationships is to grow ourselves spiritually…that’s it. That’s all.

So Dear Mr. P. You may not believe me, but you are already loved. The substance from which we all come, that which I call The Universe (others call The One, God, Divine etc.) loves you. Now it is your turn to love you.

If you REALLY want change, here is your homework assignment. I really hope you take this challenge and run with it: For the next 30 days, everyday create a list of at least 10 things you love and appreciate about yourself. While you are writing, if any negative thought comes up, just say “cancel” or “pass” and keep writing, focusing on the positive. It could be that you appreciate yourself because you have great rhythm and you love to dance, or that you are extremely kind to your parents, or that you absolutely love history books etc. It doesn’t matter what it is, just make a new habit of appreciating yourself daily.

While you are writing, remember to really FEEL the feelings of appreciation. It is the MAGNETIC substance that draws what we want into our lives. The truth in my situation was that when I began truly appreciating my qualities rather than criticizing myself most of the time, it was the start of the happiest time of my life.

Lastly, Mr. P. I highly recommend that you consider taking the Enlighted Warrior Training Camp http://www.enlightenedwarrior.com  run by Peak Potentials training. Year after year there are stories of people on the edge of suicide when they arrive at the camp and they leave a completely changed person…strong, compassionate and empowered. You can receive a discount on tuition, I believe, by being referred by a graduate so I will give you my referral number: 232364.

It is important for you to receive support. Having suicidal thoughts is very serious and I urge you to seek professional care as soon as possible. Talk to your doctor and ask for a referral to an empathetic counselor or psychologist. I also suggest that you read the new bestseller by Marci Shimoff, Happy for No Reason.

Blessings,

Dr. Karen